Fluid Bonding

[amyranth.livejournal.com]

I saw a reference to this in an answer to somebody else's post, but for the life of me, I cannot remember precisely what the reference was to/for.

So, fluid bonding. What is it?

Comments

[br0ken_dolly]

the only context i know of is when two sexual partners have unprotected sex together, they are fluid-bound. i also hear it in context of when same partners are committed to each other, and std-free, but i'm pretty sure this is not exactly a requirement.

not sure if this is a term meant in another context...

[amyranth.livejournal.com]

I HAD heard rumor that the female body absorbs a chemical from the male's semen that causes her to... I don't know how to put it... bond, I guess to her male counterpart.

Of course, nowadays it could be slang for swallowing after oral sex.

[emmycantbemeeko.livejournal.com]

I have no idea whether or not the "emotional bonding" thing is true or not, but it's my definite impression that when most people say "fluid bonded" they mean they exchange STI-risk fluids with their partner and (presumably) trust their partner to keep them safe and informed about any changes to their STI status. While that naturally has a lot of emotional significance for many people, I don't think the phrase actually refers to the idea that fluid exchange will literally bond you to another person- more that it's a concious choice to trust and share a certain risk level with a loved one.

But of course it's a phrase/label that has different meanings for different people (which incidentally is why I think it's not a very good or productive one- I think clarity and uniformity of vocabulary is pretty essential when discussing things like "are you putting me at risk for a sexually transmitted disease?", and that cutesy/fashionable labels should not get in the way of that, as the varying definitions here demonstrate that they easily can).

[mactavish.livejournal.com]

Chemical? Fluid bonding? Semen . . . chemical thing? Never heard of it.

In most uses I'm familiar with, it means that we're willing to accept the risk of exchanging body fluids beyond simple open-mouth kissing, spit-swapping. It means that we (can) have intercourse without a condom. Some people will do oral sex without barriers but use condoms and call that safer sex, but some will use barriers for any kind of fluid swapping.

I'm in an open relationship, but I choose only to be fluid-bonded with my primary/wedded/live-in/10-year partner. Everyone else (not like there's a lot) gets barriers.

There's a variety of reasons for fluid bonding. STD prevention is a basic one, if you're fluid-bonded with no or few people, the risk of germ spreading is less. I've had friends who are only fluid-bonded with anyone they'd be willing to get pregnant with, and specifically, I've known people who are polyamorous who don't have intercourse with any but their potential coparent, just to avoid any risk of accidental pregnancy with someone else.

And some folks just like the emotional intimacy it can bring about and want to share that with one or very few people.

My primary partner and I use condoms for birth control. We're fluid-bonded, but are still a bit careful about pregnancy, within what we consider acceptable risk.

[br0ken_dolly]

i wonder if females produce antibodies to some part of a man's sperm. interesting.

nothing i care to think too much about. heh. ick. ;)

[maramaria.livejournal.com]

I believe I read something like this in Women's Bodies, Women's Wisdom (http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0553382098/sr=1-1/qid=1154454859/ref=pd_bbs_1/103-6818921-2806225?ie=UTF8&s=books). I don't have the book with me at the moment to double-check, but as far as I remember the author was explaining how women could start producing antibodies against the sperm of some of their partners, which could lead to allergic reactions and difficulty/inability to get pregnant from them.

And in the August 2005 issue of Cosmo they were talking about sperm allergy and the way to treat it (it included injections of sperm, ugh!)

[night-of-love.livejournal.com]

My partner and I consider ourselves to be fluid bonded because we engage in various forms of "risky" intimacy without barrier protection. We still use condoms for "penis in vagina in-out-in-out" sex, to avoid pregancy, but we have unprotected oral sex.

The most important part of this is that, even though we are not monogomous, neither he nor I will engage in any acts that involve swapping bodily fluids (blood, semen, cervical fluid, etc) with another person unless there is unrefuitable evidence that the third party does not have any STIs.

our fluid bond is unbelivably important to me (kind of like monogomy might be important to some other people). I represents an incredible degree of trust for me, and it allows me to feel that my health is protected.

I hope this makes sense!

I hope this makes some sense.

[mactavish.livejournal.com]

Precisely ditto.

[salix-03.livejournal.com]

My partner and I have unprotected (well, I'm on the pill, but you know what I mean) sex, drink from the same cup, and if he cut himself I wouldn't run for the latex gloves before putting a bandaid on him. I consider ourselves to be completely fluid bonded.

I have a partial fluid bond with a close friend, in that we'll share a cup etc, and I'm not fussy about blood contact.

Pretty much, it means you trust that other person to know their STD status, and be honest with you.

[pvalov-rings.livejournal.com]

by cup do you mean a drinking cup or a menstrual cup?

[salix-03.livejournal.com]

Drinking cup - I see how that was less than clear! :)

[twilight-echo.livejournal.com]

I read somewhere that a woman's body releases a certain hormone during sex and during labor/birth that attaches the woman chemically to the person. You should check on that, though, because I don't remember where I read it or if it was a reliable source.

[amyranth.livejournal.com]

That's it!

It has something to do with deepening the feelings for her partner because of it. I believe that this applies to Female/Female partnerships as well.

But yes, I was lead to believe that, among other things it was something that completed the connection between a woman and her mate because of this chemical she supposedly absorbs.

[twilight-echo.livejournal.com]

I'm sure it works for female/female relationships, too. I'm glad I could help!

[amyranth.livejournal.com]

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Oxytocin

The Cuddle Chemical, forges the bond between Mother/Child at birth and Woman/Partner after orgasm.

Interesting.

[twilight-echo.livejournal.com]

Ah-ha! Thanks for finding that.

