TMS?

[darkserena.livejournal.com]

Wow. So from another thread I stumbled upon this site: http://www.healthystrokes.com/ (Some pages have NSFW images.) Through browsing it (I'm bored - my friends and BF are RPGing tonight and I'm not in that particular game), I was reading about "Traumatic Masturbatory Syndrome," or TMS.

I had never heard of this before, and I consider myself to be a pretty curious person about sexual stuff. The sites says TMS is when someone masturbates facedown (called "prone"), and that it can cause issues (mostly in men apparently) because the feeling of masturbating in that manner is hard to reproduce during intercourse with another person. In men it can cause erectile dysfunction down the road, or inability to orgasm/ejaculate.

WELL, I masturbate almost exclusively while lying on my stomach. A few times lately I've tried masturbating lying face-up, but I have a very hard time reaching orgasm that way, and when I do it takes quite a bit longer and a lot more pressure to get there. And taking longer when I live in a dorm with several other people is not all that desirable! So it discourages trying it more to maybe get used to it and shorten the time it'll take. But when I do get there it seems like the orgasms are longer and stronger.

I've recently began having sex with my boyfriend and while I know most women don't orgasm from penetration alone, I still feel like I'm not getting what I should out of it anyway. I HAVE to use my hand for clitoral stimulation to orgasm, even when having sex. No hand, no nothing. (Which is a problem when, like last night, my hand being where it was was in his way and painful for him, so I couldn't do that. Then I just feel like I'm lying there, getting not-much out of it all.) Occationally I'll get close-ish during PIV alone, but nothing like anything I feel while stimulating myself manually.

Which I know is not uncommon, don't get me wrong!

From reading the site I guess there hasn't been much research on how masturbating "prone" affects women so much as men, but it got me thinking. There's a handful of testimonies from women who masturbate this way on the site, and they say that once they learned (slowly, as we all know it's hard to break habits!) to masturbate on their backs they found they had more pleasure from intercourse.


Since I had never heard of this before, I thought I would ask you lovely and informative guys and gals about it! Wikipedia turns up nothing; it only links to this one site through the "sexual dysfunction" page.

Do you think if I break the habit of having to masturbate while on my tummy I may find more pleasure from having PIV sex? Has anyone been in this situation, or know more about TMS? Am I barking up the wrong tree? Should I just try masturbating in other ways, like with a toy or vibrator? I've never tried either of those, if it makes any difference.

Added: The page seems to have some opinion on the part of the writer, but I'm still curious as to your thoughts!

Comments

[necromance.livejournal.com]

Well, I masturbate face up, can't really orgasm in another position. I'm sure I could if I worked at it long enough, but it just really doesn't do anything for me. But anyway, I don't orgasm through intercourse.

I'm pretty sure this is some Freudian BS about masturbation.

[chiyo-no-saru.livejournal.com]

This.

[skeas.livejournal.com]

This! Like everyone else has said, you can do yourself some good by experimenting with different ways to masturbate, but it's not like you're broken and tainted if you still like it more/find it easier on your stomach. I have always masturbated with my legs in a weird position--and though I have eventually coaxed my body to orgasm without the contortionist legs, I think I will probably always have an easier time with them all tangled up.

In terms of positions, I've found that my boyfriend and I both mutually enjoy a lot of the same positions, but a few of our individual favorites are a little more selfish. For instance, the position that my boyfriend takes when I want to orgasm allows us nearly no leverage (and subsequently nearly no friction) but it's awesome on my g-spot. The position that he likes me in when he wants to orgasm prevents me from touching my clit and pretty much immobilizes me. It's okay, and we switch off! I find that there are a lot of other things to do during sex, like feeling his ass muscles as he thrusts (mmm) or making out, or going in for a surprise nipple pinch.

Also, most women find that they need to stimulate their clits during sex in order to orgasm or feel good. This has nothing to do with your preferred method of getting off! It actually took me a few months of having regular sex for me to appreciate the feeling. Before that, I was actually pretty disappointed. Like, my boyfriend and I had been doing more pleasurable things for months, but we'd totally thought we were holding out. And then that was it? I think my boyfriend felt similarly.

[darkserena.livejournal.com]

The positions thing is interesting - my BF likes me on top, but so far that does less for me than say missionary or... Well we're new to the game (together at least) so we're working on other positions. I like a lot of movement so being on top's like eh, but he likes it so we'll do it. Now we just need to find something I like.

I feel that way about sex right now - "That's it? Huh." I hope I can learn to appreciate it more, because I feel bad that I'm disappointed. He seems to enjoy anything we do, even if he doesn't orgasm, so I feel left out, you know?

[betterbebalboa.livejournal.com]

I think that no matter what your accustomed masturbation technique, it's important to vary things from time to time. Men can also have problems from squeezing their penis too tightly while masturbating, in a "death grip" that a vagina can't really replicate. The key is to train your body to respond to a variety of different sensations. That way, when it comes to orgasming with a partner, you'll have better luck in showing them what works for you (whether it's toys, fingers, oral, or PIV).

So yes, I would recommend using a vibe, exploring with your fingers, maybe sitting under a running faucet or detachable showerhead, etc. Variety is a good thing in any sex life, and that includes self-love.

