from my zine, "on the rag"

[shellyday.livejournal.com]

so, why did i do this anyway?

as i sit here bleeding onto probably my second to last cloth pad of the month, i am realizing that this period was a real non hassle and possibly one of the best i’ve ever had. i attribute this to the sea sponge, worn in m y cunt, like a tampon, but oh so much better. but before i get to all the glory of the sponge, i want to give my menstrual history.

i started my period when i was 12 and a half, the exact date was July 6, 1995, which m ade me 12 and 8 months old. I remember a lot of the other girls in school had gotten there’s and i felt left out and behind (back in those days i was more content in fitting in). my mother had always been open with me about menstruation and had talked t o me as well as given me little pa mphlets about it. it was on a chart in one of these that i faithfully recorded the date and length of every period. when i got my period i went to my mothers bathroom and got one of her pads to use. then i called my m other where she was working with my father in his office (which
was conveniently in the back yard) and told her i had something to tell her. she came over shortly and i did the dreaded and admitted to her my menarche (first menstruation). she was prett y excited and emotional, the most i mportant thing to me at the time however was that she not tell my dad. she seemed to understand this and didn’t tell him for a couple of years until he asked her if there was something wrong with me.


this bodily sha me started early for me, though i am really not sure where it developed from. the only thing i can think of is that my mother’s extreme openness about it turned me away. she would mark her period on the calendar in the kitchen , talk about PMS, ask fami ly members to get her a pad from another bathroom when she was on the toilet. possibly her extreme openness just lost to the cultural shame and secrecy surrounding menstruation.

what i really want to talk about though is menstrual products. i started wi th pads. after a day or two of my mother’s bulky pads, i requested a more comfortable and discreet pad. she found me Stayfree with wings. (i remember maybe twice in the early menstrual years going to the store with her for period gear, though i remember fear and secrecy as a large pa rt of the experience). i have to say that for a disposable, bleached, unbreathable, pad, this one was great and i used it until i started tampons and during then as a back up and on the remaining light days. this was such a comfortable pad it really did n’t feel like i was wearing one (oh except for that wonderful bloody squish).

so on my second period i bled on my bed for the first time and hated it. i cried and told my mother saying that i needed tampons. she got me some Tampax juniors. so i was goi ng to the county fair with my sister and dad that second period, i wanted to wear a tampon there, but i could not get it it. i freaked out and tried and tried and then ended up not going, i think i was afraid of lea king. i can remember that from m y pad days: the leaking. at night the blood drips up your butt crack right through your underwear, onto the sheets. during a heavy day, if my pad wasn’t positioned just right the blood would squish up my butt to the very edge of the pad and onto my under wear. fortunately i never had any sort of “accident” or bleeding through my clothes in public. but why is this such a horrendous thing? after all 50 percent of the world's population will, does, or has menstruated. bl ood- it happens, right?


i lived in f ear of tampons for a couple more years, using only pads. i think when i was a sophomore i tried tampons again and found a suitable product. these were Playtex slimfits with plastic applicators. well, being a bit of an environmentalist, i was feel ing guilty about all the garbage i was producing. by this time though i was hooked on tampons and thought that the smooth easily insert-able plastic was all that would work for me. sometime before my senior year i got it into my head to try organic tampons. i don’t remember how specifically this came about. possibly it was from reading Our Bodies, Ourselves. this has been my resource for most of my health and sexuality needs since junior high. in it i learned about TSS and also about alternatives to the disposable pads and tampons that i had been using. i also learned that there has NEVER been a (reported) case of TSS while a woman was using organic tampons. that, i found to be an unbeatable fact that persuaded me to try organic tampons. i got mi ne at my co-op. Natracare with cardboard applicators was the brand i tried first. they weren’t bad. they weren’t quite as effortless as those smooth plastic playtex, but i felt the sacrifice was worth it: my TSS risk had been reduced and i was throwing out les s garbage. i have to mention that i still used “back-up” at this time. the Stayfree ultra thin pads were quite useful and i would wear one for several hours (i rarely leaked). also towards the end of my period, on the light days i would use the Stayfre e. OK, now i know that you’re not supposed to wear tampons overnight, but i never could deal with the bloody butt crack, so i always did. so pads were for back up and light days.