[mactavish.livejournal.com]

Note that it says "after orgasm," not after fluid-exchange. Otherwise, it wouldn't work between women, or between me and my fluid-bonded but condom-for-birthcontrol partner.

[paraxeni.livejournal.com]

Note that it says "after orgasm," not after fluid-exchange. Otherwise, it wouldn't work between women

Erm, there's plenty of 'fluid exchange' between me and my girlfriend, probably more than between a man and woman.

[mactavish.livejournal.com]

I should have been more specific. If it's about fluid bonding rather than shared sensual energy creating the endorphins (and PIV intercourse with male ejaculate, which is the implication I'm gathering) then there are lots of different ways in which it wouldn't work, including f/f sex that doesn't involve tons of fluid (most of mine hasn't, I'm not as wet as I was back when I was young and spry), and m/f intercourse with a condom. And in those situations, the deep bonding often does occur. The theory holds no water, for me. Shared endorphins? Yes. Fluid-bonding leading to trust/intimacy (warranted or otherwise)? Probably. Fluid-sharing in and of itself causing the chemical changes that affect emotion? I doubt it. There's too much contrary evidence.

[paraxeni.livejournal.com]

Oh I don't believe that the fluid itself creates the connection, it's definitely the oxytocin released after orgasm that strengthens the bond. I know that we have multiple orgasms (and multiple types of orgasm) every time we have sex, and the more I come the more bonded I feel to my partner., I was merely pointing out that sometimes f/f sex can involve fluid exchange. We certainly indulge in ejaculation play frequently, and I've certainly managed to ejaculate nside her on several occasions, it can be done! (Anything boys can do, I can do wetter!) I just like to dispel the myth that lesbian sex is a dry, 'romantic' affair.

[paraxeni.livejournal.com]

Oops, premature posting! I meant to add that in real life (for those who've never experienced it directly) that f/f sex isn't how it's portrayed in porn, it can be every bit as rough, messy and wild as m/f piv intercourse.

[destynnee.livejournal.com]

fluid bonding is mostly used in relationships were more than one person other than your current partner maybe involved... many in the poly world and S&M world use this. i myself do. i become fluid bonding to one or 2 of my partners, IE no barries, but use barries with everyone else. this is only used though when all know they are std free and clean. it is a good idea to still get tested on a reg basis, even if in a mon relationship and a VERY good idea if in a open one.

the biggest idea behind this is that the person who is in your life the most and you dont have to worry about barries and just enjoy sex as it is, where ever and when ever..

i first read about fluid bonding on a S&M site, and also in the ethical slut.. which is a awesome book, even for those who are not poly.

[3-black-cats.livejournal.com]

I'm confused. Would you mind clarifying what you mean by "STI free and clean"?

[destynnee.livejournal.com]

sti = std
you can be without any std's or sti's which ever way you want to call it.. and yet not be clean... i know many who have no std/i's yet lead dirty lives... do not bathe, have sex with everyone or anyone..... those who have say lice / scabbies / cold sores all of the time... unclean...

[3-black-cats.livejournal.com]

While I agree with you that not bathing might mean a person is not "clean," I'm having trouble with agreeing that people who get cold sores frequently are also not "clean." After all, cold sores caused by HSV can be contracted in a variety of ways, most of which have nothing to do with personal hygiene. Here's a link (http://www.ashastd.org/herpes/herpes_learn_questions.cfm#2) about cold sores and HSV.

Also, sexual behavior (e.g. sleeping with anyone and everyone) is also difficult to put a "clean" or "not clean" label on. After all, there have to be just as many people who "sleep with anyone and everyone" who are very hygenic and free of STI's as there are people who are not so hygenic and may or may not have an STI.

The use of the word "clean" is important in this community, as I'm sure you're aware, so I just wanted to clarify a bit. :)

[destynnee.livejournal.com]

I use the word clean as I see fit, and I do not see those who sleep with everyone and anyone as clean.. that is my opinion.... and most of the people who I have ever met who have many cold sores, I mean right after another after another... are not clean people. they do not do what needs to be done to keep it from happening.. if you get one every once in a great while okay maybe you are a clean person.. but if you always have one... to me.. you are not clean... but then again i am a clean freak and germaphob....

and i know all about cold sores and hsv, but thanks for the link, i am always up for more info about health issues and such like that. :)

(frozen) Safe Space Warning

[mangofandango.livejournal.com]

In this comment, you refer to people who have STIs as "not clean". Comments like those can make our members feel needlessly marginalized, alienated, and ashamed. This violates VP's safe space policy, and is not allowed in this community. Additionally, it's important to avoid making comments in VP that use the word "clean" to mean "STI-free." Using "clean" that way implies that people who have STIs are "dirty," and we prefer not to further that harmful stereotype. Given the context of this warning, we want to emphasize that you are obviously free to use the word however you want to in your own life, but please respect that in this community it is not allowed.
For more information on this policy, you can read our guidelines here:
http://www.vaginapagina.com/faq.php?#WhyCantIUseClean

If you have any questions or would like to discuss this further, please post to [Bad username or site: @ livejournal.com] rather than replying here, out of respect for the OP.

mangofandango
on behalf of the VP team

[mactavish.livejournal.com]

I'm not that fond of The Ethical Slut (or Loving More) and I am poly.

[destynnee.livejournal.com]

Im sorry that you are not. I myself love that book, and tell many people about it.. Even those that are not poly... I didnt mean it to be that if you are this way you must read this book.. tis just the first and only book i have found where it did not put down those of us who are poly.... eh oh well

[mactavish.livejournal.com]

Why sorry?

[synthetique.livejournal.com]

I hope you don't mind that I'm latching onto this comment two years too late, but if you're still around: why aren't you fond of it?