Painful Sex update - SUCCESS! NO PAIN!!

[elides.livejournal.com]

[Back story: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11]
First off-Thanks SO MUCH to everyone on this community!
My gf kept with the stretching like Cora had described (and like I wrote inthe last update) and it slowly got easier, she moved through the dilators one at a time and eventually got to the biggest one. That big one, we compared, is just barely smaller than me, so she figured when she's comfortable enough using the big one, we can try it with me. Well this week that finally happened and I FIT! :) ALL the way!
I'm too excited, I'm skipping the story:)
The "homework" Cora assigned kept being modified here and there, but my gf reports the best progress like this - 5 minutes of stretching around hte "bottom half of the clock" as described in the last update, then 10 minutes of just sitting with the biggest dilator in place. Nothing moving, no active stretching, just getting used to it being in there and beign relaxed. Then 1-2 mintues of stretching straight down to 6 o'clock, fairly hard, with a finger-sized object. She has a real sore spot there that was explained to be a bundle of nerves which have become 'stuck together', kind of like when you boil pasta without any oil. In pushing at that space, it's supposed ot "separate the noodles" she said, and go from crazy sharp pain to duller pain to nothing. It's not nothing yet, but my GF reports that it's not sharp anymore, and when we finally put our parts together this week, she reported NO PAIN AT ALL.
It's sooooo good. I've never gone this long without sex since I started having it, so it's kind of good for me to go slow with her too. She says it feels pretty weird right now, she wasn't doing anything sexual when she dilated, so now she has to kind of switch tracks from clinical thing-to-accomplish to actually feeling good. It's going well though, we had our second time yesterday and she didn't report any pain, less weirdness, and it was maybe 10 minutes before she started to feel rubbed raw on the inside - which I expected, so no surprise there.
For those wondering, yeah, I thought about having sex with someone else just to get me through. It's been almost two years! But I never did it once, I never betrayed her, and I'm really glad I didn't. :)
ANYWAY, yeah! so I guess that's the last update! Again, THANK YOU to everyone who ever commented or offered advice or support or anything - you've all been wonderful and I'm so glad I can report back with SUCCESS!!

Comments

[snowe.livejournal.com]

Congratulations! :D

[svexsal.livejournal.com]

I really didn't join this group until a few months ago but I'm super happy that you two were able to share this experience! I'm thrilled all this hard work paid off :)

OT response to myself and you, lol

[svexsal.livejournal.com]

she wasn't doing anything sexual when she dilated, so now she has to kind of switch tracks from clinical thing-to-accomplish to actually feeling good.
Oh, I have to add that this reminds me of how icked out I was every time I put in my diaphragm before I had sex. It was a mood killer because of all the goop but I do remember having to switch my mind back into sex mode ;)

[elides.livejournal.com]

Hehe me too, thanks!! It was mostly her work, I just listened...

[aechei.livejournal.com]

i don't think i've commented on your previous entries, but i've been reading them with interest. it's relatively rare for someone to really keep a comm up to date on their progress like you have. so while i haven't been commenting (i don't really ahve any advice) i have been quietly rooting for you guys and i'm really glad you have made so much progress. here's hoping that you go on to have a totally awesome sex life.

[elides.livejournal.com]

Thank you :)

[inmycrease.livejournal.com]

Congrats! Happy stories are always good stories,
I love how you worked together as a couple through this and thats so great that you waited to be with her even after two years!
Congrats again!

[elides.livejournal.com]

Thanks!!

[so-says-ali.livejournal.com]

You deserve a million cookies for being such an awesome guy.

[aislingsdreamer.livejournal.com]

Congrats!!! :D

[paraxeni.livejournal.com]

I'm so pleased for you guys. I've been following your story, glad all the waiting was worth it. Here's to a happy, active future sex life together!

[elides.livejournal.com]

Thanks to you and everyone for the best wishes!!:)

[queensugar.livejournal.com]

Congratulations! A lot of us here have been rooting for you guys, I'm thrilled to hear all your work and research has finally paid off. :) Best of luck to both of you, and may the rocky start just have proved to pave the way for a wonderful sex life. :)

[elides.livejournal.com]

So far so good! Mmmmmm :)

[archangelbeth]

I am cheering for you both! O:D

[girlandetc.livejournal.com]

awwww this post made me fell all happy inside!! that is so sweet of you ♥ thank you for being an awesome guy! :)

[elides.livejournal.com]

Hehe she's worth it...:)

[whatwe-know.livejournal.com]

I feel all fuzzy, too. Congrats to the OP and his gal. :)

[poppleshatesyou.livejournal.com]

Hooray! I'm so excited for both of you!! I too have been reading from the beginning, and am so glad to hear of such wonderful progress. Congrats!