for 2 years this was my method, then i felt more and more guilty abou t the cardboard applicators that i was throwing away and decided to try Natracare with out applicators. this took some effort to get used to but i did it. those were good, but sometimes hard to position corr ectly, and when they weren’t, and i had to pu ll them out and put in a new one dry, well that hurt.


that pain scared me. one of the reasons why TSS happens is because the vaginal walls get ripped up because of the dryness. then the staphyloccocus aur eus bacteria which is present in 15 per cent o f women's vaginas (though it’s usually dormant) is able to turn into TSS. also it was just unpleasant, my uterus hurts enough when i’m ragging, my cunt doesn’t have to also. tampons were also bothersome beca use of the way my bleeding is: it ge ts heavy an d light and then heavy again and i can’t always gauge when that will happen. so the problem with tampons was that i couldn’t predict when exactly i’d stop bleeding. i’d put a tampon in and have to take it out dry after 8 hours. my period is n’t really that heavy and sometimes even on a heavy day, after 8 hours i’d still be a little dry. this was unpleasant and annoying. but i dealt with it; what was my alternative?


i thought i found one about a year ago. The Keeper, on the website it l ooks great. a reusable (for 10 years!), rubber cup, worn internally, needs to be emptied about every 12 hours! no TSS risk, comfortable. well it didn’t work for me, so i went back to tampons.

about 2 years ago i s tarted hearing about reusable pads. i had read abou t them and i was living with a friend who used them. the idea intrigued me but didn’t seem like something i’d want to do. cloth pads are what women used to use before disposables existed, they used to b e made of old rags, hence “on the rag”. now women make them to be more absorbent and comfortable using flannel. they can be made in the shape of a disposable pad (or longer in back to prevent ass crack drip) and you can put “wings” on using snaps or vel cro. after you bleed on them you soak them in cold water to prevent staining and then just throw them in with the rest of the laundry. this seemed like a good idea in terms of being environmentally friendly, but what a hassle!

i finally tried them, bu t only as back up and on light days. i loved the m! they are beautiful, soft and sustainable! it’s not really a hassle to clean them. now that i’m living in a dorm it’s more changeling, but i just keep a bucket of water in my room and rinse discreetly in the sink. so this tampon/cloth pad method wor ked for a while and then i discovered something new.

sea sponges! yay! i had seen them and i can’t remember why, but i didn’t want to try them. well i did last period. i’ve only used them once, but it was great! they are an actual or ganism, an anim al of some kind from the ocean. when you buy them from a company selling them for menstrual use, they are cleaned and safe (well actually they have not been tested by anyone really, but the company sterilizes them. you can clean them eve n more by boiling them (though it makes them deteriorate faster) and you can disinfect them with different things, including tea tree oil which kills the bacteria that causes TSS. there have been 2 reported cases of TSS with sea sponges, but i’d say keep them clean and you’re good to go. i liked them so much because you moisten them when you put them in, so they are not dry and painful. they also can be taken out and put back in whenever, so you can rinse whenever y ou want and it doesn’t matter how muc h you haven’t bl ed. you use the same one or 2 for up to 6 months. rinsing and soaking in different solutions between wearings. i have faith in the sea sponge and i won’t go back to cotton plugs!

i put this zine t ogether for a couple of reasons. i wa nt to stop the me nstrual silence (and vagina silence in general). i think it is ridiculous that it isn’t socially acceptable for women to discuss menstruation. i also want to educate women on their choices in prod ucts and the health risks and environme ntal impact involv ed. happy bleeding.

rachel warnerr

Comments

[ladyhelen.livejournal.com]

Thanks for this Shelly - it made really interesting reading! I agree with you, menstruation is something that approx. 50% of the population have been doing since the dawn of mankind - surely we should be able to discuss it openly by now! :o) Thanks again for a great article!

Re:

[shellyday.livejournal.com]

i'm glad you enjoyed it! thanks.

[puppyofspaz.livejournal.com]

=D fantastic article!

Re:

[shellyday.livejournal.com]

thank you!

*sniff*

[staticat.livejournal.com]

wow!
that sounds so much like me! ..the too open mom, the fear of tampons (one of those tiny tampax's got lost -horrible!), the stayfree *sheads a tear* aww
that was a great read
i want a sea sponge

Re: *sniff*

[shellyday.livejournal.com]

thanks.
sea sponge website:
www.jadeandpearl.com