(no subject)

[aimtomiss.livejournal.com]

I've researched the internet a little on this, but nothing I've found is quite suited for my situation. I'm hoping someone, or several people here can help.

I lost my virginity about three weeks ago. My partner and I did it twice that night, and both times it hurt like hell and I bled quite a bit into the next day. I expected the sex to hurt and I expected there to be blood, so that's not my issue.

I had sex again for the first time since that night a few days ago. Same partner. It hurt this time just as much as the first times, and I bled again. This I was not expecting. Is this normal? I've been sore down there since, and I was sore after the first two times as well (I assumed that was normal?). I was hoping that this time it would be pleasurable, but almost the entire time I was in pain.

Any suggestions/advice?

Comments

[sarahrm.livejournal.com]

Maybe try some lube.

Youmight not be wet enough down there and are jumping into the actual sex act before enough foreplay has happened.

[gothcake.livejournal.com]

Yes, it's completely normal. Everybody is different, but you will continue to experience pain until your body gets used to it; for some women this is five or six times, for others it's twenty or more. You'll just have to wait and see.

Lube helps A LOT.

[jenn-possible.livejournal.com]

It's normal for many women to have some blood and pain the first few times they have sex, but that doesn't mean it's any fun.

Are you using lube? That can help. So can lots of foreplay and being really close to orgasm. The first time I had sex, we just went at it and it hurt like hell. In all the OMG WE'RE GONNA HAVE SEX!! excitement, we didn't use lube or fool around beforehand.

Maybe try fooling around with no expectation of vaginal intercourse. Then, if you are feeling a bit apprehensive because it hurt the last few times, you won't have that to worry about. Then, if you get super horny and relaxed, try again. Hope this helps :)

[archangelbeth]

To go lolcat about it... MOAR FOURPLAY! I had lots and lots of foreplay for my first time, and once we got the angle right, it was a stretchy-ache, and the discomfort was well-masked by the pleasure endorphins.

That there's more bleeding sounds like you have a durable hymen that's getting torn a bit more each time, and/or is not having enough time to heal up between bouts. (If you skin your knee, and keep re-skinning it, it will keep hurting...)

I'd advise investing in a lot of lube, having lots more foreplay, and instituting a firm rule: if it hurt, STOP. DON'T DO IT. Women are vulnerable to developing a reflex "blink" action of the vaginal muscles which contracts them in an effort to avoid penetration. If penetration is attempted anyway, it hurts (usually even worse), which reinforces the reflex tensing, which causes more pain, which... You probably see the issue. The reflex, when it happens consistently, is called vaginismus. Some women are more prone to developing it than others, but considering the risk, it's really not worth forcing yourself to do something painful.

A caring partner will go along with this, because your pain (and especially the risk of a continuing and difficult-to-overcome pain issue) is not what a good partner wants. Anyone who puts his (or her) sexual satisfaction over your actual pain is someone with whom you should seriously re-evaulate the relationship. After all -- there are things one can do orally, or manually, and at absolute worst, you could cuddle your guy and say, "Jerk yourself off while I kiss you, darling."

When you have enough lube, enough foreplay, enough pleasure endorphins to turn pain into mere discomfort -- that's when to have penetrative sex.

(You may also want to go back to plain fingering and see if you're still sore -- if latex condoms were used, some of the pain might also be due to a latex allergy, and it could help to go to polyurethane condoms or the other non-latex STI-preventer which is found as the brand Lifestyle Skyns.)

Good luck!

[thisandthat.livejournal.com]

I have nothing to say that hasn't been said, but I loved the LOLcat reference. ;) You are silly.

[atalanta0jess.livejournal.com]

Its somewhat normal...the question is whether its from your hymen or whether there is just too much friction. If it were me, I'd POUR on the lube, just to be sure that you're not experiencing any unnecessary pain. I know that even after having sex for a good handful of years, if I am not lubricated enough, I can definitely be sore the next day.

[justsurvive.livejournal.com]

lots of lube and a caring partner who goes slow and gives you lots of fourplay.

[merenator.livejournal.com]

it hurt like hell the first time i had sex. after the first time, we were having sex like twice a day for a pretty long time and it stop hurting initially for like two weeks i'd say. then it stopped hurting completely. a lot of it could be you aren't wet enough. this doesn't really mean there's not enough foreplay; your nerves can play a factor. i was a bit nervous, therefore even though i was turned on i still wasn't getting wet enough. also, if your body is tense it's going to hurt more. so, perhaps try relaxing and using lube. eventually you might not need lube. also, fingering and oral are a godsend. hope that helps :)

[ily423.livejournal.com]

the first month I had sex I bled and it hurt everytime. Each time it was less and less of both though.

[mangofandango.livejournal.com]

It hurt me for way longer than the first couple of times. Hang in there, and use plenty of good lube (I like O'My or Liquid Silk better than drugstrore brands like KY, since KY tends to dry out and get sticky faster and it contains glycerin, which contributes to yeast infections for me). Also, as others have said - lots of foreplay. Make sure you're relaxed and comfortable, and that you physically and emotionally *want* penetration before it happens. You might not get to that point every time, and that's okay - make sure you take any pressure that you're feeling right off yourself.

Good luck!