Masturbation guilt

[rotf-lmao.livejournal.com]

Okay. You all are going to get sick of me, aren't you? XD

Well, this is something that has been ongoing with me for...well, for years, really. And I really wanted to know if I'm the only one, or what.



I've been masturbating for years. Honestly, I think I started when I was eight or so. Of course, back then I had no idea what it was called or anything. All I knew was that it felt very good.

It's probably pertinent to mention, at this point, that I was raised in a very Catholic family. Went to Catholic school all my life; all that good stuff. So of course, as I got older, I kept masturbating, but I also began learning about sex in school. I got the Catholic version of sex education -- including the fact that masturbation, while a normal form of exploration, was also "sinful" because it was a form of "self-abuse".

Now I'm 26. I've come a long way from that Catholic schoolgirl. I've worked as a phone sex operator, written erotica, and have a drawer full of sex toys. And I still masturbate on a (very) regular basis, and still love it.

But....I know it sounds dumb, but every now and again I find myself feeling slightly guilty about it. It never stops me for long, but that guilt does surface occasionally. I suppose all that Catholic education dies hard, you know?

I know one thing -- if I ever have kids, I'm going to make sure that they know that masturbation and sexual fantasy is perfectly normal and healthy. I mean, after all -- isn't masturbation the safest form of sex you can have? *lol*

I just wondered if anyone else ever experienced anything like this.

Comments

[ic-shy-girl.livejournal.com]

I totally know what you mean. I used to try to wean myself off of masturbation when I was younger. Looking back, I feel sad about that. I don't feel nearly as guilty as I used to, but I still get it sometimes.

My boyfriend has the same thing, too, (right down to trying to wean himself off) so it's definitely not gender-specific. Probably more like society-specific.

[wildnsquirrelly.livejournal.com]

I've never felt guilty about masturbating, but a good (Catholic) friend of mine would get himself all worked up and ready to be with a woman only to back off at the last minute because of the guilt. I couldn't even tease the guy, I felt so bad for him. At least if you stop masturbating for a bit you're only disappointing yourself. ;)

[kogakudesu.livejournal.com]

I went to catholic school, 2nd to 8th grade and got the same thing. I was also masturbating when I was like, I don't know 10, though I just thought "feels good."

I used to feel vaguely paranoid like God was watching me. More like afraid of getting my hand caught in the cookie jar by God. (Though I never felt guilt b/c I could never see how what I was doing was actully wrong. Just fear of getting caught by God.) And that feeling still creeps up occasionally. So I've experienced similar.

[rotf-lmao.livejournal.com]

I know what you mean about feeling like you're being watched by God. *lol*

It's weird...but it's never enough to stop me for long.

[so-says-ali.livejournal.com]

Hand in the cookie jar, oh dear. That's exactly the feeling I get, but I've always just called it "the heebie-jeebies."

I'll refer to it as "fearing God catching me with my hand in my cookie jar" from now on, though.

[socal1968.livejournal.com]

Yep, me too. I have a hard time masturbating without a blanket or something covering me. I don't like to watch myself. Hm. Unless I'm in the shower... that's different for some reason. Wonder why...

[aechei.livejournal.com]

I started masturbating at about age 3-5. i can not remember ever NOT masturbating. didn't know what it was til i was 11, but i did it all the same. and long before i knew what it was, i knew it should be hidden. I got caught at about age 5 and made up all sorts of stuff about what i was doing. no one ever told me not to touch myself, i just "knew" i shouldn't let anyone know.

but i have always been very secretive from my parents. i don't tell tham ANYTHING. i am 21 now--i haven't told them i am queer (i have known for 7 years), I am having sex (5 years), or that i am engaged (3 months).

I don't feel any personal guilt about masturbating, and i don't try to hide the fact that i do from friends, but i would NEVER talk to my parents about it.

I was raised in a non-religious home, but also a non-share-y home.

[angelofstrange.livejournal.com]

Haha, I feel for you. I'm bisexual, have known about 6 years for that (I'm 21 too). My parents don't know I'm dating a 32 year old in Kansas I met online. They don't know I'm moving out to get an apartment with him in January. My sister knows I have a toy though, she told me one time I should get one and I told her I already had one and she said "About time!". My parents do know I had sex with my ex (dissapearing for a week with the boyfriend'll do that), but they ignore that. They don't know I'll be having it again while I'm in Kansas.

