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If you've recently checked our our FAQ on this subject, you know that we have a few guidelines that we ask members to keep in mind when responding to posts about sexual assault. While we fully support those recommendations, we also understand that it can make some members feel like they're not sure exactly how to respond. Our purpose certainly isn't to make well-intentioned commenters feel censored, but rather to help them understand why some comments may be more helpful or appropriate than are others.

Some ways you can help sexual assault survivors in VP:

1) Believe them. -- Sounds so simple, right? You might be surprised at how often -- out there in Real Life -- this just doesn't happen. As the University of Maryland Counseling Center mentions:

"A survivor divulges the incident of the sexual assault to a significant other because it is felt that this friend or family member can be trusted and will provide unconditional acceptance and support. They do not expect, nor do they need to be cross-examined, judged or blamed. Feelings that indicate to the survivor that she is to be blamed for the rape are based on false beliefs and SHOULD NOT be communicated to her. A woman's story should be believed and she should be offered support unconditionally."

Sometimes just saying "I believe you" lets survivors know they have allies.

2) Understand that their reactions are appropriate. -- Sexual assault is a very intense, very stressful situation, to say the least. It's not possible to predict how individuals will react to such a stressful situation, and it's not always reasonable to assume that survivors will react in a way that we deem "logical." Survival instinct can take many forms, including resistance, "freezing" or dissociating, or submission, even to the extent of asking an attacker to wear a condom.

Even if you don't necessarily understand why survivors acted a certain way, it's important to remember that in that situation, at that moment, they may have been doing the best -- or only -- thing they could do.

3) Validate their feelings. -- An event does not have to fit the legal definition of rape for survivors to feel victimized by their experiences. Sometimes we can be quick to think "it wasn't rape" because we think the survivor had a way out of the situation, but ultimately, what matters is not what we think but how that individual felt at the time. Most of the time, members don't come to us to ask about the legal definition of what happened to them (though some certainly do). They come to VP because they feel confused, helpless, or victimized, so it's crucial that we provide them with sympathy and support to help them through these feelings.

4) View sexual assault as a traumatic event. -- We know VPers don't trivialize the seriousness of sexual assault, but it can sometimes be difficult to comprehend how truly traumatic and life-changing rape can be. Compared to those who haven't been victims of crime, survivors of sexual assault tend to have increased rates of mental health conditions, such as substance abuse, depression, thoughts of and attempts at suicide, and post traumatic stress disorder.

This is actually one of the reasons we believe only survivors can make the call as to whether to report a rape. The process of filing a report and pressing charges is one that is often long and filled with victim-blaming attitudes, and sometimes a survivor is already dealing with recovery in a different way. While pressing charges can bring healing for some -- and while it may be tempting to think it will bring healing for all -- there can also be times when it's Just Not Possible for a survivor to handle one more thing.

Essentially, we're asking that you empower posters to take control of their own recoveries and lives since control is very much what assault took away from them. When considering a particular comment, a good bottom line might be to ask yourself, "Does this comment give control back to the OP, or does it take it away?" And ultimately, we hope all comments can be informed and understanding as well as empowering.

Our goal here is to promote this greater understanding through dialogue, so if you have any questions, concerns, or additional ideas to consider, please feel free to discuss them here.

:)
Tori
For the VP Team
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