From My Journal...

[cutekelliekitte.livejournal.com]

There is a chauvinistic community that has risen lately. I'm not quite positive if the owner has good intentions or not. Sometimes I would say yes, and sometimes, no I think he's a pig. He even honored someone who's journal I used to read and stopped because it became apparent it was difficult for him to respect women above the realm of objectification....which is one of my MAJOR pet peeves.

Anyway, the discussion came about that the feminists of another community needed to get L.A.Y.ed (learn about Y-chromosomes). Apparently they thought the community (which I recently joined) was all about man-bashing, which it is not nor are the other 4 feminist communities I belong to. They are about awareness and equality. Every now and then you get someone who is misinformed, but someone usually shows them the light, nd all is well.

Guy and girls, please learn - A FEMINIST IS NOT A BAD THING - NOT A MONSTER OR MAN HATER.

After my rape, I went through a phase where I let men use me easily - a way to punish myself. Then, I grew to hate men because of it. Yet, I was a child....uneducated, immature. And that is what feminism looks to squash - not egos, well unless they are inflated to an unhealthy level - we look to squash misinformation about women and immaturity at the way we are looked at and sometimes treated. It doesn't feel good to be treated like a piece of meat, I know.

So, if you are a man, please hear me. Hear what I am trying to say. I am just one person, but if I reach you - thats one person more. Love you feminist friends - please don't call us "feminazis" I hate that. That is such an insult to me. If you know me, you know I love guys, especially my boyfriend. Most of my friends are guys - they are just the guys that could see past my physical and love me for who I really am. Forget what God gave...I'm greatful yes, but I didn't have anything to do with it.

What I do control is who I am, how I hold myself, and how I treat others. I ask you please to realize this is true of all humans - male and female. There is no need for hate. All we ask is respect - we respect you...please respect us.

We can't control the fact that you can tell our breast size by looking at us. I bet most of you wouldn't walk around as proud as you do if we could tell your penis size and made a habit of gawking at the big ones and making fun of the lesser ones. Is that really fair? No.

So, yes, I have embarked on a journey to understand the male sex to the best of my capabilities. I feel this will nurish me and my relationships with everyone. All I ask, is that if you read this, you strive to be the respectable, beautiful, wonderful human that your girlfriend, sister, mom, and/or grandmother love.

And I will love you too.

Comments

[cutekelliekitte.livejournal.com]

Sorry about the double post! I don't know how that happened! I'm not sure how to delete one - so maybe someone could tell me, or the maintaier could.

So sorry...

[firinel.livejournal.com]

if you click on comments, at the top of the page will me a small blue box with icons in it. The icons are stuff like a heart, a little pencil, a head..
click on the pencil one, that's so you can edit the entry.
just delete all of the post, the title, time all that.
and click the submit or whatever at the bottom. when you do that, it'll delete that entry.

hth

[cutekelliekitte.livejournal.com]

Thanks! Will do!

[pamcash.livejournal.com]

you are my hero

[cutekelliekitte.livejournal.com]

hehe...wow, thank you.

I'll add you to my friends list if you want.

Kitten

[interiority.livejournal.com]

i enjoyed reading this.
thnk you for sharing it.

[isolt.livejournal.com]

I love you.

[cutekelliekitte.livejournal.com]

hehe...thank you. I can add you to my Friends if you want. I have a few other writings in my journal you may like.

[isolt.livejournal.com]

you're most welcome :) that would be lovely.

*adds you*

Guys and gender perceptions

[simplenigma.livejournal.com]

The sad thing about many guys is they see feminism as an attack on their identity, that is why they react the way they do. Since most guys don't really understand what their identity is, much less what they are supposed to be, they often just follow the common denominator, and learn how they are supposed to act from their firends and television, the former having no better idea on how to act than them. I recently read "Stiffed" by Susan Faludi, and I found her comments insightful(though I did have problems with a few of them). But Faludi was fairly accurate with her idea that the male image was based upon one of control, an image that was seriously undermined when women began to advocate their own right to control. Whether or not this image is correct is really pointless to judge, since it already exists; rather we should see what we can do to arrest the problem.

