it's time to let my labia rip

[honeyassassin.livejournal.com]

hi vaginapagina :)
i've been lurking around here for a while now, so i thought i would introduce myself! i'm karen, and not having any problems with my vagina at the moment (thankfully) i'm just so interested in womens health and vaginas and things like that.

when i was 12, my dad bought me "Our Bodies, Ourselves" and it was my favorite book for a long time. i loved all the illustrations and diagrams of vaginas of all kinds shapes and sizes. what other books are good?

anyway this is a great community- looking forward to getting to know you girls! (or at least your vaginas? ha)

GYN visit this morning at 8:30 EST

[edrecovery.livejournal.com]

I will likely be hospitalized straight from his office and have a hysterectomy tomorrow. (OOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOO, reflex . . . thought I was going to blow his azz off and find someone else, but as I said next, I'm feeling reallllllllllly awful.)

I HATE hospitals, but I am feeling so poorly that I am beginning to welcome the idea.

Last night while sitting and talking to my husband I all but passed out. Reallllllllllly freaky. This after collapsing in the garage; this morning I collapsed while walking over to turn on my puter. Last night I collapsed on the stairs on the way to bed. I'm sure the collapsing is related to all this. It wouldn't be unheard of to have MAJOR weakness with what I have going on. In fact, it and the pain that crept into my appendix area (didn't want to take a chance THERE) and DOWN MY LEGS is what made me finally seek medical attention for this that I have IGNORED/denied far too long.

Don't be fooled. The prospect of a total hysterectomy at 27 is not without the normal fear (and then some . . . too much info), trepidation, and onslaught of feelings. Sometimes the pure pain and sickness of it all quiets the voices of "reason." It's sick, take it out !@#$% it. Who cares if I am 27 or 72. To put it off will force the issue of an abdominal hysterectomy as well as cause me to "endure" this hellish pain that has become my life. Wait? What? So I can have opportunity to have an IVF procedure? NIMRODS, I chose TL so as not to face MORE heart-breaking miscarriages, infertility, COSTLY infertility treatments (that I cannot afford) . . . to NOT risk uterine rupture, a pregnancy on bedrest WITH a child, etc. etc. Furthermore, WHAT SPECIALIST IN THEIR RIGHT MIND (even remotely) would perform an IVF on someone in MY condition!?

Well, my rant. I feel like I'm going to hurl, but I haven't eaten anything. So, do I put something in there on the off chance it will go down KNOWING I will likely be placed on NPO status, provided I stay with him. Gee, has my resolve grown weak or what. Another night of virtually no sleep, collapsing, damn. Guess I do have the choice to think him a manipulative, insensitive prick with a god complex . . . who might be able to help me . . . N O W! After my results and having only gotten back in the office yesterday (my appt was his last day 'til now), they wanted me to have first appt this morning. Sooooooo, gee, does he take THIS SERIOUSLY! Yep. Did he want ALL the facts? Yep, but I swear to God he has 'em. Hubby and I think he is scared by this anomaly he has never seen, PARTICULARLY in conjunction with facing traumatic injury he has never seen (surgically). But if he doesn't think he can handle this he ought have sent me on after I TOLD him.

Well, three hours 'til the moment of truth. Options? Do I cave?

I've probably just been a bitch. He wanted ALL the facts. I ranted and raved and . . . he is still seeing me today.