I just need a little support. Body issues/illnesses.

[justforapicture.livejournal.com]

 I know this isn't vagina related but I just found out some things that are really scaring me and I'm absolutely hating myself right now.

After a weird bout of urinary issues, I got a ton of blood tests/urine tests done. Nothing came up weird or anything, except for the fact that my liver enzyme functions were high. I asked my friend's mom what this means, since she's an ER nurse, and basically told me something I never wanted to hear.

She said that she's scared it's prediabetes. I'm overweight, about 185 and 5'6". I work out 1-3 times a week and try to eat somewhat normally. I have my bouts of tons of pizza or too many desserts on holidays, but nothing severe. My father has diabetes and it all makes too much sense now and I'm just really having a hard time thinking about this.

There is a chance it's something else, though. Liver enzyme functions can change daily and depend on meds or just go up and down if they feel like it. But also with the GI issues I have, there's a chance it's gal stones/gal bladder issues. It's pathetic, but a surgical procedure to remove stones is better, in my head, than knowing that my weight caused this.

At this point, I'm in my bed crying and hoping some lightning bolt strikes me dead because I'm so scared of everything. I'm scared of giving up food (because it's an emotional eating thing for me sometimes, but then again, there are times I miss 2 meals a day because of anxiety), I'm scared of getting diabetes and having no control over what I can eat, and I'm just hating myself for being fat. I never thought of myself as fat. I don't really LOOK fat. I'm very "solid" as people call it. I'm proportioned well and I just can't believe this could be such a huge issue.

I know that I need to get my weight under control. I know it's going to be hard. But I'm just really scared and at this point, don't want to eat at all. I'm having a huge self-loathing moment and was just hoping someone could help me out. Please :(.

Comments

[mamierock.livejournal.com]

I think it's kind of cruel and irresponsible for your friend's mom to tell you this. She is NOT a doctor and shouldn't be giving you medical advice. I say this as someone whose mother is an RN.

Just a little googling, I found this (http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/elevated-liver-enzymes/MY00508/DSECTION=causes):

Many diseases and conditions can contribute to elevated liver enzymes. Your doctor determines the specific cause of your elevated liver enzymes by reviewing your medications, your signs and symptoms and, in some cases, other tests and procedures.

More common causes of elevated liver enzymes include:

* Certain prescription medications, including statin drugs used to control cholesterol
* Hepatitis A
* Hepatitis B
* Hepatitis C
* Nonalcoholic fatty liver disease
* Obesity
* Over-the-counter pain medications, including acetaminophen (Tylenol, others)

Other causes of elevated liver enzymes may include:

* Alcoholic hepatitis
* Autoimmune hepatitis
* Celiac disease
* Cirrhosis
* Cytomegalovirus (CMV) infection
* Dermatomyositis
* Epstein-Barr virus
* Gallbladder inflammation (cholecystitis)
* Heart attack
* Hemochromatosis
* Hypothyroidism (underactive thyroid)
* Liver cancer
* Mononucleosis
* Muscular dystrophy
* Pancreatitis
* Polymyositis
* Toxic hepatitis
* Wilson's disease






Diabetes isn't even on that list! You should really talk to your doctor about this, not your friend's mom. Good luck!

[kimie-catclaw.livejournal.com]

This ^
Also, even if you are diabetic (or pre-diabetic), there are quite a few things (including genetics- you mentioned your dad having it) that can lead to it, not just being overweight.

[justforapicture.livejournal.com]

Thank you thank you! For the record, when they called with the results, they just said that they can go up and down for any odd reason, but they're going to send me to a GI to make sure everything's alright. So my doctor wasn't of much help. But anyways, thanks again for that list and for the advice. I really appreciate it :)

[darlahood.livejournal.com]

You forgot Gilbert's Syndrome ;)

[somniumdraconae.livejournal.com]

^ This, and also according to my doc, when my liver enzymes were elevated it was because I was using a lot of ibuprofen because I was having problems with my endometriosis - so if you've used a lot of OTC painkillers lately, that could be it too.

[archangelbeth]

Weight and hypothyroidism can also go together -- if one hasn't had a test for thyroid, I strongly urge getting it. And don't settle for "normal"! Get the numbers. Your TSH (Thyroid Stimulating Hormone) should be between .4 and 4, and if one has any other symptoms (sensitivity to cold, brainfog, fatigue/drowsiness, hair loss esp. eyebrows, irregular and/or heavy periods), I would say that any result above TSH 3 warrants being tested for thyroid antibodies.

