Is sex like an addiction?

[lunarcapricorn.livejournal.com]

Do some people really NEED sex? Like they can't function without it?

I would like to have a sex-less relationship, but I've noticed that when we go without for a while, my boyfriend gets more determined to have sex. He starts making dirty comments/jokes, grabbing me, touching me more, etc. He's not the nice man I know, he gets scary. Sometimes I really have to fight him off.

I don't understand it because I can go forever without. Do some people just NEED to have sex?

Comments

[parhelion-spark.livejournal.com]

Being a nice guy most of the time does not, under any circumstances, make it okay to scare someone into having sex with them, and the OP said her partner gets "scary". While I agree that it is very important for the OP to clearly express her desire to not have sex with her partner, she should also never, ever have to "fight him off". If he's forcing himself on her or manipulating her emotions to get her to have sex with him, he is doing a terrible thing. He is not expressing his love and desire for her, he is doing her serious harm. Confusing passion with force is a dangerous idea.

Um. Yes. Pray, where was this notion of forced sexual contact in any way supported? I seem to see many sentiments to the contrary, although admittedly, most are on my part, due to his vehemence occuring in the subsequent aim..post./.thingy.. i dont know what to call the individual text clumps. Oh well.

Like I said, it was just -his- perspective, not all of malekinds. But boy, like I said, tries to see the good in people, and is entirely too optimistic about human natures in general. Note the allusions to the 'nice guy' aspect. In general, if someone indeed does attempt to force himself on you, one does not persist in finding any aspect of the creature nice. 'Scary' and 'fight him off' can be interpretted different ways. On one hand you have physical violence, physical forcing, attempted rape. On the other you have mood swings, and verbal coersion. Since he does not know the OP, he has know way of knowing the way it was mean. As I'm sure you've at some time recognized, people are capable of exaggeration, or mis/vaguely wording, and not necessarily recognizing it.

Based off the 'nice guy' aspect, he saw it as the lighter severity end of the scale..which..is to say people can be prone to dramatic sentiment. (not knowing the op personally, they cannot be excluded from this consideration). True, this is a hopelessly idealistic way to view humankind, giving them the benefit of the doubt and somesuch, certainly not at all akin to my own cynical view of things, but since male perspectives in this com are rare here as far as I know, I thought to let the OP see and decide anyway, hopelessly forgiving or not.

Asto his perspective, he's highly emotional. The idea of loveless sex repulses him, so he doesn't view the world that way. Thus the beauty of perspective. I realize you're simply trying to uh..enlighten on these points, but really, were they not understood to be of HIS PERSPECTIVE, they would not have been laid out as such.

This being vp, it seemed obvious to me a great deal of the comments would relate to the 'FUCKING ASSHOLE GRR HE HAS NO RIGHT' sentiments, I didn't post the excessive disclaimers/explanations, they seemed redundant.

I would recommend (and kindly, so take no offense) reading things aibt more thoroughly. I'd not have taken such pains to explain the perspectives, the impressions, and so on were it not clear to me that without some context, someone would find something to get indignant over.

Oh, and if my wording/whatnots off, and burrowing into unforseen cracks in my comment are to occur, may we just skip it? I've a hell of a headache and a broken nose, and don't feel like engaging in any lengthy dramas.

[silentxsarecool.livejournal.com]

I understand what you're saying - that it's just his perspective. However, saying "Well, he loves her enough to want her terribly. That must mean something!" is a bit of a slippery comment. On the one hand, you've got your boyfriend who, by the sound of it, really does love you and really does value sex as an extension of that love. On the other, you've got men who excuse the coercion of their partners (whether emotional or physical - neither is excuseable and the two shouldn't be compared heirarchically or as extremes on a scale) by saying that it's all because they love their partner so much or because she's so beautiful they just couldn't resist. Maybe your boyfriend is a bit naive in only seeing the good side, but planting the idea in any woman's head that their boyfriend is coercing them because he loves them so much can be a bit dangerous. It helps to normalize the abuse. And it's dangerous whether it's someone else's personal perspective or not. (On that note - it is some people's personal perspective that women who flirt or wear revealing clothing are "asking" to be raped. Absurd, I know, but still a similar line of thinking. I use this only to illustrate a point. I'm not suggesting that you or the bf feel this way.)

I think that's what MangoFandango was trying to say. It's a dangerous comment and it leans a little towards excusing. Maybe your boy's an optimist. That doesn't mean that his sunny viewpoint necessarily applies to or is right in any or all situations simply because it's a personal point of view (it also doesn't necessarily mean it's wrong). We need to remember that the sanctity of our own personal opinions and POVS really only exists in our own heads. Other people can, and will, point out perceived flaws. And the fact that the flaws are being pointed out in opinions does not make the criticisms any less valid.

Hopefully *that* wasn't too off. I'm having trouble being coherent, as well, after being hit in the ear at racquetball today directly following a fight with my *own* boyfriend. It must be an unlucky week...

[parhelion-spark.livejournal.com]

Ahh, yeah, well being the cynic I kinda pointed those things out. I only figured the less cynical view might be useful though, on the offchance he really was a nice guy, yknow?

I get what you're saying though, about the dangers of normalizing, but I honestly didn't think it was much of a risk, cuz well..like all the comments to this kinda reference the whole NOT OKness of it all, but I'm kinda naive too..


Oww. Wait, I hope -he- wasn't the one who it you? o.o;;
Or it was an accident? er.. ow still! even if so! But thats better than mean boys! Uh.. iit's just..for the record, my own injuries came from my family, but anyone who's seen any says 'leave the bastard' and assumes the worst, and i dont wanna do that and HEY look im rambling.
/shuts up now

[parhelion-spark.livejournal.com]

Oh, and ftr, if I had come off hostile at any point (the previous comment or the prior in response) It's not actually..aimed.. anywhere.. and apologies.. urgh. surpressed angries make me come off badly alot of the time. >.>;