[asunlitrose.livejournal.com]

Yay! I am so glad to hear of your success!

(frozen)

[preciouslilme.livejournal.com]

I was happy for you until you said you thought about cheating on her. You seem like a half-decent guy and yet you still felt that way. I wonder what hope there is for the rest of us with not-so-understanding boyfriends.

(frozen)

[ericalorraine.livejournal.com]

thinking and doing are two different things. Many people in similar situations have surely thought of it, but yeah.

(frozen)

[preciouslilme.livejournal.com]

I know (I definitely wouldn't have replied if he had cheated!), but I just wonder if someone who has stood by his gf for so long can want to cheat, then what those of us who don't have partners who are so patient? While obviously cheating isn't respectful of your partner I don't think thinking about it is particularly nice either.

(frozen)

[elides.livejournal.com]

It's not like I went out and actively scoped people out. I didn't set anything up and then bail. I just thought that if i chose to, i could go have sex RIGHT NOW. Then I went and fooled around with my gf instead. Please don't think it was close to happening. I love my GF too much for that.

(frozen)

[preciouslilme.livejournal.com]

So you though about it in more abstract terms (sex now!) rather than I'm sick of putting up with this, I want someone else?

(frozen)

[elides.livejournal.com]

Yes... like "I could go have sex tonight and relieve this madness and she'd never know..." but I couldn't ever do that to her, I couldn't lie.
I wouldn't leave her over this, but if it had never ended then we would have to come to some kind of open relationship...it doesn't matter! The waiting is over, forget this negativity:)

(frozen)

[preciouslilme.livejournal.com]

That's not really the abstract terms I had in mind...I guess for the monogamous minded if you don't get sex from your SO then you don't get sex, and if you were contemplating an open relationship then neither of you were hard wired monogamous anyway. For some people (the hard wired monogamous ones) cheating just isn't an option to even think about and I still don't think very many people like that exist, but if she knew about it and was contemplating it, it's a moot point.

(frozen)

[elides.livejournal.com]

We're pretty off topic here and I don't really feel the need to reveal much more about us, this is the only part of the entire 12 posts which has felt attacking, I don't like or appreciate it... But yes, she's open to threesomes and I do believe that the term "monogamy" can be stretched depending on the people using the word. We can be monogamous and still have others join our monogamous relationship on occasion.
It doesn't really matter anyway, so long as it's consenting then everything's gravy
Just don't think for a minute I don't love her with everything in me.

(frozen)

[elides.livejournal.com]

Now we are going to go see Saw V with some friends of ours, please don't think I'm ignoring you if you wish to respond again but please keep it positive if you do.:)

(frozen)

[elides.livejournal.com]

Yeah I just didn't want to leave my last entry with any kind of withholding or lie... Thanks for understanding that they're different. But some people think porn is cheating too, so...shrug?

(frozen)

[elides.livejournal.com]

Well I'm always honest with her, and I'm not going to hold back anything. But I'm a guy, I used to be a huge slut and I still am really... I like a lot of sex. And I haven't had M on F intercourse in two years!!! We've done lots of other stuff too, but that's huge for me. So yes I thought about it. but I didn't do it. She knows that, I told her.
She was glad I didn't OF COURSE! But she was also not surprised I thought about it. Who wouldn't? Relaly though, please don't give up hope, just because someone thinks something doesn't mean it's the same as acting.

(frozen)

[preciouslilme.livejournal.com]

WHile my situation is different to hers it does lead to no sex, and I wouldn't be surprised if my SO said that simply because I expect it because of how negative and worthless I felt during that time. I am sure there are plenty of people who wouldn't think about cheating in that situation, but unfortunately for me I think they would predominantly be women. Personally I don't really see thinking about cheating as any less disrespectful than actually doing it simply because in my experience it means that the person isn't 100% dedicated to their partner.

(frozen)

[elides.livejournal.com]

Please don't judge me. I am 100% dedicated to her and she is confident of that.

(frozen) Maintainer Note - Safe Space Warning

[queensugar.livejournal.com]

Hey, preciouslilme:

We are extremely concerned that a number of statements in this thread are a clear violation of our policies on safe space and non-judgment. To cite a few examples:

+ "I was happy for you until you said you thought about cheating on her" and "I don't think thinking about it is particularly nice either" offer a negative judgment of the OP's honestly expressed experiences. The OP was not coming here for judgment about the feelings he or his partner experienced during their ordeal; he came here to celebrate a happy resolution to a longstanding problem.

