non painful sex after baby?

[iterative-steps.livejournal.com]

This question is for you ladies that have had babies or know about the aftermath :).

I had my adorable little girl two months ago. 19 hours of labor and 30 minutes of pushing. I ended up with a tiny tear, but it was so small I didn't need stitches. Now, because of all that trauma, I have been a little nervous about having sex with my husband. Well, we've done it about 3 times and the last two times I've ended up bleeding after wards. Not like a period, but like "things" were stretched a little too far. It hasn't been very comfortable and it hasn't even been rough sex. Do I have to wait longer for it to feel better? We've been using lube and it still feels like a tree branch poking a jellyfish. Any ideas on this? Thanks in advance!

Comments

[draiochta-faol.livejournal.com]

You will feel uncomfortable for a while. I had very minimal tearing with my first child and it was 6-9 months before I had completely painless sex. The only tip I have for you is to go slow and use more lube than you think you will need. It does get better though, you just have to hang in there and figure out what works best for you and your husband.

[mangofandango.livejournal.com]

I second "loads of lube", but also wanted to mention to the OP - for me, silicone lube works much better. Unlike water-based stuff, it stays slippery much, much longer, and it is lighter so I like how it feels more (even when I have to use a lot of it).

[iterative-steps.livejournal.com]

i will definitely use like half the bottle of lube lol.

[shamayim.livejournal.com]

I've been having this same problem. My baby girl is 3 months old. I had to switch lubes from KY to Astroglide which works much better. I bled a little as well afterwards. I had a csection and it still hurt! Its just now where its getting kinda comfortable for me, my husband just has to go slow. My OB told me to drink some wine before and even prescribed me Xanax. I just wasn't relaxing.

[mangofandango.livejournal.com]

Hi!

First, some reassurance: it's early yet, at 2 months postpartum. It will get better! It might take some time, but it will.

You may still have some healing going on, and it may also be that your body just has to have some more time to adjust to penetration again. For me, it took a long time - but for me, there were also a few compounding issues, which I'll get to in a second. But first - have you had your OB take a look since the birth? If not, it might be good to have them check and make sure all is healing properly, there are no infections (even yeast or anything like that), and so on.

Are you feeling relaxed enough during sex? Sometimes, anticipating pain or feeling nervous about sex can make it painful.

Also, are you breastfeeding? If so, your vagina may be a bit more...irritable, because of lower estrogen levels. This will normalize some with time, though you may remain a bit sensitive throughout your breastfeeding relationship. (I have remained sensitive, though my OB/GYN says my estrogen levels may be extra low due to my Mirena IUD combined with breastfeeding. The sensitivity got better, and it has been worth it...but my vagina is easily annoyed right now. ;))

If it's any reassurance, I tore very, very badly and healing was pretty intense. I had scar tissue, and had pain with penetration for a long time...but even that got better! It took months before I could have sex at all comfortably, maybe even a year (I've lost track at this point, my daughter is 20 months old). I think anxiety about that fed the issue for me, along with the more irritable, low-estrogen vaginal tissue. But I am having comfortable sex these days, and have been for a while. It still requires plenty of lube and it's slightly uncomfortable with initial penetration, but it's totally manageable and gets to the fun stuff very quickly. ;) I'm pretty confident in saying that if you are healed and everything is otherwise okay, you'll get there - presumably sooner than I did, but be patient with yourself and give it time.

Feel free to ask if anything I said brings up more questions! Having people to ask when I was going through this was important for me, and I'd be happy to help you if I can.

[iterative-steps.livejournal.com]

i don't think i'm relaxed lol. i keep saying "wait, wait, wait!" lol.

i am breastfeeding. i heard that it could have an impact, but i wasn't expecting this.

i'm so glad for this community because i really don't have anyone to ask this and i'm not about to ask my mom lol

[mangofandango.livejournal.com]

As for the breastfeeding sensitivity, it will probably get somewhat better as time goes on (it did for me), and it probably isn't the main source of your issues...but it's a thing to be aware of, yeah. Some doctors will prescribe an estrogen cream to apply vaginally once your supply is well-established, though mine was nervous about it because she was concerned the estrogen would impact my supply...and that made me nervous too, so I didn't take her up on the offer. However, that may be an option if things don't get better after a while.

