pleasing a woman

[bigbubba320.livejournal.com]

I am a new member here and hopefully i dont offend any of you ladies by posting here. yes i am a male, but i joined this community so that i could learn more about the women i choose to make my female partners.... that said, i have a coupla questions.

i do take the time to enjoy foreplay and i am a very capable lover... i am also a giver in bed, but i was wondering if i could get tips on giving better cunnilingus. you are so helpful when females ask about blowjobs and i figure where better to go than to the source for this information. opinions, tips, ideas all are welcome. i really enjoy going down on her and i want her to enjoy it fully. and eventually maybe to get her off doing it.

that leads to my 2nd question... my lover is a little difficult to get off. i have yet to make her orgasm through cunnilingus or through penetrative sex. i am able to get her off with my fingers quite easily if i like and quite quickly, but that is the only method i have been able to do it with. so i am also looking for advice in this area. i thought maybe it might be my size for sexual intercourse, but i am 6-7 inches depending on arousal level and pretty thick in diameter. so i dont think it would be that, but it might...

thanks in advance for any advice you may have to offer...

Comments

[mactavish.livejournal.com]

I'm 40, have one of the best sex lives of anyone I know, have been having sex for approximately half my life, and have gotten off during intercourse alone *maybe* 5 times in all. I need to have fingerplay on my clit during intercourse, and many women I know need that, or some sort of clit stimulation, in the same context.

[kimmie.livejournal.com]

i second that!

[crankygirlie.livejournal.com]

I third it or whatever the count is up to.

Me too also, additionally, as well.

*whistles*

(I went to the Redundant School of Redundancy)

[honeyassassin.livejournal.com]

hey..
as for cunnilingus, every woman is different in what she prefers. so i would probably ask her what kind of touch she likes when you are going down on her. i enjoy variation myself. the whole constant flicking of the tongue thing doesn't do much for me at all. i like it better when my partner uses her entire tongue, not just the tip of it. i like a variation of soft licks and more rough ones. don't concentrate on the clitoris, for some it can be too intense. instead explore her entire vulva with your tongue and your lips. and it doesn't surprise me that you haven't gotten her off with oral yet.. it takes me a while, like 20+ minutes to get off like that. and as for your question about not being able to get her off during penetration, most women can't have just vaginal orgasms. they need some clitoral stimulation. try entering her from behind and stimulating her clit at the same time. hope that helped!

[isolt.livejournal.com]

i have yet to make her orgasm through cunnilingus or through penetrative sex. i am able to get her off with my fingers quite easily if i like and quite quickly, but that is the only method i have been able to do it with.

Not every one is capable of getting off via the same kinds of stimulation. I often find oral sex to be not enough stimulation for me - I like pressure a lot, and a tongue really can't provide that in the degree that I need without it being unfairly exhausting to the kind person on the other end of the tongue. Likewise, my boyfriend doesn't come from blowjobs. Rare, but that's him.

Your girlfriend may never come from cunnilingus. This is not an indequacy on her part or yours, and she is clearly not frigid, since there are ways you can make her come.

As for penetrative sex, many, many women (I dare say the majority) don't have orgasms from the sensation of penetration alone. Generally, some kind of clitoral stimulation is needed, even if it's indirect. This has nothing to do with your size or your technique - it's just the way women are built. There aren't very many nerve endings in the vagina to respond to the stimulation it receives during intercourse. Once more, this is neither an inadequacy or your part or hers - just par for the course. If you or she wants her(self) to orgasm during intercourse, either you or she should reach down and play with her clit, or bring a vibrator into play. It's also possible that some positions will be much better for indirect clitoral stimulation than for others, so you can play around with that as well, though it's less surefire than direct clitoral stimulation.

There shouldn't be, in my opinion, a "correct" or "better" way to come, because we're all such different people with different responses. If manual sex is what does it for her, give her that. Play around, if you like, but don't put any pressure on either her or yourself to come in any particular way. Nothing kills an orgasm faster, I find, than feeling as if you *have* to have one.

thanks

[bigbubba320.livejournal.com]

thank you all for your responses, they are greatly appreciated. i will try the advice given... we have been trying new positions lately and i find that if nothing else thro all this we are having a great time. and we have been tossing about the idea of a vibrator anyways, so its one more point i can use :) heeh just got to get her to decide what kind she wants and not be embarassed about it :P lol. again, thank you all.

[minniemoonshine.livejournal.com]

Cool!
Welcome to Vagina Pagina!

1) I agree with the other posters. All women are different, ask her what feels good and what works for her. Another thing you can do is pay very close attention to how she responds to what you do. Love making is a lot about body language in my opinion. Sometimes she may not even know that she wants more or less of something at a particular moment, but if you can cue in with her body language and get really connected with her, you can sort of follow her lead.

2) As for general advice, variation I think is a pretty good rule of thumb to follow... revisit the stuff that gets the best response, but if you over-do it on one particular technique or movement or degree of pressure it can get dull pretty quick. I don't know about other gals, but for me there is definately a point where overstimulation starts to feel downright uncomfortable. (I think this might be where the sexual response of some men and women may differ). Sometimes it's just too intense and that's where variation is the key. (But again, please follow the disclaimer that all women are different, and the exact opposite of this may be true for your gal).

3) I wouldn't get hung up on the fact that she seems to get off from manual stimulation and not oral or penetrative sex. Even if you are Don Juan in bed, she may NEVER get off any other way, and that is totally cool. Maybe it's just the way her body works. There's nothing wrong with trying new techniques (i.e. manual stimulation or a vibrator during pentrative sex may work), but don't put too much pressure on her having an orgasm during pentrative sex or oral sex. It may never happen, and the expectation that it should may make it less likely to happen anyways.


Have fUN!

[thatdirtyblonde.livejournal.com]

welcome to VP! that's awesome that you're thinking of your girl so much.

i can't add much to what everyone else has said so far, because it's all been great advice, particulary that different people like different things and there is no one secret formula to pleasing someone in bed.

but i wanted to mention one thing: she might not know what she likes anymore than you don't know what she likes. it takes a long time sometimes to learn how your body responds to things, and she might be just as clueless as you are. (i don't mean that in a bad way.)

i see a lot of girls on this site and others who think that there is something wrong with them simply because they don't like one kind of sex as much as other women do. that's what it's important that when you bring it up you stress that you're just interested in making her feel good, rather than trying to figure out why she doesn't like what you are already doing. (it almost sounds like the same thing, but it's not.)

there are lots of women (myself included) that find it hard to come when they feel pressured to. if my bf seems like he's just waiting for me, i get all distracted thinking about that and then it just doesn't happen.

my two cents.


amiee


ps - happy hunting. heh. :)

[thevargasgirl.livejournal.com]

everyone here has already given amazing advice.
i just wanted to say welcome!
-=t