+ "For the monogamous minded if you don't get sex from your SO then you don't get sex, and if you were contemplating an open relationship then neither of you were hard wired monogamous anyway" judgmentally labels the OP and his partner's relationship and sexual identity. Second-guessing other people's identification is not appropriate in VP.

+ "Personally I don't really see thinking about cheating as any less disrespectful than actually doing it simply because in my experience it means that the person isn't 100% dedicated to their partner" clearly judges the OP and dismisses his stated commitment to his partner, which is very inappropriate in VP.

vaginapagina is intended to be a space where posters can share their own experiences without fear of judgment... and that includes feelings that may not be positives ones, or may be difficult for others to read.

We will be freezing this thread now. If you wish to retain membership privileges in VP, we urge you to review our guidelines. (http://www.vaginapagina.com/index.php?title=VaginaPagina_FAQ#What_are_the_rules.3F) If further clarification is needed, please contact us at vpteam@vaginapagina.com.

Thanks,
The VP Team

(frozen)

[xlearntoflyx.livejournal.com]

It's a pretty typical reaction. Wanting sex in this situation is a human emotion, and having the idea of getting it elsewhere cross your mind doesn't make him a bad person. Acting on it would have been wrong. Thinking about cheating with a specific person in mind would have been wrong. But going from having a lot of sex to not having any for two years, pretty much anyone would start to get cabin fever. Just thinking about the fact that he wants to have sex with her and how frustrating it must be not to be able to and having the idea of cheating cross his mind doesn't make him a bad person, or any less of a "half-decent guy", it makes him human. Choosing to stay with her and help her through a painful (literally and figuratively) time makes him much more than a "half-decent guy."

In my opinion, acknowledging those feelings and still knowing that being with his girlfriend and being faithful to her was more important to him is pretty damn honorable, because it shows how he feels for her outweighs the pretty natural pull he'd feel to want sex.

[jocelina.livejournal.com]

Congratulations to you both!

Also, thank you so much for sharing your experience with the community. I think your posts have the potential to be (if they haven't been already!) a very valuable resource for others. :)

[elides.livejournal.com]

Thank you, that's part of why I kept updating. Primarily to help us of course, but the secondary is to help others where we can...

[jmnstars.livejournal.com]

I read all of your previous posts and I just wanted to say how awesome you are for going through so much with your girlfriend when your relationship was still rather new (when you first started posting anyways). I think that you are a great guy and your girlfriend is sooo lucky! I know that going through these kinds of things can be frustrating and your mind can wander to satisfying your natural desires through other means. Heck, I'm just in a LDR and I can tell you that it has crossed my mind even though I would NEVER act on it. Those feelings are normal - you were just being honest. I'm glad everything has worked out and I wish you two the best! Keep us posted! Enjoy your new sex-filled life! :)

[elides.livejournal.com]

Thank you very much :)

[blairie.livejournal.com]

This post inspires me to try to do something about my vaginusmus. I just wish my husband was as supportive as you seem to have been. (Granted, sex isn't impossible for me- but it's excruciatingly painful and sometimes impossible.)

[elides.livejournal.com]

My GF says you totally should! It hurt like hell for her at first, and now there's NO pain. NONE! so far anyway :)

[rediculouslyon.livejournal.com]

i work at a urology office in colorado which has a female incontinence clinic/female clinic which specializes in pelvic floor dysfunction. in the past year or so, we've gotten a physical therapist who does biofeedback as well as other types of therapy. i work the front desk and i've never really gotten to see the whole story from the patient's side. i always see from the doctor's point of view using medical terms and jargon and not as much emotional attachment. i must say it was very interesting and enlightening to read your story.

[elides.livejournal.com]

Thank you... for us, too. You can print the entries and show them to your other coworkers if you want:)

[ilikerivers.livejournal.com]

Congratulations to you both, I've been following your story and hoping for healing for your gf. I have been having good luck with my pelvic floor physio too. I hope you both get to have the wonderful sex lives you deserve.

[hallwayjulie.livejournal.com]

Congratulations! I remember some of your earlier posts and it's so great to see how well everything has worked out.

I hope you're not put off by the small amount of negativity you encountered here - it truly has been wonderful to see the increasingly positive updates and very impressive how you and your gf have handled it together.

[elides.livejournal.com]

Thank you!! And no, I'm not put off at all, if it took that small amount of negative feelings to make me back off, I would never have lasted through what me and my GF have been thorugh here!! :) Thank you again for your kind words.