Doctors may disagree with me, but thus far, every time I've been a "pushy patient," I've gotten results that pointed to, "Yes, that's something that should be tweaked."

Edit: By "weight," I mean "gaining weight when you wouldn't think you should" or "having trouble/inability to lose weight when you think it should be coming off." E.g., when my hypothyroidism was undiagnosed, and thus untreated, I was nursing my kid. The pounds should come right off, right? Since I was doing full-time breastfeeding? Hahahaha-no. I gained weight above my pregnancy weight, because any time I tried to restrict calories even a little, I'd become dizzy to the point where I feared falling down or even fainting. But every calorie that wasn't going to producing like a dairy cow (moo) was packing itself into fat cells. O:p

[justforapicture.livejournal.com]

I can view my charts online (the last posted ones were from about a year ago). Do you know what the actual "term" would be on my bloodwork? I looked for TSH and couldn't find it :(

Thank you for your helpful advice. I really appreciate it <3

[justforapicture.livejournal.com]

Just kidding! Found it from August of 09. My level was 1.817. So I guess I'm good with that!

[archangelbeth]

Excellent! I'm glad that your doctor tests for it. (Wish mine had... Probably close to 20 years, I was undiagnosed...) Hope that the liver stuff comes back as just "eh, took some Tylenol" and stops stressing ya out!

[maybeindecisive.livejournal.com]

Honestly, I don't really think your weight is high enough to warrant pre-diabetes so young (though family history probably has to come into play to raise these statistics- I also believe type 1 and 2 diabetes are different? type 2 being directly related to weight and food, type 1 mostly related to genetics).

If you never thought of yourself as fat before, don't start now. Everyone wears their weight differently. It sounds like you have a pretty good handle on what you eat, not binging, trying to stay healthy, and exercise. if you're not actively gaining weight, maybe this is where your body should be. BMI charts are guidelines.

Ask your doctor about your liver enzymes, I'm sure they have a much better idea of the "whole" picture of your health. Maybe it is because your weight, but maybe it's something completely separate. It really irritates me when people jump onto things caused by weight...

[justforapicture.livejournal.com]

They basically said its nothing to worry about, they're just sending me to a GI to make sure. The levels can go up for any odd reason (even taking Tylenol), so I shouldn't worry. I'm going to have one last night of eating what I want (yay for New Years) and then really starting to eat better. Honestly, though, I just want to be healthy inside. I don't mind how I look on the outside. That's why it's so hard to change...

And I know, I was very taken back when she said that. Out of the hundreds of things to cause it, she picked that one. I know my UTI issues definitely raise a question but still, it hurt me quite abit...


Anyways thank you so much for your advice. It really helps!

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[justforapicture.livejournal.com]

Ahhhhhhh thank you! I know my BMI is god awful. A few weeks ago, I was about 190, which put me in the obese category. A wonderful stomach virus has put me under 190 and back in overweight (yay!) but still, BMI sucks for me. They don't really take into consideration that I have awesome boobs and a big butt.

But thank you again. This makes me feel much more normal/less scared. I guess I will eat the pizza I planned on ordering tonight. ONE LAST TIME. Hahaha.

Thank you again <3. I may take you up on the messaging offer :)

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[tacky-tramp.livejournal.com]

I think the fact that you're happy that a stomach virus made you drop a few pounds and bump you from one arbitrary category into another, is evidence enough that you need to step back and take a long, hard look at your attitudes about size and weight. BMI is meaningless for individual health. It is a flawed tool with some usefulness for describing health trends over large groups, not a badge of honor or shame.

Re: longcomment is long

[justforapicture.livejournal.com]

I wasn't happy it made me lose weight, but it was still nice to see the number go down a bit. I have tried losing weight for the last few months and to see a drop (finally, regardless of what it was from) was nice. I am not as happy with my body as I may have made it seem, but I am comfortable. I do not view myself as unhealthy, is what I mean. Again, I'm sorry everything I've said came out the wrong way and I just sort of suck at this.

Re: longcomment is long

[gloraelin.livejournal.com]

I just wanted to comment on the "awesome boobs and a big butt" thing. Those things WILL muck up your BMI reading. BMI is flawed anyway when you're working with someone who has a different skeletal type, and when you add in boobs it just goes haywire.