I didn't like one of your statements, where you said "I bet most of you wouldn't walk around as proud as you do if we could tell your penis size and made a habit of gawking at the big ones and making fun of the lesser ones." This seems to imply a bitterness on your part, and a desire to reduce men to publicly insecure social animals. Men are also troubled beings who want the same things as you: Respect. You seemed to lump all women togethr, implying that all women(or feminists, i wasn't sure who you were speaking for) respect men, and that men only need to respect women in order for society to function better. In my own experience I have met a number of women who seemed eager to reduce me to either some sort of stereotype (jock, brain; strong, shallow) and who could not see past my appearance. I am not trivialising the female battle for equality, but rather suggesting that both sexes have a great deal to learn.

I have tremendous respect for you personally, and how you have overcome the horrible incident in your past, and how you are trying to understand us guys better. Unfortunately we don't understand ourselves.

Cheers,

Marc

P.S. What is the name of the chauvinist community?

Re: Guys and gender perceptions

[cutekelliekitte.livejournal.com]

I love this. Thank you. I want to post this in my journal...would you mind?

As far as the comment you didn't like....it was a bit strong I know. However, I did not imply that I want to reduce men to socially insecure animals....I was simply stating that some women feel that way because of their chest size and the eyes and comments they may get just from walking down the street. There's not much you can do to cover up how big or small your breasts are - and some men make some women's lives a living hell because of it....especially young adults in school.

Thanks again.

Re: Guys and gender perceptions

[cutekelliekitte.livejournal.com]

p.s. - its chauvinistos or something like that...i can't remember offhand....

Re: Guys and gender perceptions

[simplenigma.livejournal.com]

No, that would be cool if you did :) Oh yeah, I checked out that chauvinistos site, and it is absolute garbage. Even the guys on it aren't sure if it supposed to be serious or not... the usual story.

Re: Guys and gender perceptions

[weswilson]

Actually, I find a lot of my male image is based on independance, not control. And with that in mind, I heartily dissagree with your assertation that men feel threatened by feminism because it seeks to remove their control over women. What probably threatens them the most is the feeling that their control over THEMSELVES is removed.

For instance, when I think of radical feminist movements, I think a lot about censorship. Censorship of pornography, degrading female imagery, etc... As a person who believes I should be allowed to pursue the things I wish to pursue, I am against the idea that consensual pornography would be taken from me. I would no longer have the right to pursue something I enjoy. And why? Because someone ELSE has taken control and dictated what I may or may not do.

I know this is an extreme example, and probably pretty flimsy as any kind of real analogy. But just as women wish to have control over their lives, men wish to have control over theirs. But it isn't about having control over other people... rather it's having the ability to pursue one's desires. I'm willing to bet that there isn't a man in chauvanistas who would hamper a woman from pursuing her dreams. They might pick on her terribly, but they'd do the same to any man. We pick on each other... it's what we do.

I'm rambling and writing poorly... I just caught myself stumbling over the assement that men were seeking control. It doesn't quite seem to fit, and I thought I should speak up.

Re: Guys and gender perceptions

[simplenigma.livejournal.com]

Sorry, I didn't mean to give the impression that guys are seeking control over women, but rather in the past men were in positions of control within their individual family groups and within the community(a prime example can be found in the largely male-dominated political stage). Gradually this control was incorporated into the male image- men were expected to be the bread winners, expected to be decision makers, and expected to fight and die for their country to perpetuate their way of life; this was almost exclusively a male pursuit in the early twentieth century in North America. Also, I meant my comments to be more directed at the male steroetype, what many guys feel they need to strive for, rather than a critique of individual behaviour, and I am sorry if you interpreted it that way.

"we pick on each other... that's what we do," is just another part of that stereotype. There are higher instances of suicide, drug abuse, alcohol abuse and mental institutionalization in males than in females, and while I cannot offer any concrete evidence as to why this happens, I suspect it may come from the way we perceive ourselves, and the way we want other people to perceive us. As a guy, I recognize self destructive behaviour in myself and my peers that is driven by some internal desire to succeed; one of the few ways I can assert myself and prove I am a success is through the way I am treated by others (either with respect or not), and the way I treat others. Independence is about control of myself as well as others. Men were not feeling threatened because control over women was being removed, but rather the control over positions and employment they had previously associated with their own image.