Possible herpes outbreak/do I have herpes?

[embarrassed012.livejournal.com]

Hi, I had to make a new LJ to post this question, because I am extremely scared/nervous/embarrassed.


For the past few days (2 ish) when I wipe after I pee, it has been a little tender. This morning in the shower, I was cleaning myself, and felt a bump. I had my boyfriend come look, and he said it was just a red bump. It feels hard on the inside, and is probably about the size of a pea. I freaked out thinking it could be herpes. I've only had sex with this one person, my entire life, and unless he cheated on me, I don't see how I could have gotten it. He is claiming there's no way he gave it to me, and he wants to break up now (we've been dating for over 4 years and have a child together) because he thinks it's disgusting and there is no way he'd ever have sex with me again because of it. I have no health insurance, but I'm doing to try and go to the health department tomorrow and check it out.

I was looking on webmd and thought it might possibly be a Bartholin Cyst, in fact I'm kind of hoping and praying that it is. But... I just felt around again and I felt one more small little lump, that I can't see at all, even when looking right at it, but I can feel it. It is also slightly sore.

Does this sound like herpes?

ETA - the large on is inside, where hair doesn't grow, and the smaller one is on the hair-line, but also sort of inside.

Comments

[nmbr5wthabulet.livejournal.com]

Its probably just an ingrown hair.

[courageouscat.livejournal.com]

it could be a boil, ingrown hair, or yes, an std. if it's the last one, your boyfriend needs a reality check because that means he has it too...

[queensugar.livejournal.com]

It could just be an inflamed oil gland or something. It's not uncommon at all to get boils and irritated glands down there.

That said, in the event that it is HSV, one thing to remember is that it's possible to transmit oral HSV (better known as cold sores) to the genitals via oral sex, if you guys have been engaging in oral sex.

The large majority of the population has oral HSV, whether they know it or not -- tons of people get it and never have an outbreak, or else they had their only outbreak as a child and don't remember.

Or else he may have contracted genital HSV prior to dating you, and never had an outbreak. Has he ever gotten a blood test for HSV? If not, there's no way to know whether he has it or not.

One thing I will agree with is that you deserve much more support than your partner is giving you. It sounds like he is uninformed and judgmental about STIs. Bottom line? Almost everyone has HSV in some form; and a huge chunk of the population has it genitally.

HSV is not "disgusting." If you do have HSV, then you are not disgusting. It's just a virus that causes inconvenient outbreaks from time to time. It's fundamentally no different than any other virus.

If you can, don't be afraid to stand up to your partner and demand better treatment from him. If he's willing to end the relationship over this -- when it isn't even confirmed to be HSV -- it may be a blessing in disguise for you. You deserve a partner that's willing to learn about possible conditions with you and support you through it.

[queensugar.livejournal.com]

Oops, meant to post that directly to the OP!

[atalanta0jess.livejournal.com]

I'm really really sorry that your boyfriend is reacting in that way. That's really unfair to you, and certainly not what you need to hear at a time like this. :(

You know how sometimes on other areas of your body, you'll just get a little bump? Like, maybe its a bug bite, maybe its an ingrown hair or a zit or a clogged pore or who knows what, but its just a bump? That can happen in the vulva area too.

[marionravenwood.livejournal.com]

It doesn't sound like the typical presentation of herpes, which is more like blisters than a hard, solid bump. However,

and unless he cheated on me, I don't see how I could have gotten it

Unless your boyfriend never had any sexual contact with anyone ever before you, he could have gotten herpes years and years ago, before you ever met, and just recently passed it on to you.

His thinking it's disgusting, no matter what the cause, is way out of line.

[jeg-elskerdeg.livejournal.com]

Yeah, IAWTC.

Also seems as if he's being overly defensive and quick to blame.

[limelight-lude.livejournal.com]

THIS.

[ninja-bee.livejournal.com]

This is just my opinion....

I think it probably just an ingrown hair as well. I'm sorry to hear that you are very worried.

Here is the part where I am going to be brutaly honest. If I were with a man..that said that about me, and he was the only person I had slept with, his ass would have been to the curb.

Thats terrible. That makes me ill to think that someone would act that way and make it sound like you're disgusting...Even if you DID have herpes, that does not make you disgusting. It's probably not though. Either way...Fuck him. What a piece of shit. I'm sorry but that is just insane for him to say, and hurtful.

Why would he not be more concerned, or more comforting to you, when you are probably Im sure freaking out. He just wants to break up after you've been together so long and have a child? What a fucking dick. Get rid of him, IMO.

Sorry for ranting, I just think its terrible that someone who loves you would act or think that way. He is a work of art.

If I were you, I would go to a local clinic and just get it checked out. I'm sure it is nothing. *hug*

[ohkatespade.livejournal.com]

Amen! He was way out of line and more hurtful than I'd ever be able to deal with.

[in-this-love.livejournal.com]

IAWTC. wtf? this guy is a joke... i hope when you find out there is nothing wrong.. you tell him he's disgusting! good luck sweetie!!

[quit.livejournal.com]

IAWTC. And OP, not to be a dick, but if he's wanting to break up over this and is so disgusted, he's probably looking for an excuse to break up anyway, (maybe some underlying problems? Whatever, its none of our business) and you should probably just cut your losses anyhow. If this is how he reacts to mildly stressful news, he's an asshole, and I am sorry. :(

[tweak23.livejournal.com]

Your boyfriend sounds like a total ass. I'm sorry but that is so fucking insensitive.

You've been together four years, you've never had sex with anyone else and he's saying he hasn't cheated. At least I'm presuming that he says that. It seems to me that if it was herpes, he would've been the carrier you got it from.

