Afraid of Sex?

[strawberyfeilds.livejournal.com]

Hi everyone. I feel pretty silly asking about this, but it's been bugging me for a while now.


Okay. So I have some past issues. Body images issues are a problem for me for sure. My Dad recently apologized for his role in that. I've forgiven him. The issues are still there though.

Back in middle school (I'm a college sophomore now), a boy on my block sexually harassed me off and on for about 2 years. (He'd ask me for sexual favors.) We weren't in a relationship, he was just an acquaintance. Well, an acquaintance whose older brother bullied me and who took that role from his brother once he left.

The big thing I guess is that I was in an abusive relationship last year. I got into a relationship with a senior at my school. He was emotionally and sexually abusive. He sexually assaulted me on multiple occasions, and tried to rape me the last time I saw him. I stopped seeing him after that.

My problem now is that I'm afraid of getting into a relationship, and I'm even more afraid of having sex. I have this silly notion in my head that no one could possibly love me. All of this makes me very sad for many reasons, the least of which is that I someday want to be a wife and a mother.

Can anyone help me?

Comments

[strawberyfeilds.livejournal.com]

I really appreciate you responding. I think that men need to play a larger role in ending violence against women in general. It's not a women's issue, it's a human issue. Thanks for caring.

I have a couple of guy friends who I feel extremely close to. Unfortunately, one is in Connecticut and the other is in Denmark right now. I love both of them. (Not in love). I feel bad sometimes that they have to deal with my issues. I still can't imagine ever being loved though. I've only had one boyfriend before the jerk who abused and tried to rape me. And that was a pretty co-dependent relationship....

I don't know how to get over feeling so un-lovable.

[casemerjy.livejournal.com]

It is very much a human issue, and I also think more men need to be involved in it. It's unfortunately the loud obnoxious minority of men who ruin the reputation of the good guys that are out there and make it difficult.

I honestly can't offer you much advice, but right now you may just need some time. As some of the other respondents in this thread have stated, don't rush into anything. When you do feel ready, just be careful. Don't commit to anything before your sure.

Like I said before, my girlfriend has been through some bad relationships and we've talked at length about similar issues, such as feeling "unlovable" and "broken". In my experience, people end up going through a lot of crap in their lives, some of which can stir up these feelings. It's important to be open about these sort of things and especially in your case to remember it is NOT your fault. It can be hard, but try to stay positive. It's a big world, and somewhere out there I'm sure there's a guy who is right for you and will treat you with the honesty and respect you deserve.

What's happened in the past unfortunately can't be changed. What's important is to learn from it, accept it, and move on with your life in a positive way. I think you've already taken the first steps by reaching out for help, and that can be one of the hardest things to do.

I'm confident that you'll be fine and eventually fight the right guy. It may take some time and a little bit of trial and error, but you'll find him.