Extreme fear/paranoia of pregnancy

[caylei.livejournal.com]

Every time I've had sex (which now, is about four times) I always am ridiculously paranoid even if I get my period or anything. I never let a guy come near me without a condom and I'm going to be getting on the pill soon. However, on the 8th of last month, my boyfriend and I fooled around. We ended up having sex, but he didn't finish. What worries me is that before he put the condom on- his penis touched around the front of my vagina and it had precum. 
Now, I got my full blown period on the 19th. Yet, I still keep myself up at night and sometimes I almost convince myself that I am.
I might go buy a pregnancy test today, but I'm even terrified of that. 

Has anyone else been in this situation? Any advice?

Still not feeling good about this.. Does anyonr else have any advice?

Comments

[stacyinthecity.livejournal.com]

Do you rationally know how conception happens, like the different phases of a woman's cycle, when she is fertile, how the ejaculate works, all of that? What I'm getting at, is is this a rational fear because you lack knowlege or an irrational fear because you know that there is no way that you are possibly pregnant but still have all the anxiety?

If it is a rational fear, read Taking Charge of Your Fertility - there are only a few days a month when you are fertile and the book can help teach you how to identify them (it only works for women on non hormonal varieties of birth control). Also note that sperm are only found in precum if a man has ejaculated but not peed prior to producing the precum. Also, it wouldn't be a lot of sperm and considering the hazards of the vagina for the sperm, it would be a miracle if any of them survived (during sex the penis is up in the vagina which shortens the distance the sperm must travel, but it sounds like he wasn't inside of you with precum).

If this is an irrational fear and you know all of this already, perhaps it would be worth talking to a therapist about anxiety.

I wish you luck that you can put your fears to rest!

[caylei.livejournal.com]

I'm aware of all of the above and I know that it is highly unlikely to get pregnant like that, but the anxiety just won't go away. There is not enough protection in the world to put my fears to rest. I do suffer from anxiety issues and just had my first major panic attack on Friday. I plan on getting medicated soon and am abstaining until I feel comfortable with sex again. I just don't find the worry and stress worth it.

[stacyinthecity.livejournal.com]

Yeah, it definitely sounds like you may benefit from talking to a therapist. I have a lot of anxiety issues too and I've learned good strategies for dealing thanks to a therapist.

Good luck!

[kaberett.livejournal.com]

That sounds like a really healthy decision for you, right now. Go you for making it. <3

[kaberett.livejournal.com]

In addition to the suggestions made above, it might be worth you looking into tokophobia (fear of pregnancy and childbirth), if you do think that this is more about anxiety eating your brain than about risk factors.

Also, good luck.

[caylei.livejournal.com]

Well, I just got my second period since the last time I had sex. So, I'm feeling a lot better.

[babytalking.livejournal.com]

I agree that you could benefit from discussing this with a therapist. I think fear of getting pregnant at the wrong time (or at all, for some women) is something that many, many women go through, but if it's haunting you with anxiety, you deserve to live a life free from that fear. Another thing you could do is buy a pack of cheap pregnancy tests (Wondfos are accurate and cost less than $10 for a 25-pack on Amazon), so that you could ease your mind when you started getting really bad anxiety. Not sure if that would help or make things worse, but if you could have that proof that you aren't pregnant, maybe it could take the edge off your worst bouts of anxiety? I know there have been times in the past it helped me.

[darlahood.livejournal.com]

Seconding reading Taking Charge of Your Fertility and maybe a wee bit of cognitive therapy where you remind yourself, "Hey this is not my fertile time! I will be ok!" Sex is for enjoyment, not worry, so don't let yourself get on the hamster wheel of freaking out over pregnancy.

In your situation, just getting on the pill will help, but it's not an instant cure. My concern is that you'd have anxiety about taking the pill at the wrong time of day, etc. Like your fear would just transfer to the pill taking. Be fair and kind to yourself. Gently ask yourself what is causing this phobia.

[the-physicist.livejournal.com]

i know that feeling. i had it drilled into me so much that everything could and would get me pregnant... it is good to know what can get you pregnant, but it's seriously messed up when all it does it make you paranoid and stressed for no reason.

pre-cum could contain sperm if the guy came earlier in the day and didn't flush out his urethra in between (i.e. pee). if it's been days since he last came, for example, pre-cum could not ever contain any sperm ever, though.

if you've had your period you are most likely not pregnant.

it can be really hard to lose that fear though, when you hear about people who got pregnant in the strangest ways and then continued to have their periods...

but those are the absolute exceptions and often it is those who are in complete denial about being pregnant who continue having their periods (if your mind tells your body you are not pregnant, your body can go to quite some lengths to obey.)

it took me almost 5 years to lose the paranoia. i hope you can lose it sooner. in the mean time, if you can get hold of free pregnancy tests from a doctor or clinic, or have the money to buy some cheap ones - it could be worth it just to put your mind at ease. over time, every time you see the negative it will help calm you down about the fear that was put into you and help you see things more objectively. you need to protect yourself against pregnancy, obviously, and by all accounts you aren't one who will suddenly forget all she's learnt and have protectionless sex! but it should be something to enjoy, not something that will give you stress.

now i'm finally able to be reasonable about sex and contraception and i can trust my body. if you are pregnant or something is up with your cycle, your body will know and you will be able to pick up on that if you listen to your instincts and those aren't clouded by too much thoughts of what might or might not 'logically' happen.