[chiyo-no-saru.livejournal.com]

Yeah, that sounds a little... dramatic, to me. (The syndrome.)

If I were you, I'd get a toy or a vibrator and try that and just try difference things in bed. All it means is that you're used to a certain way--you're not broken or anything.

[paperispatient.livejournal.com]

This. It can certainly never hurt to mix things up, I always thought I didn't really enjoy masturbating on my back and now I've figured out a way to give myself a pretty good orgasm that way. Varying things can always be fun and helpful, but I definitely wouldn't consider anyone "broken" or anything like that because one way works best for them.

[darkserena.livejournal.com]

I agree that it sounds a little dramatic, though I can see why a guy laying right on his penis may not be good for him!

Broken is a word I have used to describe myself sexually many a time - I was certain I was asexual for a while but WANTED to feel nice having sex, even if I didn't really have urges to HAVE sex. Then I started to WANT sex but again, I felt (and still feel at times) like I wasn't enjoying it like I should. :\

[mydocuments.livejournal.com]

Honestly, that sounds like a lot of bunk to me. I masturbate exclusively on my stomach by rubbing against a pillow. While I don't orgasm as much when I'm on my back with my boyfriend on top of me (Don't get the same clitoral stimulation), I'd say that it's actually a more sexually intense experience, with the amount of force he can put into his thrusts. When I am on top, I have more orgasms, but I don't think it's as intense for me.

[hadespuppy.livejournal.com]

I masturbate on my stomach, and have a hard time reaching orgasm in other positions, although I can do it with enough encouragement. And I have no problem doing it during sex, as long as I have sufficient clitoral stimulation. I call bunk on this supposed syndrome.

[sk-sybaritic.livejournal.com]

I'm inclined to agree with everyone who has said it sounds like bunk. It does come off like a whole lot of Freudian nonsense about "mature" (vaginal) orgasms and such.

About orgasms during PIV, as you said, it's a common issue. A huge percentage of women can't get there. It does take extra clitoral stimulation (hands, toys, what have you) for most women. Sure, variety is good, both in partnered and solo sex, but I don't think you're "damaging" yourself or anything.

Have you tried stuff like getting on top during sex so you're more able to mimic angles and such that you're comfortable with, maybe trying a different position for PIV so that you can access your clit better? Failing that, I think toys would be a great idea, both to have more variety for yourself and to help out with your pleasure during partnered sex.

[sand-woman.livejournal.com]

I masturbate face down and always have and I really enjoy sex. It took me a while to get the hang of how to make sex feel good, but that is the same for anyone. I tend to find I particularly like variations on doggy-style where I can masturbate at the same time. It's good to practise other ways and become more flexible because it's good to be able to show people how you masturbate - that said, I'm in the same situation as you where it's just easier face-down. I like to ensure I get a clitoral orgasm (fortunately I now get vaginal ones too, which are fine in any position) by either having my partner touch me before sex - on my front, usually! - or by me masturbating before, during, or after penetration. You could also try using bullet vibes or similar during PIV for clit stimulation - even if you don't orgasm from it, if you know you are having one after penetration finishes, you can relax and enjoy the build-up.

[darkserena.livejournal.com]

If we could learn some positions in which my BF or even myself could touch my clit better, I would totally be in heaven! Like, usually he goes for either the clit OR fingering when we fool around, but the one or two times he's done both I was like YAY! So we need more of that. We have yet to make spooning work, and unfortunately my bad hips kinda keep us from doing anything doggy-style-ish. So our position-library is small so far. But I'll talk to him.

Since we're new at having sex together I think I'm just more worried than I should be that we're not learning what we both REALLY like very quickly.

One thing is that he doesn't orgasm easily, so penetration seems to conclude when he's completely exhausted. (He says he can't orgasm with a condom on, but at that point it's a "Too bad then because we're not going without one until I'm on HBC and you're more responsible!" But he also says he just doesn't orgasm that often, or easily.) So unless I have an orgasm like in the middle of penetration, I'm kinda SOL because when we finish he's too tired to help me get off. Another thing we need to talk about.

[sand-woman.livejournal.com]

One thing that I really like that even tired partners can do, is being held while I masturbate - I have got to the stage where I can turn my head while on my front to look into their eyes. Don't expect to learn what you really like very quickly - it is totally normal to take a long while of experimentation - and experimentation is fun! - before you find out. I've been having sex for around 9 years now. I'm still learning. It helps to think outside the box - particularly when it comes to penetration. Penetration does not have to be the focus of sex, and especially not just PIV. For example, enjoy the PIV but he doesn't have to finish inside you just because you're having sex - handjobs and blowjobs can be an equally fun way to end a session and may not have to involve a condom. I'm not sure what to advise on positions with your hips; there are probably people better qualified than me. If it's that they need support, I tend to experience pretty good sex when I'm bent over the side of the bed, or propped up on pillows, which is a supportive position that just happens to mean my partner does most of the work - and a good one to slip a vibe underneath if wanted. Don't feel pressured - it's your sex, to enjoy however you want it, and there really are only the rules that you make yourself.

[ruthlessbabe.livejournal.com]

i did it face down when i was a kid, i guess i rolled over sometime in adolescence.
you can teach your boy to make more contact with your clit during sex.