old married couple

[starry3yedgrl.livejournal.com]

For those of you who have been or are in a long term relationship,  how do you keep your sex life alive?  I have been with my boyfriend for a year and a half, and have lived together for a year and I feel like we are an old married couple.   We had sex this morning and I think it was the first time in about a month.  It's hard to describe....in some ways I am happy with the status quo....meaning, I don't walk around horny and frustrated that I am not getting any.  But I am unhappy in the way that I feel like there is something terribly wrong with the little amount that we have sex considering we haven't been together all that long.

Sorry, this is kinda long.....I know there are a few reasons why it could be dwindling.  I have been having some pain during sex (see my painful sex post from 3/1), so obviously having pain once can make someone not too eager to do it again.  But if that is adding to the lack in libido, it is an unconscious thought because I don't walk around physically wanting to have sex but being scared of the pain.

The other thing is, my boyfriend and I went through a pretty rough patch, so I can see that adding to it.  Who wants to have sex with someone you're always fighting with (and we're not really into passionate make-up sex).  But the last few months have been much better and it looks like we are out of the woods in that regard, so I thought our sex life would perk up once we fixed a lot of our problems.

Despite those two very good reasons for a drop in libido, I feel like a lot of it is just laziness and settling into routine.  After work we are tired, still have to cook dinner and clean up, etc.  It's like we just can't muster up the energy or the desire to have sex anymore.  We're still very affectionate with each other and I am still very physically attracted to him.  In passing we quite often will hug or kiss or he'll smack my butt on the way by....And I often find myself daydreaming about having sex with him when I am not with him....like if I am at work, or if he is out with friends.  I will be really wishing he was home and I have plans to start stuff up when he gets home, but then that never seems to happen.  I either forget or get caught up in other stuff.

I think it's really sad and I don't want to be like this when we haven't been together all that long.  He is my first serious relationship in quite a while, and the first guy I've ever lived with and been this serious with.....so the whole long term serious relationship is kind of new to me lately.  The last several years I had gotten used to the sexual excitement of new guys fairly often (ok not THAT often) and short lived relationships in which the relationship ended before the sexual appetite could fade out at all. 

I'm not sure if I am really looking for advice like "buy some sexy lingerie, etc....because once we're in the moment we're fine, but I'm wondering how you get that feeling back of wanting to start something.... not being an old tired couple who let dirty dishes and everyday life get in the way of their sex life.

Comments

[fleckerbug.livejournal.com]

We've been together over 6 years. We just don't have sex as much anymore. It's a little different once you're living together rather than just dating. When you see each other all the time, it can be difficult to remember to take time for intimacy. And other things start taking priority. Although my husband and I don't have sex very often, we snuggle before going to sleep every night and I don't think a day goes by that we don't make out a little. We're very loving toward each other and hug and kiss all the time. We're both happy and satisfied.. PIV just isn't much of a priority. We do try to do it more often lately as we're TTC1

[leads-to-sex.livejournal.com]

What's TTC1?

[paraxeni.livejournal.com]

I'm guessing "trying to conceive" and a missed shift key!

[leads-to-sex.livejournal.com]

Ah. Seriously, I hate when people use acronyms on the Internet and assume everyone is going to know what they are without having to think about it.

[indigodye.livejournal.com]

I personally agree with you, but TTC is a big one, especially on women's health forums. It DOES get annoying trying to type out "trying to conceive" over and over. I know I use TTC because I'm tired of typing it out, and I'm not even TTC! :-D

[fleckerbug.livejournal.com]

Thanks. Yeah, I'm not a huge acronym user, but this is a pretty big one and not internet-specific.

[lil-goldielocks.livejournal.com]

"trying to conceive baby #1"

[fleckerbug.livejournal.com]

Lol, sorry. That should be TTC!, not TTC1 -- trying to conceive. :)

[paraxeni.livejournal.com]

Exactly this. We always snuggle together in bed for a couple of hours before sleep, we're always holding hands and kissing, and we're very romantic. We love sex, we're deeply attracted to each other and have amazing sessions, but sometimes when life's in your way all you want is a cuddle and a backrub!

When it comes down to it she knows I love her, I know she loves me, and I'd rather have mindblowing sex not so often, than half-arsed, tired, medication-hampered shagging every night!

[fleckerbug.livejournal.com]

:)

I meant to say that too-- when we do have sex it's absolutely mind-blowing. So much better than half-assed sex and just further proof that there's nothing wrong with our sex life, even though the sex is infrequent.