[caylei.livejournal.com]

Are you on the pill?

[the-physicist.livejournal.com]

no, but i used to be. it didn't agree with me in the end (mentally).

[caylei.livejournal.com]

A lot of people I know have the same issue.
So, do you just rely on condoms or?

[the-physicist.livejournal.com]

a bit of everything. the only time my partner is allowed to come inside me is on the first couple of days of my period when i know now that you can't actually get pregnant. had to be a biology teacher to learn that one though, because i had it drilled into me that you could get pregnant then too. i know better safe than sorry when trying to teach kids what can get them pregnant, but i think they went overboard a bit at my school with putting the fear of pregnancy into me, if you know what i mean? blanket statements in order to 'not confuse'. but misinformation is not okay in my books. grrr.

anyway. otherwise i ban him from coming inside me. if there's a chance his pre-cum might contain sperm he's not allowed near my vagina. otherwise i trust him to pull out on time. but we used condoms until i trusted him enough to know that he could always do that. we have been sleeping together for 6 years and i only got to trusting him with that 3 months ago. don't tell a guy it's trust issue though, they might just try and emotionally pressure you and manipulate you (oh, so you don't trust me? clearly you don't love me!). URGH. but yeah, only do it when you feel safe with that method and completely know your partner will do it always.

otherwise i stick to anal sex. i find it's far more pleasurable anyway, no worries about pregnancy either. i'm also a big fan of non penetrative sex or being the one to penetrate my partner. there's lots you can do that doesn't risk pregnancy when you are not in the mood to risk a scare.

[the-physicist.livejournal.com]

oh and also... being on the pill didn't help my paranoia. because then i'd had sperm inside me, right? and what if the pill didn't work? maybe it didn't digest right, maybe i forgot it and forgot that i forgot it? maybe this maybe that... urgh.

[caylei.livejournal.com]

Yeah, I'm just not going to have sex anymore. Definitely not worth it. I'm still paranoid even though I'm starting my second period since the last time.

[the-physicist.livejournal.com]

i'm sorry to hear that. that kind of paranoia is no fun, i know. :( used to drive my partner up the wall too, he moaned a lot about all the 'pregnancy scares'. -_- maybe reading up information that is less alarmist on what can and can't get you pregnant might help. i know it did help me to understand pregnancy properly from a biology point of view.

[murphtang.livejournal.com]

I have horrible toccophobia, which sometimes makes me have anxiety attacks in the middle of the night. I am on the implant, because it is 100% autonomous--I don't have to remember or do anything, it just works for 3 years. Ive had so many issues with it re: periods going haywire and such, but, for me, it was the lesser of two evils. I desperately want my tubes tied (well, what I *really* want is a hysterectomy, but medically that's not going to happen :() but I get the "You are too young" thing from everyone I speak to (nevermind I've NEVER wanted biological children). I find what eases my panic is a) making sure I know what my options are if I were to become pregnant (here in the UK I would have access to a free abortion, surgical or medical depending on the time I had been pregnant) and where to get that help (in my case, sexual health clinic and then referral), b) taking pregnancy tests when my anxiety gets very bad (i.e. I haven't been able to stop thinking about it for a week), c) speaking with my boyfriend about it and about what would happen were I to get pregnant (abortion, he would come with me and support me), and d) having birth control that is very effective and unlikely to fail due to human error (reason why I won't rely on just condoms or the pill).

I hope you manage to find a way to cope :) I know some people find it easier to deal with if they know their cycle and their symptoms of each stage in their cycle off by heart...keeping a notebook of how you feel (cramps, headaches, bloating, cravings, breast tenderness, increased sexual desire, etc.) may help you too, if you can see patterns and see that they are normal feelings for the time in your cycle (I always think my pre-period cramps are baby cramps...until I look back and remember no this always happens ;)).

[caylei.livejournal.com]

Have you always been on birth control while being sexually active?

[murphtang.livejournal.com]

I used condoms for about two months when I first started having sex, but the paranoia got so bad that I went on the pill. Then, when my ex and I broke up, I went off the pill again...with my next partner I pretty quickly went on the implant, again because of the paranoia (I took maybe four morning after pills because I was convinced the condom had somehow broken -_-;).

[buttcrackderby.livejournal.com]

I have the exact same feelings as you. I do not want children and getting pregnant scares me senseless.

I've had a few scares and I was sooooo scared when taking that pregnancy test. Never came out positive which was lucky for me. I DID have one time where the condom slipped off and I immediately when and got plan B, took it, then wasn't pregnant.

I usually just use condoms, I also will not even let a guy near me without one, but I want to start taking the pill on top of using condoms to give me a better sense of security.

Have you thought about getting an IUD? Their published rate or failure is the lowest of all contraception, I think... This article gives more info on it. http://edition.cnn.com/2012/05/23/health/iuds-implants-versus-pill-birth-control/index.html