Herpes disclosure

[skeas.livejournal.com]

The recent post about herpes brought up some questions for me.

My question is: Is it always necessary for an infected person to tell a potential partner?

From a theoretical standpoint, YES! Yes, yes, yes! But consider a few scenarios:

You haven't had an outbreak since your first one--15 years ago. As most of us know, herpes is transmittable even when the infected person doesn't have a sore. However, plenty of us infected people just avoid sex/kissing when we have a sore, and the other partner is fine. Do you still let your partner know about an outbreak you had at 20, when you are now 35? Do you risk ruining the whole relationship (because people generally freak out when the word "herpes" in involved) over a nearly negligible risk?

You have oral herpes. Studies show that 80% of us have herpes antibodies, and might be carriers of the disease without even knowing it. Yet I've never, ever heard of someone fessing up before a liplock. Do you let everyone you are about to kiss know that you have oral herpes? I personally feel like everyone is aware of--or should be aware of--a certain risk that's involved with intimate behavior like kissing or sex. You could catch mono, a cold, the flu, herpes, et cetera. You do what you can to prevent it, but it's still there.

For that matter, is there a difference between disclosing about oral herpes (which you can write off under the more innocuous name of cold sores) and genital herpes? Do you have more of a responsibility to tell a partner about genital herpes? And why?

Comments

[evr1bugsme.livejournal.com]

I don't really think that's fair because some people CAN have repeatedly bad herpes outbreaks. Does Valtrex or similar (if you have medical insurance) prevent this in all or most cases?

I know that herpes can be an irritating nuisance, but why would I assume it would be that when it can also be very painful and uncomfortable? I think it's important to have complete information and a realistic idea about the risks of herpes, but I certainly wouldn't judge not wanting (what could potentially feel like) chicken pox in your crotch as a "failure to learn."

[frolicnaked.livejournal.com]

To me, "painful and uncomfortable" really does fall under the category of "irritating nuisance." It rarely causes extra complications in people who are otherwise healthy. As for Valtrex, the Vulvapedia says this (http://www.vaginapagina.com/index.php?title=Herpes_%28HSV-1/HSV-2%29#Suppressive_treatment) about suppressive treatment:

This means taking medicine every day to help prevent symptoms. Suppressive therapy greatly reduces the number/severity of outbreaks for most people. It can prevent outbreaks altogether for some. It can also greatly reduce asymptomatic shedding (the recurrence of virus on the skin without sores). Studies are underway now to find out whether or not suppressive therapy can help prevent transmission as well.

And I didn't say anything against making an informed choice about herpes. Rather, I said refusal to budge from an initial EW GROSS knee-jerk reaction, without being willing to become educated about the issue, is a trait that's not compatible with what I'm looking for in a partner. It doesn't mean I expect everyone to share the same preferences.