Period rant

[rotf-lmao.livejournal.com]

You know, I've read many posts in this and certain other communities, written by girls/women who obviously feel quite positive about this whole period business. I've always marveled at that, because my own feelings about the phenomenon are quite different....



I hate having my period. Okay? Loathe it. In fact, if there were a way for me to stop it permanently, I'd probably do it in a heartbeat. But since I think it would be rather difficult to convince a doctor to perform a full hysterectomy on a healthy 26-year-old just because she doesn't want it anymore...I'm most likely stuck with it, no?

Right now, I'm on the third day of my period. I'm crampy as hell, I'm bloated like a fucking baby beluga, and I'm moody as all get out. I could deal with all that, though, if I didn't feel so dirty. Seriously. I feel rotten, like I could take four showers a day and still not feel clean.

Of course the pad thing only makes it worse, since every time I go to the bathroom I have a visual reminder of what's going on. I know I've got the option to use tampons, but since they make my cramps have cramps, that's really not an option.

I've heard of women who make art out of used pads and menstrual blood, and while I'm amazed that they're able to do that, I'll be honest: I don't understand it. I don't even want to be reminded of mine at all, let alone turn it into art. The smell, the sight....it just sickens me.

I know it's all terribly unfeminist of me and everything, but I honestly cannot stand having my period. When I skip a month (or two, or three), it's not a cause for concern; I'm too busy thanking whatever God may exist that I get to bypass the whole fucking mess for a while.

And I feel like my poor vagina's stuck in the middle of all this. Normally she and I are best friends. I pay her much attention. :) But, when my damn ovaries & uterus decide to make their presence known -- well, the situation gets icy. My vagina and I spend a week each month not being on speaking terms.



I just felt the need to post this tonight. I hope no one's offended by it, but this is the way I feel, so I won't apologize.

Comments

[aluvrianne.livejournal.com]

Wow, that was like reading one of my own rants, nearly word for word. I had endo and have PCOS which made my periods a living hell. I'm not sure if I hadn't been as miserable as I was if I would have come to the same conclusions. Menstruation was a living nightmare from my first period. I hated the bleeding, the smell, how physically horrible I felt, the waste of money on pads and tampons, the ruined clothing and bedding. . . . I tried HBC and several other things over a span of about ten years and I just couldn't get things under control (I'd never had a normal cycle and when it came, I'd bleed for weeks at a time. The constant anemia, the sore vag that was always plugged or covered up, poor girl couldn't breathe, and the cramps that k-oed me, I just couldn't stand it.) I had a really rough go at the whole period game.

I finally found a doctor who understood that my "female problems" were completely dictating how I lived and that I was unable to function like a normal person. I had a hysterectomy on 8/31. I'm 26. It's one of the best things I've ever done. Of course, I still get to face menopause when my ovaries finally crap out on me. I wish the best for you.