BMI is not a good indicator of health or non-health, but your labs and general, well, health, is. If you're constantly feeling run down, that's not so healthy. If you're eating pizza once a week and are active and feel great, that's better.

Weight isn't an indicator of health at all. Before I got sick, I was fat and reasonably healthy. There are unhealthy skinny people. Again, outside indicators are no way to measure health.

I encourage you to look at your diet and see if you can include more fruits and veggies, stuff like that, but please don't beat yourself up because a flawed mechanism [the BMI chart] said you're ~tooooooootally~ unhealthy.

Re: longcomment is long

[eunicemcgee.livejournal.com]

Since you mentioned it, I feel like I hear fairly often that body shape does play a big role in whether or not being overweight is as risky as it's sometimes described; curvy or pear-shaped is usually seen as good, whereas apple-shaped or having a large stomach is potentially worrisome.

Re: longcomment is long

[tacky-tramp.livejournal.com]

Yes, I believe that people who tend to accumulate fat in their tummies are at higher risk for certain health problems.

[shdwcat.livejournal.com]

(Diabetes AND high cholesterol run in my family and none of us are overweight, idk. Oh man, I have wonderful genes, lol. Diabetes isn't necessarily linked with weight. And your diet/exercise routine sounds pretty normal and healthy, idk.)

Please don't let your medical diagnosis mess with your self-confidence and body image. You are beautiful and wonderful and still the same amazing person regardless. You are so strong and you will get through any medical diagnosis they give you. ♥

[shdwcat.livejournal.com]

Anddd try not to think about it so much, which is a tall order, I know, but, at this point, all you can do is wait for an actual doctor's opinion. It's not going to help if you are miserable the whole time. Try to enjoy yourself in the meantime.

[justforapicture.livejournal.com]

:) Thank you. So much. <3.

[porcelain-ocean.livejournal.com]

a) how rude (and incredibly inappropriate) for a nurse to even attempt to diagnose you with a singular set of test results. There are so many more things you have to look at to see the whole picture. It's like the blind men feeling the elephant, they all think it's something different because they're so focused on their teeny part. There's any number of things it could be, or you could just be having an off day when they tested. If you're worried talk to your doctor.

b) BMI is a finicky thing as muscle weighs more than fat. Arnold Schwarzenegger was considered obese in his prime, and there was no fat on that man. Same deal with Bruce Lee. I think you're better off looking at your fitness level as opposed to a number on a scale. I've been on the verge of being underweight and had zip for a fitness level and certainly felt less healthy than I do now not knowing my weight but walking 8-10mi a day and swimming multiple times a week.

c) I've had gall stones, well, once, before I had to get my gall bladder taken out. I meet none of the common factors, but I have a lengthy family history of it. It doesn't really affect me other than I have 2 slices of pizza instead of 3 or 4 and I'm more careful in strategizing which desserts I want first. The other desserts I squirrel away for the next day or two lol.

d) have you talked to someone about food and anxiety? It might help you feel more in control of your food, weight, and health. I worry that such a traumatic event for you might cause longer lasting body/food issues because some dumb woman pulled an answer out of her butt.

[dial-zero.livejournal.com]

I agree. My sister had to have blood test as a prerequisite for going into the Peace Corps, and her liver levels were messed up. She went in again, and they were fine. It's really premature to jump to any diagnosis. I'm sure the OP's mom's friend cares about her, but maybe she has her own issues if her first thought was "OMG it's your weight!!!!1"

[the-band.livejournal.com]

I'm not sure about the rest of the stuff - although I agree with everyone else that you shouldn't let your friend's mom get to you - but I wanted to also agree with everyone else that you definitely shouldn't be upset about your weight. I'm about the same - 5'5" and 185 [officially "obese"] - and although I'm trying to lose weight for my own reasons, I'm still pretty healthy and fit - a lot of that weight is actually muscle. That's probably the case for you, too, since you're working out. Although I can't cite my sources at the moment, I've heard plenty of times that "overweight/obese" people who work out and are fit are often better off than "thinner" people with no muscle. So be proud of what you're doing for your body!

And yes, the boobs and the butt!

[tacky-tramp.livejournal.com]

Okay, first of all, an off-the-cuff comment from a friend's mom is not a sound medical opinion, even if she's a nurse. You need to sit down with your doctor and go over things in detail, running additional tests as necessary.

Second, are you seeing a counselor? It sounds like your anxiety is pretty intense, and the support of a therapist could help a lot.

