GYN Trauma

[pamsfriends.livejournal.com]

Yesterday, I went to the gynecologist for the first time.

Never having been sexually active, I was determined not to be at risk for HPV and the pap smear was deemed unnecessary. Yay, right?

Not so fast.

They still had to do a pelvic exam with the finger...a digital exam, right?

Is it normal to feel totally and completely physically and emotionally violated by the experience?

Nothing, and I mean nothing, had ever been, you know, "up there" before that point. I have an irrational fear of cotton balls, so shoving tampons up there was out of the question, and I have never masturbated (I'm not morally against it or anything, I've just never felt the urge).

It was all like "questions, questions, questions," and I'm like "I can handle this, I will just answer her questions," and then HELLO FINGER REALLY FAR UP MY COOTER. I have a problem with my right foot and every three weeks I have to go in and have a procedure done without any anesthesia, and it hurts less than this.

She was all like "OK, this is your cervix." I felt like saying "Hey, it's awesome that I have one, now can you let go? It's not a bottle cap, it's not going to come off!"

I was in pain for the rest of the day. I am still in pain now. There is no physical reason why I should be in pain.

How can I get over this? I feel like I have been violated. I'm not one of those people who's afraid she's "not a virgin" because something's been up there now. I know I'm still a virgin.

Also, my GYN thought maybe I should seek counseling because I freaked out so much and that she worries for my future relationships. Right now all four relationships I've had have been long-distance, that is, I longed for someone and he kept his distance. I didn't know how to communicate to her that it would be very different when I am with someone I love, someone I hope knows my body, something I'm ready for, and not a clinical exam with Dr. Periscopes-For-Fingers.

Comments

Re: Trauma survived (long comment but hopefully helpful)

[hopingforrain.livejournal.com]

What was the hymenotomy like? Was it traumatic? I know someone who might need onen someday so I want to learn more about it.

Re: Trauma survived (long comment but hopefully helpful)

[sarah-mae13.livejournal.com]

Actually the hymenotomy was not bad. It was an out-patient procedure but I did have general anesthesia (I don't know if they do it with local but maybe some doctors do?). Basically my gynecologist made two or three incisions to the hymen so that it would be open. The worst part was the nausea afterward from the anesthesia.

The difference was immediately noticeable. I realized that for the first time ever, I could see my vaginal opening. I had always just thought I was small and tense and that's why I couldn't insert anything. It was a revelation in terms of getting to know my body. :-)