*high fives*

[heart-rachel.livejournal.com]

Couldn't be more off topic, but where in kansas? I live in wichita.

[angelofstrange.livejournal.com]

Ellsworth. I leave in 1 day 12 hours and 42 minutes to go see him. My bus comes in in Salina though.

[jocelina.livejournal.com]

I was raised in a non-religious home, but also a non-share-y home.

I was also raised in a non-share-y home, and I feel like I keep a lot of secrets from my parents/family too. Not because I feel that they would judge me or be angry with me if they knew (though they are nominally Catholic), but just because as a family we're not accustomed to discussing things like sex.

[so-cruel.livejournal.com]

If there was anything I never understood about the Catholic Church, it was the view of masturbation. I went to Catholic school K-12. I now teach at a Catholic school and I'm still Catholic, too. Yet I still don't get it. I mean, yes, I understand the explanation I've heard for the past X years of my life, but it will never really make sense to me. What is so bad about exploring your own body? I mean, I live in this body day in and day out... shouldn't I, like, want to know a little bit about it? Not to mention find pleasure with it. Or does that mean I'm objectifying myself? lol.

Either way, there are many things I disgree with the church on and masturbation happens to be one of them. I'd much rather my 9 year old daughter (when I have one) explores her own body than the body of another 9 year old.

[capnhowdie.livejournal.com]

i also went to a catholic school k-12 (all girls high school too, of course! :)

they way i understand it after all those years (and reading the catholic catechism for shits and giggles) is like this:
anything sexual is reserved for the union of marriage between a man and a woman with the intent of creating children. any "spilling of the seed" (through masturbation, oral sex, birth control) is wrong in "the church's" eyes.

even though im no longer practicing, i still get the catholic guilt...before i got married i would still have that little nagging...this is wrong feeling in the back of my head every time i had sex/masturbated.

but gimme a break. ive got a clit! it has NO OTHER PURPOSE than to provide me with pleasure. god gave it to me and im gonna use it!

[so-cruel.livejournal.com]

Well yeah, I know the church explanation that I've been hearing my whole life (which is basically what you said - anything sex is only for procreation and only for married people). But to me, restricting masturbation under that just seems ridiculous. Nonetheless, the church has the right to come up with it's laws and I have the right to not follow them. So no harm done.

[wistfuljen.livejournal.com]

For me, it's all a matter of perception.

As in... sometimes that nagging feeling of guilt makes what I am doing just a little bit hotter. ;)

But yes, I know what you mean.

[annick-jean.livejournal.com]

Oh yes. My education was painfully "innocent". It wasn't until I was 12 that I understood that people who get married don't just get "blessed" with children. I had thought that sex was some sort of sinful thing that only weak people indulged in.

[sinful-grrrl.livejournal.com]

I used to have masturbation related guilt, but I worked to get rid of it because I know that 1. I own my body 2. my genitals AREN'T dirty and 3. it's not wrong.

I wasn't raised Catholic, just raised by parents who never talked about anything like that. I don't recall ever masturbating as a young child, but I do remember really well the time I was futzing with my shirt, trying to tuck it in smoothly and my mother went, "GET YOUR HAND OUT OF YOUR PANTS!" (keeping in mind, this was in our HOUSE, not in the store or something) and I was like *jumps* and being about six at the time went "hand in pants=BAD! ZOMG! BAD!" and lumped masturbation into that too and didn't do it.

Masturbation has been a wonderful way for me to feel better about my body and sexuality and to know myself better. Course, it's taken me since that hand-in-pants thing til a couple months ago to really start masturbating, but I don't feel any guilt about it.

[cialyth.livejournal.com]

I started masturbating when I was 15, and ohboy. I had tons of guilt back then -- I was always paranoid that my ancestors would be like "That girl.. SHE'S A BAD ONE. She's GOING TO HELL FOR THIS!" or something.

Same guilt occurs when I'm watching porn, unfortunately.

So yeeep. It's happens to many people, and just takes time to get used to. I love masturbation, and I absolutely love how it has helped me get in touch with my body and what 'works'.

[flowershadow.livejournal.com]

Man, I am SO glad you wrote this! I guess that I'm kind of naive, but up until now, I thought that I was the only one who's been masturbating since before kindergarten! I just figured I was wierd.

