the big "O"

[ex-heatherba804.livejournal.com]

I have a REALLY hard time having orgasms with a guy. I've had one ONCE during vaginal sex. Had quite a few during oral, but only with my ex, and no one since. (No one before, either.) I've had a couple of orgasms with a girl, but most of them have ALL been self-stimulated. This is very disappointing. I want to have really good orgasms with a GUY, dammit.

So does anyone have any tips? This is just starting to suck, since I AM 26... grr.

Comments

[ex-heatherba804.livejournal.com]

what is that??? (too lazy to look atm..)

[lyrae.livejournal.com]

(Warning: Possible TMI)

The general consensus among women, and statistics, seem to show that most of us in fact do *not* come from penetration alone. So by no means is there something wrong with you. However, I have sort of learned to climax through sex, and I can offer only my own personal insights. It helped that the first partner who helped me come during sex was really insistent that I deserve to, and he helped me a lot (Thank you G.!). The first thing is that I need to be really turned on before any penetration happens. I need to get to the point where I'm basically begging to be penetrated already! Secondly, I tend to enjoy all positions, and I like missionary to start out, with perhaps a side of from-behind, but I know I will probably have to get on top in order to come (although from behind with my body flat on the bed and my legs together, slowly, is amazingly intense, and also works nicely). My partner has to be aware of that, though. Finally, once I am on top, I have to get focused only on the sensations happening in my body. This is the main thing my lover taught me. I sort of have to "go away" for a minute while I get caught up in the feelings. I have to stop concerning myself with *his* experience, his sensations, and whether he is getting off, and just think about myself. I know what I have to do to come when I masturbate, so I get on that wavelength and move my body in whatever way I need to in order to increase the sensations. As long as the guy lets me take control of the movements, and perhaps does a little breast action, I just do what I need to, and I'll come.

However, I should add that I usually don't come the first few times with a new partner, I suppose because I'm less comfortable and we've had less time to discuss what we like and what we need. I also need to be with someone who is willing to let me control our movements for at least some of the time, because it won't happen with a guy who just controls the whole thing, which has been at least half of my partners (ugh). But it's also your responsibility to talk to your lover, and make sure they understand. I got really into actually communicating during sex with my last partner, so now I am all about talking through it. It's very hot! (Thank you L.!)

I also want to add that before I started coming from penetration, I would sometimes touch myself while I was being penetrated, and I used to come that way. At the time I thought of it as less authentic, because I had to help it along, but now I just think, whatever gets you there. Y'know?

[ex-heatherba804.livejournal.com]

thank you! all very good advice.
I think part of my issue is that my current 'partner' really wastes NO time in getting to the actual fucking, and there is NO real foreplay, so i'm not even turned on, really.
i wish guys could take some sort of CLASS.
grrr.
i am pretty open about what i like and want, making them do it is another story.. arghh.

[begraven.livejournal.com]

Clit stimulation can be a big help, though the previous poster was right in that you have to "go away and get into the feelins of your body." If you masterbate, think about exactly what makes you feel really good and make that happen during sex. Don't be afraid to expirement

[mactavish.livejournal.com]

In almost twenty years of great sex, I've had an orgasm during intercourse without something -- me, my lover, or a vibe -- stroking my clit at the same time maybe a total of four times. I can't see how orgasms without clit stroking would be better. They work fine.