I think the inability to relax (which I totally understand!) combined with everything else is the hardest thing to overcome. For me, it helped to go nuts with the foreplay, use tons of lube, and then sort of accomplish penetration by increments. ;) A little at a time, pausing to take some deep breaths, until I was more comfortable. Also, using a vibrator during the initial penetration seemed to help, both because it allowed me to focus a bit more on what felt *good* about the experience and because I think the vibration sort of felt like a tiny massage, relaxing the area a bit and changing the sensation.

[sanscesse.livejournal.com]

Your labor situation is pretty much the same as mine!

Just make sure to use TONS of lube for awhile, and go easy during sex.
The above comments are wonderful, too.
You'll be ok!

[hairballsplat.livejournal.com]

after my first child (tore all the way thru to rectum), it took about 4 months before I could even think about having sex. eventually we got back to 'normal' (a different normal i suppose.) i don't remember how long it took to get there, but we did. so maybe it'll take a little longer and maybe go slower, more foreplay?

[gavinsmommy84.livejournal.com]

I was single after my son was born, so I didn't have sex for awhile after his birth, maybe 5 months. Sex wasn't painful at all at that point. So, maybe you just need some extra healing time to feel more comfortable. :)

[geminigirl]

Are you nursing? Breastfeeding can do a job on your hormones, and many people find that their sex drives are lower, they tear more easily and lubrication is a lot harder. It may resolve over time, some people find that their doctor or midwife will prescribe an estrogen cream that helps.

Is your tear totally healed? Some people heal more slowly than others, and it's possible that you're irritating it again and again and opening it back up. That's something that your midwife or doctor may check out for you if you haven't had a postpartum follow up yet.

I had "a skid mark" after my first baby was born and it still took almost a year before sex felt good again. I know after my second, while sex felt okay much sooner (no tears, no skid marks, just a hematoma at the introitus, and that was gone very soon) I had no sex drive until she was over a year old.

Even a small tear can cause scar tissue, which takes a lot of time to relax and stretch and which doesn't lubricate the same way that the other vaginal tissue does.

It gets better. Lots of lube, take it easy, be patient, and it you notice that it doesn't start to improve in a few months, then it may be time to talk to your midwife or doctor.

Congratulations on your baby.

[seekingzen.livejournal.com]

All 3 of my kids were cesareans, so my issues would be very different than yours... But I had excruciating pain during sex for a couple-few months after the first, and some milder pain after my 3rd. Lubrication issues varied among the three, but it was always related to how much I was nursing my babies and how relaxed I was in the moment. Post-partum sex can be fun, and it can also be challenging, especially since you're often wondering how long you have until the baby cries, and that's just not sexy. ;-)

That said, if the pain and bleeding continues, you might consider checking in with your ob-gyn, just to be safe.

[nofixedstars.livejournal.com]

it's all of the above & maybe a bit more...your baby is still very little & it takes a while for those interior tissues to heal fully. you're probably rather tired from being a mother & being up at night, etc...that alone can impact sex lives! obviously, when you're nursing, you don't want to get tanked as the preferred method to help you relax, but a glass or two of wine now & then won't hurt, especially if you time it so baby is not likely to nurse shortly after your drink. lube is a good thing, but real relaxation is key also; maybe your partner could give you a decent massage with warm oil as part of foreplay? lots of new moms (& not new!) have muscle tension in the back, neck, & shoulders, which doesn't help with a relaxation & arousal response. plus, as the primary caregiver for a new life, it's really nice to have someone take care of you as a balance to all the energy you put out. and it can be so helpful in bringing you & your partner into harmony as well, both physically & mentally, which is important for good sex.