2nd Time and I Think I Finally Broke

[xcrypticsugarx.livejournal.com]

The first time I had sex with my guy I thought he had de-flowered me, but my guessing was wrong because last night we had sex for the second time and I bled like no other! It hurt too, and he was telling me it's going to hurt no matter what...I kind of wish I had some lube on hand. I'm still spotting (wearing a pad) and when I wipe there's blood. He was so scared and concerned because of the blood.

So how long am I going to keep on spotting and when is the soreness going to end? Like when I sit down, it hurts also I have some mild cramping, is that normal? Oh yeah, why do I feel like bursting into tears?

Thanks for you adivce you guys, because really I don't have anyone else to talk to.

Comments

[queenanka.livejournal.com]

There is no set time. I spotted for both my first and second times. It all depends on your body

[jitteryladybug.livejournal.com]

next time tell him that you think there needs to be more foreplay! wait until you are super duper aroused and it will go smoother. Invest in some good lube, take things slow, and tell him that it doesn't have to hurt if you take it slow and put enough effort into it. But its not supposed to be work, its supposed to be fun.

Beginning your adventures in the world of the sexually active can be very scary! There are so many potential consequences of having a sexually active relationship, both physical and emotional, I don't think many people realize (initially) the extent that the emotional dynamics change in a relationship once you start having sex, there's a lot that happens. Just take it slow, don't do anything you're not comfortable doing, and keep up communication. If you feel comfortable showing your partner what feels good it will foster good communication and help a lot. Its supposed to please both of you, not just one of you, remember? Its a give/take process, you should reap the rewards too.

Spotting length depends on the extent of damage, and soreness too. Take a bath and soak, that may make you feel better. Or as some people have mentioned in the past, a bag of ice/frozen peas/something cool put over your crotch (not necessarily directly, through clothes is fine) can take away some discomfort in the region, be it from overly enthusiastic lovemaking or first time issues. Cramping isn't unusual either, keep in mind you just started doing something that we're evolved to do, and your body may just be realizing that. ;)

Good luck, and have fun.

[xcrypticsugarx.livejournal.com]

Thanks for the advice and its true about the emoitional part...the thing is he and I aren't really in a relationship its a "friends with benefits" thing. But I've always gotten this vibe that he wants more.

He was telling me to tell him what feels good and to show him how I finger myself when he was giving me oral because he wanted to please me. But I'm still shy and not that comfortable yet to show my wild side to him. But hopefully I'll start opening up more.

[xxchloroform.livejournal.com]

Awwww, honey. I cried every ten minutes after I lost my virginity. It's a very emotional thing, even for people who are totally ready and think it'll go 100% smoothly. I was 18, I was more than ready, and when I finally did it, it went okay. But once the guy left I just sat there and cried my eyes out. I guess it's because it's a major step in a girl's life, and it's very emotional and personal. I wouldn't worry about the crying too much. ;)

The spotting... well. I spotted for three days. I didn't have much blood initially, but it came after a few hours later. It all depends, really. Some girls don't bleed at all! I would just try and relax and not have any expectations for your body. This is brand new to you, and everyone's unique in their experiences. Don't worry about the spotting and the blood, and tell your friend not to worry either. It's perfectly normal to bleed for one, two, three, or maybe even more days. As for the cramping... ahaha, I was cramping for DAYS. That was the worst part, in my opinion. But a couple of Tylenol was enough to get rid of that, and after a while it just went away. It helps to relax, get lots of sleep, and not to abuse your poor deflowered vagina too much. In other words, tell the boy to back off for a couple of days, and give yourself time to heal.

Good luck!

[xcrypticsugarx.livejournal.com]

You hit it right on the money. On the drive home I got all misty eyed and this morning too. I stayed home from work and slept it off.

[facemcgee.livejournal.com]

I had completely forgotten that I cried afterward, too. It's been 5 years and I never remembered this until your reply! Wow. Intense!

Thanks...?

[femmefaeryvixen.livejournal.com]

Your body is different from everyone elses body, so there's absolutely no 'normal' or 'usual' set amount of time to bleed and be sore. I didn't bleed at all. I think that was because there was about 5 hours of foreplay and I used lube too. I definitely recommend those two things if you want to make your lovemaking go more smoothly.

Have a rest and next time take it very slow and give your body time to adjust. Like xxchloroform said, losing your virginity is a very emotional thing. It marks the end of a particular phase of your life and the start of a new one. Embrace your emotions and don't be afraid to feel them, they're there for a reason!

[jillyfaye.livejournal.com]

I definitely recommend Astroglide for lube, it makes things much more fun. It's water-based, and washes off with normal gentle soap and water. It's only about 8 dollars or so for a good-sized bottle, and you can go to a pharmacy and pay for it at the pharmacy counter if you're self-conscious about going to the regular checkout at a place like Walgreens or wherever you go to. (Don't get the "warming liquid" kind, that stuff sucks.) I bled for an entire week after my first time, and a few times after that I had spotting for a few days. It also depends on the size of your partner and the size of you. You might want to try a different position to try to get rid of the cramping, he might be hitting your cervix in an uncomfortable way.
Good luck!
ps... Yeah, I cried afterward, too.

[xcrypticsugarx.livejournal.com]

I actually saw that Astroglide in Walgreens, but wasn't sure. But instead I reached for the KY Warming Liquid. I didn't use it though. But I try out the Astroglide.

[sarah-mae13.livejournal.com]

I tried KY Warming Liquid and it bothered both me and my boyfriend at the time. I second the recommendation for Astroglide.

[loonylupinlover.livejournal.com]

he was telling me it's going to hurt no matter what...

That ABSOLUTELY does not have to be true!!! Using tons of lube (go buy some at the pharmacy, they've got a good basic selection), doing lots of foreplay beforehand, getting you close or to orgasm before he even gets inside you can do A LOT to reduce pain. My first time? Not painful at all. Because we practiced with fingers, took things slow, and he made absolutely sure that if I felt uncomfortable, that we would stop!

That statement gives me a bad feeling... like, if he expects it to hurt for you, that he thinks he shouldn't have to do anything that feels good for you. He may just be uneducated about how helpful stretching/fingering/foreplay can be, but honestly, it does not HAVE to be painful. It can be. But it shouldn't be a given that it automatically WILL be. It sounds like he was concerned about the blood, which is good, but he should also be concerned about the pain, and doing everything in his power to reduce that.

If there was any doubt at all in your mind about losing your virginity, that could account for the tears. Or, it could just be a ton of emotions brought up to the surface. Sometimes I cry during sex and I'm not a bit sad -- I'm just insanely in love, and feeling soooo good that my body can't figure out any way to get it out besides sobbing my head off, lol. Just a combination of intense physical and emotional sensations, and certainly losing one's virginity is both.