Third, as a fat person, I have to say that your comments about being fat were hurtful to me. I'm sure you didn't intend to hurt anyone else, but when you make blanket statements about how horrible it is to be fat, you're not just talking about yourself -- you're talking about all fat people. Regardless, you're certainly hurting yourself with this kind of thinking, which is reason enough to work on it. Are you familiar with the concept of Health at Every Size, and the Fat Positive movement? It might be worth investigating those ideas, so you can make peace with your size and focus on what really matters: your overall wellbeing.

[gloraelin.livejournal.com]

I need to second this comment.

OP, I know that you're dealing with shock right now, and I totally understand that, especially when you get told something you never expected, but please do keep in mind that there are a lot of Fat People in this community who are told the same things you said every day, and more on top besides.

Saying something like, "I feel that my weight is unhealthy for me and I would like to safely lose weight" is totally fine, but "omg I am ~sooooo~ fat the BMI says I'm OBESE and obesity is just TEH HORROR" is really hurtful to a lot of people. [and yes, I exaggerated.]

I would encourage you to not focus so much on the weight itself, or the numbers, but on your health. Endurance, stamina, strength, all those are great things to focus on and are good ways to track a progression in athleticism and general fitness. The numbers on a scale don't tell you much at all.

[justforapicture.livejournal.com]

I didn't intend to make blanket statements. I'm really sorry. I really didn't mean to do that. I'm basically just stating my mental outbursts. I do have anxiety/panic/depression, so all of this is totally exaggerated in my head and I didn't mean to put that screwed up mentality out on this (I do realize they're bogus/whiny/ridiculous/rude statements, it just seems "right" when I get into those moods. I believe everything.) I apologize and I do not mean to offend anyone.

[cellar-closet.livejournal.com]

This is coming from someone who needs a liver transplant, so I feel you on the anxiety a liver enzyme test can bring on. :)

If it makes you feel any better, the liver is WEIRD, and wonderful at the same time. It really matters when you get an enzyme test done, because everything goes through the liver, and anything can elevate your enzymes a bit. Like I said, I need a liver transplant. The last enzyme test I got was completely normal, all levels fine, can't figure that one out. The one before that? Not so good. For me, it's because I was born with a liver disease and I have a sick live, but for anyone with a generally healthy liver, anything from taking two NSAIDs, to eating a sandwich, to being dehydrated can affect your liver function. It does NOT automatically mean diabetes, or anything at all horrible. Your doctors should test your kidney function as well if they're worried about that, and that should tell them more, I think.

I know it's hard, but please try not to beat yourself up about this. I felt the same way when I realized I need a transplant, I thought that I had somehow done this to myself and was going to be the cause of worry and pain in the people I love, even though logically I've dealt with this since birth and it's NOT my fault. Health issues or potential health issues can really throw you off balance and scare the hell out of you, so I feel ya. Don't jump to conclusions just because someone randomly pulled something out of their ass when they heard "liver enzymes". My liver is in rough shape, and never have I ever been told that I might be diabetic. Hang in there.

[cellar-closet.livejournal.com]

Also, I'd like to add, that no one can give someone a diagnosis, or something even close to a diagnosis based solely on a liver function test given that the liver reacts to pretty much everything, like I said.

And, also, again to emphasize, I remember going to a clinic I went to pretty regularly, and my doctor told me in more or less words that my body was shutting down based on TALKING TO ME. So, I went home and curled up in bed, sobbing, thinking I was dying. Needless to say, I didn't go there again. Looking back, I'm wondering why I took this woman's words to heart considering she didn't even examine me, so try to look at that RN's opinion the same way, it means nothing.

[2clueless.livejournal.com]

BMI and weight charts are worthless for me. At one point my body fat was 25% (acceptable) but the BMI said I was borderline obese and weight charts said I needed to lose 25 pounds. I really wish that BMI wasn't so highly regarded.

[barrelofrain.livejournal.com]

I'm as overweight than you if not more, and I'd like to encourage you to look into some stuff about "Health at Every Size" if you haven't already. It's about making yourself as healthy as you can just by being nice to your body.

One thing that I like to do instead of saying I need to lose weight, since that's influenced by other factors (like genetics, metabolism, medications you take, etc), is to try to change things that I have concrete control over. I might say, "I'm going to try to drink less soda," or "I'm going to eat more veggies" instead of saying "I must lose x number of pounds."