Thus far, it doesn't really sound that much like HSV to me. Obviously you're doing the right thing to get it checked out--it *could* be, but I don't think it is. I believe you can get more than one cyst at a time--it really sounds more like that to me.

I just feel ill on your behalf. Your partner should be loving and supportive in a situation like this and he's being a conclusion-jumping, rude buttmonkey. I'm sorry to be so rude, I just want to give you a big hug and make the mean go away.

[limelight-lude.livejournal.com]

This too.

[xgirasolx.livejournal.com]

Not to scare you but I thought I had an ingrown hair and it was herpes, I never had sex without protection and both myself and my partners (there were three) were STD tested. If you have a planned parenthood near you go see them while it is there, that is the best way to get a clearer answer.

Good luck, if you have more questions feel free to ask, I've been diagnosed since April.

[esotericaxxx.livejournal.com]

It could also be a pimple. I get those from time to time and they are a little sore. Werid place to get a pimple, but I've had two doctors check me out before.

Give us an update after you've been to a Planned Parenthood of some sort, yes?

[chiyo-no-saru.livejournal.com]

I agree, especially with your last bit.

[rabiddove.livejournal.com]

I SO agree with with this. while i think what you have is an ingrown hair

(i'm waiting for mine to get big enough to burst.. it's a painful process)

maybe you need to have a serious talk with him, given the circumstances I say he's been sampling other fruit. That or he's incredibly naive.

[as-she-melts.livejournal.com]

Also, even without medication you can be just fine. I only take anti-virals when I'm having an outbreak, and for the other 51 weeks of the year I don't even really think about it.

Also, ditto everyone else on the whole "STIs aren't disgusting" thing. I know I wouldn't want to be with someone who was so ignorant. Maybe he'll change his tune when you throw out the 1 in 4, which I hope you do. Personally, I'm not a bit disgusted that I have a virus. I'm not ashamed when I get a cold or the flu--why should this be any different?

[lamenting-gigno.livejournal.com]

I'd say go get it checked out by a doctor. And I just wanted to tell you that no matter what it turns out to be that you are not disgusting and your boyfriend is in the wrong with what he has said to you.

[lilium-vitiate.livejournal.com]

Personally, I think it sounds like a cyst, but no matter what, YOU ARE DEFINITELY NOT DISGUSTING nor is your life over. I can't believe that after four years of dating your boyfriend would treat you that way.

[chiyo-no-saru.livejournal.com]

I agree SO HARD with what everyone has said above.

Your boyfriend's reaction is totally irrational and out of line and, honestly, after a reaction like that I'd dump him.

Herpes is really pretty common, and it's possible to get it even from something like kissing your grandma (although it's much more unlikely for that to cause genital sores, but still).

What's "disgusting" is his reaction and insensitivity.

[atalanta0jess.livejournal.com]

word.

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[archangelbeth]

I am all for the "better paranoid than sorry" testing. However, even if it does wind up being a HSV, I would want to A) get tested to see which strain it is (if it doesn't say if it's HSV-1 or HSV-2 on a first test), and B) have him tested as well -- if it were HSV, it might well be HSV-1, which he could have given to you by performing oral sex whilst having a cold sore (or, more rarely, whilst having undetectable viral shedding).

Someone who would want to walk out on you because you had a cold sore in an inconvenient place... needs a bit of a reality check.

(As further evidence of how many people have HSV... I have it, orally. I presume it's HSV-1 because it's shown up reasonably frequently over my lifetime, and HSV-2 doesn't present much, orally. I even have a photo-documentary of one of my recent outbreaks! Cold sores/fever blisters (not to be confused with canker sores) are common. I try to be careful not to kiss my spouse or give him oral when I'm having one 'cause I don't want to transfer anything to him that he doesn't already have.)

Luck! I hope that it's just an ingrown hair. (And you might want to ask the guy if he had a guilty conscience, yeah...)

[talklikelions.livejournal.com]

It doesn't sound like herpes, but I'm an advocate for getting tested when you think it's possible. It'll put your mind at ease to know the answer, and you'll feel so much better if you know you're negative. And if you're positive, you can start taking a medication that will quell breakouts.
If it makes you feel any better, I went through this earlier this year. I went to the dr. and my test was equivocal, and I spent an entire weekend feeling horrible. I'm negative, they got my results mixed up, but the wait was intense.
The thing you have to keep reminding yourself is that it isn't disgusting and many people have it. It's one of those things that you always feel like won't happen to you, but if it does it isn't the end of the world. You could be diagnosed with much worse =/


As for your bf- obviously no one can tell you what to do, and having a child together complicates things. But if he's willing to breakup with you over something like this, I'd say he isn't worth your time. That isn't the kind of treatment anyone deserves, it just isn't right.

Personal opinion, though =) good luck, bb <3

[tweak23.livejournal.com]

BILL BILL BILL BILL


Bill Nye the science guy!


True to what this rad lady is saying.

[ticklemepiink.livejournal.com]

What everyone else said... but I also have to say when I found out I had "the herp" [as I lovingly refer to it] I thought I was disgusting for a while. That was until I did my research and understood it. Your boyfriend is misinformed and likely is only associating it with the stigma he knows. However, as said above, it's very possible that he has it as well and has never presented symptoms. That said, I don't think you have herpes. Does the bump hurt? Because herpes sores are sooooo painful and it hurts to pee and pretty much move. I've also had a veryyyy watery discharge with mine. I think your fine, but it's better to be safe than sorry and get checked. Try a Planned Parenthood! Goodluck. <33

[jilliaun.livejournal.com]

I agree that you are probably fine. Herpes fucking hurt, and if it is herpes the lymph nodes in your groin will be insanely swollen and tender.