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[certixus.livejournal.com]

got a question, am not sure if this would be clear but i'll try my best.

if i do anything sexual, i just dont really feel much... i'm limited to a select few activities such as oral sex and fingering at the same time, and even then sometimes i'll just not feel much until something is changed or moved then i'll feel again.

why is that? am i not aroused enough? i dont think that's the case because there's plenty of times i AM aroused, but i just dont feel much. is this something i should see a gyno about?

it's annoying because when my girl and i are participating in tribandism, she feels everything and i dont? am i doing something wrong? is my clit too small that i need to find the exact spot and stay with it?

Comments

[prettyamyrose.livejournal.com]

I think you might need to work on finding your special spots that get you going. Experiment and have a fun time with it alone or with your partner to show her what you like the most. I recommend toys if you are comfortable with that sort of thing.

Keep in mind, I've only been in one sexual relationship and have been celebate for the past few years, but I had to try a few different things before I started to really enjoy any form of sex.

[certixus.livejournal.com]

i've already done that, we experiment quite a lot, but i just dont feel... that's the odd thing, i'm not feeling much?

[blackchurch.livejournal.com]

Hmn, Have you looked at all of your parts and compaired them with anyone else? I'm also curious if you have any different sensations internally or externally? Just a thought.

[vamessedup.livejournal.com]

Have you tried exploring outside the realm or the vulv neighborhood? Some people just aren't very receptive to stimulation there, but go nuts over having other parts of their bodies touched. Some people it's the nipples, others the neck, some like toes...whatever. I think the key is to keep exploring your entire body until you find what you like.

I've had a similar problem to what you're experiencing. It has since packed its bags and moved away. I think part of it had to do with the person I was in a relationship. It was my first serious relationship and the first person I'd had sex with. It seemed that nothing he ever did worked for me, and after a while I would just get frustrated and tell him to stop. I realize now that it was probably my body's internal defense mechanism just telling me that I wasn't comfortable with what was going on emotionally. Maybe you just aren't comfortable with your partner, maybe not. Just a few words for thought. Is this something that's always been an issue for you?

[certixus.livejournal.com]

perhaps, i've thought about that, but what conflicts is that i'm enjoying and comfortable with things, so why not i be feeling sensations? i dont feel much if i try to masturbate either, so that's why i dont bother to. i'm thinking maybe it's something physical.

[fionnghuala.livejournal.com]

HMm... it's just occurred to me to say that if you're enjoying what's happening, then that's all good. The amount of sensation you get is really all about taking the time to do what I hate to call 'foreplay', and building up your arousal and interest. Getting to a crescendo of amazing sensation is kind of like a game you play with your body. Slowly figuring out what works to make you feel good.

[fionnghuala.livejournal.com]

I have had similar experiences to the poster above of not feeling much when I haven't been comfortable.

For me it was my nipples. Currently my nipples are extremely sensitive, and easily the quickest way for me to get turned on is to have my nipples touched. But for years I had almost no sensation from my nipples or breasts. I just felt mild embarrassment when other people played with them.

I think this is all about how relaxed, confident, and active-in-the-sex I am feeling, although it's very hard to put my finger on exactly the difference I know that my level of sensation varies massively dependent on my mood.

Something that strikes me from your post is the mention that you experiment a lot, but still don't feel very much. If you're not getting much sensation from what you're doing, perhaps the experimentation you're doing is not as focused on your pleasure and your own unique experience as it could be. There's no point comparing yourself to other people, you need to find out what *you* enjoy. Not just in terms of how your touched and what positions you're in, but in terms of how you feel, and what feels fun, safe, respectful, etc to you.

[certixus.livejournal.com]

oh the experimentation is also focused on me and my pleasure... and i'm fine with everything, it's not like i'm uncomfortable or not feeling safe, etc etc... everything is in working order except for feeling sensations.

[fionnghuala.livejournal.com]

Thinking back over this, I wish I'd just said quite clearly - physical sensation is massively dependant on emotion and mood. My body feels completely different depending on the frame of mind I'm in and the kind of scene I'm in. For example, I have a relatively casual sexual relationship at the moment which is very much about having a laugh. We joke together a lot, and we say and do lots of sexual things just because they are funny. This physically feels a lot different than all my previous sexual experiences that have been quite serious and reverent.

My body is a thousand times more sensitive when I am turned on and playful, and the nature of the sensation I have is massively variable. Tho sitting in my chair at work, as I am now, I don't have any of the complexity and depth of feeling. Additionally, the level of sensation I've had is very much something that's built up over time. When I first had sex ten years ago it was nothing like that, and the excitement came a lot more from the idea of what I was doing. So don't despair if you are fairly new to sex, the level of confidence and comfort with your body and so on is something that you build up and are learning for your whole life.

I would be reluctant to go to the doctor if I were you, because although they might be able to do something for you, they will have their own ideas about normal sexual response and you might end up going through a lot of heartache and stress to try to measure up to what the medical model says you should be feeling.

I still sense from your replies to this post that you are comparing yourself to the other people around you, and trying to force your body into a way of being sexual that might not be right for you. If you don't feel the sensation, then there is no point in doing the kind of stuff you are doing, look for other stuff that might stimulate you.If you don't get much out of obviously sexual stuff with your partner, perhaps focus on affection and exploring how you feel about her. I am a great believer in talking, talking, talking with my partners. You might find, for example, that hearing her talk about previous sexual experiences, or describing the sensation she gets from you touching her will have more of an effect on your erogenous zones than having them physically stimulated.

Hope that's useful and doesn't sound too judgemental... This thread really reminds me how hard it is to learn how to have sex. I've had zillions of partners yet still find it really really difficult to begin to have sex with someone new, or keep it happening when my life gets stressful. You just have to trust your body and your instincts and keep your eye on the ball - that it's all about having fun in the way that's right for you, and that's really all it's about.

[thekat03.livejournal.com]

you know how you feel clothing when you put it on, but you stop noticing it pretty quickly?
it sounds like that's the kind of what you're experiencing
your nerve ends are getting used to the sensation or stimulation, and so it's not noticeable anymore
you find that you don't feel things until something changes
work with that
change what you're doing, or have your partner change what she's doing more often
try switching to contrasting stimulation, such as alternating a warm tongue with cold puffs of air

[byrdee.livejournal.com]

I have a lot of problems with feeling things too. The only thing I can really feel when my boy is down there is clit stimulation. Try ice..? Temperature changes can make a big difference.?
Good luck!
<3 Byrdee

[certixus.livejournal.com]

do you think it's something that should be checked out, or is it just a lack of sensation/sensitivity?

[byrdee.livejournal.com]

I don't really think it's anything worth checking out, you could possibly ask your doctor or gyn about it. I think it might also just be a lack or sensitivity, or as someone else said, problems with being 100 % intimate and close with your partner. I really don't know, only having had one partner.... :/
<3 Byrdee