Dildos to solve painful vaginal sex?

[honest-whisper.livejournal.com]

Whenever I have vaginal sex, whatever the position, it feels painful around the entrance of my vagina; not to say I don't enjoy it but that there seems always to be some pain of an almost stinging sort which prevents me from carrying on for as long as we otherwise would. It has been becoming more of an issue recently because I am so afraid of vaginal sex being disappointing or cut short that I have found myself avoiding it entirely.

I have been having sex for 3 years with one partner (I am also his first). I am on the pill but I don't think it is a case of lack of libido or lubrication; we have always had extensive foreplay and have tried a variety of (non-glycerin) lubes. I have had yeasties in the past but both my boyfriend and I have used yoghurt and canesten to treat them so I don't think its a current problem.

I have been considering buying a dildo/internal vibrator as I think this way I could 'practise' and acclimatise my body to being penetrated. (I think a toy might allow for short but frequent attempts that as I am in a long distance relationship sex cannot) I have also wondered whether it is possible that there could be 'remnants' of my hymen that are stretched but not broken? (I know this sounds implausible but I am really searching here)

Does anybody have any recommendations for suitable toys? (I live in the UK but would consider ordering online although I don't want anything too expensive)

Also, any other ideas on possible causes / solutions to painful sex.

Comments

[indis-earfalas.livejournal.com]

I suppose its probably not a bad idea to get a vibrator or dildo, but I'd really strongly suggest starting with something small ... but ... I'm thinking that if you've been having sex for three years you'd probably be used to it by now, you know?

It could be a bit of hymen or something like that, its happened before. Maybe the best idea would be to go to a gyno and have it checked out. Especially because its becoming an issue and making you avoid sex somewhat, because if you're nervous your body is going to know, and possibly make it worse.

[honest-whisper.livejournal.com]

I wasn't really sure where to start on size. I've looked at vaginal dilators but they all seem to be designed for those who cannot have sex at all and therefore I wonder if most in the set might be too small to make any difference. I'm not sure if I need to build up from small or just go slowly with something penis-sized until I am acclimatised to it.

I definitely agree about the nervousness potentially worsening the problem though which is why I have decided I can't just ignore it.

[babydiego.livejournal.com]

www.lovehoney.co.uk have some very cheap sex toys on there. i would highly reccomend them x

[mallory-x.livejournal.com]

I was just going to suggest them! Really discreet packaging and reasonable prices.

[dreamwriteremmy]

I can't reccommend toys because I haven't gotten that far myself, but
the pain thing sounds kinda like what I was diagnosed with from a vulvar specialist at the gynecologist office -- a variant of vulvodynia called vulvar vestibulitis.

[honest-whisper.livejournal.com]

I had heard of the condition before but discounted it as a possibility because I can use tampons and sex can be possible although not ideal. I had imagined that vestibulitis would make sex downright impossible but having googled it quickly I now wonder if I might have a mild form of it. I suppose I ought to brave seeing a gyno about it.

[archangelbeth]

I would suggest getting tested for yeast first -- if it's not fully gone away from prior treatments, it could be lurking in a very subtle form, being painful. Likewise, check for BV if only to cross it off the list. After that, yes, I'd look into some of the less-frequent issues such as vaginismus, vulvodynia, etc. You may not want a gyno for those latter ones; there are some who poo-poo the conditions, or who prescribe lidocaine without a good understanding of how to use it. You are more likely to want a Pelvic Pain Specialist, who can either rule out the conditions, or be very likely indeed to know how to treat them.

Good luck!

[honest-whisper.livejournal.com]

I think I will see if I can go to a sexual well-being clinic about it as that way I might be on the right track whether it turns out to be yeast or something more complicated. I am certainly not very keen to go to a gp about it as I have had some less than positive experience with them over previous 'intimate' issues.

[archangelbeth]

Sexual well-being clinics sound interesting! Good luck with it.

[cadetsandkings.livejournal.com]

If you are ordering from anywhere in the UK I recommend starting at Sh! which is women-owned etc, and sells high quality toys.

I would speak to a GP or seek a referral to a gynaecologist if you have the opportunity to investigate to make sure that it's nothing simply solved via medical routes.

I don't think it is a bad idea to get used to the mechanics of penetration, but this sounds like something that might want biofeedback and physio.

[kuradi8.livejournal.com]

At the risk of coming across deviant instead of frugal and creative...
Why does it have to be a sex toy? Why can't it be a common household item? For example, the handle to a kitchen utensil or a screwdriver. Or something disposable like a vegetable. Too hard? How about a tube of toothpaste?

[honest-whisper.livejournal.com]

Frugality is certainly a good point and a household object would have the added advantage of being far more subtle. I think I might try vegetables as then I can experiment to see what shape/size is best which is a luxury I couldn't afford with sex toys. I am intrigued by the toothpaste idea but all the brands I know of have sharp corners... :(

[honest-whisper.livejournal.com]

I think I am going to go with putting condoms on veggies as I was concerned about them possibly encouraging yeast flare-ups. Also pesticides would be an issue otherwise (I started off looking at organic vegetables but they are all so large! I had to turn to economy ones to find ones that did not seem so daunting).

Thanks for the materials list though, that looks really helpful, and will be a checklist if I do get round to getting a 'proper' sex toy.

[likedyoubest.livejournal.com]

I have a similar issue, I believe she said it was called vaginismus.. The pelvic muscles tense up involuntarily, which is what makes it painful. If you use tampons and can insert them without any pain, then I imagine the reason behind it would be the fear of the pain you associate with sex.

What was suggested to me was first inserting something relatively small (one finger, for example) and allowing you to become comfortable with that. Once you can insert one finger without pain, move up to two, etc, etc. As you get used to the new width, the pain associated with it will decrease, making it easier for penetration.

[likedyoubest.livejournal.com]

Getting something "life sized" is not necessarily a bad idea, but if you keep doing what you've been doing, you'll keep getting what you've got. You shouldn't ignore the pain response your body is giving you, so getting a life sized works but just work your way up to it. Otherwise you may always negatively associate sex with pain and where's the fun in that? :P

[atalanta0jess.livejournal.com]

If sex is painful, especially to the point where you are developing a conscious aversion to it, you may want to stop doing it. You really really really do not want to develop a physical fear response to sex, because that will only make the problem worse. Basically, that means not doing things that are painful.

I recommend that you get checked for yeast though. Stinging pain sounds a lot like yeast, and I know from personal experience that those treatments don't always work. They can definitely just knock the yeast down to the point where you still have painful sex, but don't have other symptoms. I'd check into this possibility before you do anything else, personally. I can't tell from your post whether this has ALWAYS been a problem. If so, it seems less likely that its yeast, but perhaps still possible.

[honest-whisper.livejournal.com]

The problem is I'm not really sure myself if the pain pre-dates yeast. I had a very bad flare up of yeast only 3 months after I had started having sex and whilst there was some pain before then I think that might just have been hymen breaking/inexperience/incompetence rather than anything more long term.

As for the avoiding sex, I quite agree. The reason I felt I had to do something about this now is that my patience is tiring with always having to choose alternatives (and whilst he is very understanding, I imagine my boyfriend is hardly enamoured of the 'drought' we are currently in)

[atalanta0jess.livejournal.com]

I totally understand - I had yeast for 8 months, and it was not, NOT a fun time in my life!

Good luck.