But yes, I felt guilty then, and I still (occasionally) feel guilty now. I used to be very, very VERY active in church, where they taught that ANY sex (including masterbation) was wrong and dirty and sinful UNLESS done with your heterosexual spouse.

I guess that that teaching left it's mark on me, and it wasn't until I "switched" religions that I became more aware and appreciative of my body (I'm Pagan and bisexual, both of which I'm very comfortable with :) ). Still, sometimes I still feel guilty about masterbating! And porn! Gah. I guess that another poster mentioned it; I *still* can't watch it without feeling guilty to some extent! It's horrible, because I can really get into *some* porn, but I just can't do it.

Anyway! No, you're not alone!

[rosehiptea.livejournal.com]

My mother caught me masturbating once. (Well, actually I was sort of exploring) and she was really angry and I think she hit me. It was just once but I guess it left it's psychological mark because I do/have felt guilty. I only had an orgasm from masturbating once.

But lately what I mostly feel is pathetic. I feel like "Well, no one would actually have sex with me so I'm masturbating." Back when I had an online boyfriend, though it may have been a bad idea in some ways, I felt OK about it.

[dying-in-stereo.livejournal.com]

I was in catholic school too. I totally know what you mean. I think the first time i ever masturbated was in like 5th grade (so 8 or something) and yeah. I remember feeling so guilty (i used a brush, hahaha) but I always feel guilty when Im done. not like omg I SINNED, but just like man i shouldnt have done that. Im really not religious at all even though my parents attempted to bring me up that way (and now neither of them are religious at all) but its just I dunno really why I feel guilty after I do it but I totally understand your situation. I have sex toys that go for days and sometimes i look at them and feel guilty for having them. but I love them so it doesnt matter.

[socal1968.livejournal.com]

I masturbated early (in my crib, no joke) and often. Heh. I didn't know it had a name until I was about 11 and read a book that had a character who did it. I don't remember the name, but it was by Judy Blume. Anyway, I tried to stop many, many times as a child. I wasn't Catholic, but I did have guilt. Somehow I knew it was something I wasn't supposed to do (I was Christian, and yes, I felt like God was watching). I haven't felt guilty about it since I'd say I was about 17 or so (I'm 38 now.) But as I mentioned in response to another comment, to this day I am much more comfortable doing it under a blanket, unless I'm in the shower for some reason.

[rotf-lmao.livejournal.com]

The book you're referring to is probably Deenie. I had the same book...*lol*

I never feel guilty while I'm doing it; it usually kicks in right afterwards, like, "Oh, damn. I shouldn't have done that." But it never lasts long, you know?

[oublei.livejournal.com]

I grew up largely non-religious, am an Atheist, and still feel occasional pangs of guilt about masturbating.

This has recently been complicated by masturbating to porn--an act that I found reprehensible before and still have a hard time NOT judging men about doing.

[matchgirl42.livejournal.com]

I was raised Catholic and also Southern Baptist at the same time, and I got pretty much the same indoctrination. So I know the guilt of which you speak. I think my guilt has come more from not wanting my parents to know I was masturbating, rather than thinking it was an inherently bad/sinful thing to do. Because I knew they wouldn't approve, and might even kick me out of the house. That, of course, led to what a friend of mine recently called Ninja Orgasms - I'm really, really silent when I masturbate and when I cum, and it's become a habit to hold my breath as I cum. Even when I lived by myself. Wierd, I know.

[lil-mizz-vixen.livejournal.com]

i was raised catholic, and it took me until about a year ago (i'm 20 now) to break the "habit", even though i haven't believed a bunch of the church's stances sincei was about 14. i still get a slight remorse now and then. don't know any way to avoid it, but at least i'm not the only one!

[glass-bloke.livejournal.com]

The great sci-fi writer Robert A Heinlein once wrote in a novel, "Masturbation is cheap, clean, free from any thought of wrong doing, you don't have to go home in the cold and you meet a better class of person". These words of wisdom have kept me guilt free for decades.

[-lauren-ashley.livejournal.com]

I'm 17, and I'm Southern Baptist, and I got talks about the evils of premarital sex but never about masturbation. When I got my first period, my mom handed me a book on the subject and that was it! However, just a couple of weeks ago, my mom and I were on the phone, and we were talking about the Mark Foley scandal (he was our congressman), and my mom said something to the effect of, "I don't understand why people would do such a thing. I mean, if you've gotta touch somebody, touch YOURSELF." Words of wisdom to live by, I guess ;)