Stretching Vagina

[mykissmightkill.livejournal.com]

Okay, so this might sound really stupid, but I'm 19 and have never used a tampon, or masturbated or had sex. 
Mainly b/c I grew up not really having an understanding of my body so basically, it really scares me to touch myself anywhere in that area. I don't mind other people doing it, but I myself freak out. Since I learned to shave everything down there, I'm more comfortable touching myself but still wont go anywhere inside. Now, my 23 year old boyfriend who is quite experienced has been trying to have sex with me. Which I am all for. REALLY REALLY all for :P but we're having some issues. 
It hurts a lot. 
basically, he can will put his index finger in about an inch and if he tries to wiggle it around, it burns and hurts even there. that hole needs to stretch b/c he is quite big and a penis is not going to easily fit in there. I don't know what its like for other people. but yeah. He says usually people will spend 20-30 days stretching this area a few mins each day.. 
Which is where my problem comes in. I want to do this but its freaking me out doing it myself. and I can't go out and buy a sex toy either because, basically I just don't want one. but I dont know what to do. Does anyone have any advice or suggestions etc. 

I feel kinda stupid asking about this but yeah.. I figured. what better a place to go than here.
Thanks for any help in advance!

this will also be posted on the community: Sextips.

Comments

[laurensellscorn.livejournal.com]

Time to see a gynecologist, babe. All women's vaginas are crafted to birth human babies, which are all roughly the same size; there's no reason objects so small as a finger should hurt you naturally.

Since you seem pretty uncomfortable with your body, my first guess is possibly vaginismus.. I can't do fancy links because I suck (:P), but basically it's when the vaginal muscles involuntarily clench up in anticipation of penetration, and a huge root of it can be past sexual trauma, shame, or fear.

A gynecologist can help you treat whatever it is. Hey, if it makes you feel any better, I'm 19 too and have to have surgery on mine on Thursday! Goes to show ya help is available. :)

One thing I'd really, truly, honestly advise is that you stop allowing penetration for now until you get to the root of the problem and treat it. If this is vaginismus, continuing to cause pain or anxiety will only strengthen the protective action of the muscles, making it harder to treat.

Best of luck!

[gothstar.livejournal.com]

Or it could be that her hymen is not yet broken, which would lead to the pain about an inch in.


I'm not sure that you need to run to the gyno yet if only penetration is causing problems. I would try and experiment a little more and if it becomes too much of a problem, then seek out medical help.


To the OP, jsut take it slow. :)

[mykissmightkill.livejournal.com]

thanks for this information, i looked it up and ill be at the gynecologis soon for those shots that help prevent cervical cancer and some other stuff lol so ill ask :)

[marnanel.livejournal.com]

I can't do fancy links because I suck

<a href="where you want it to go">the link text</a> -- or you can just post the URL and LJ will linkify it.

i may not know much about ob/gyn stuff but i know html.

[thuringiensis.livejournal.com]

"he is quite big and a penis is not going to easily fit in there" that reminds me of the first time I saw my boyfriend's and I said "you want to stick that *where*?" When you're not used to something that size(or anything at all), it can seem like a big step up, but it helps to remember that that's literally what your vagina is made for(as well as squeezing out babies).

Does it feel like the skin is stretching right at the opening? It's possible that your hymen is still partially intact, especially since not many things have been in there. Do you think you would be comfortable enough to get a small hand mirror and check things out visually? I'm sure it wouldn't be too hard to find pictures of partially/fully intact hymens online somewhere to compare to.. Just a suggestion :)

Another thing to keep in mind is your state of relaxation/arousal at the time, as well as the amount of lubrication(natural and/or artificial). Could be as simple as you being a little tense or nervous. Maybe try adding some extra lube to the mix, and maybe a nice massage beforehand?

Vaginismus is still a possibility too, as laurensellscorn said, in which case here http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Vaginismus is some more info on that. I'd recommend checking out other possibilities before jumping to the vaginismus conclusion though, it could be something much simpler :)

Good luck to you and your boy, it sounds like he's being pretty understanding about everything :)

[mykissmightkill.livejournal.com]

Thanks for the information :) lol thats basically what i said to my boyfriend. "you want to put that thing in a hole that i dont even like trying to put a tampon in?" XD

the boyfriend has felt around and pushed and prodded me enough for us to be usre that the hymen is definitely still intact. im not sure how to describe it but basically the reason i posted this is b/c the other day we did foreplay, got all hot and botherd and exicted and basically it was just like WE WANT SEX. so we tried, but he couldnt get himself to go in. it was painful. i was getting nervous, so he started playing around with his fingers, and asking me what hurt and where. what he started doing was trying to put a finger in and i guess move it around. and the pain was centered around the rim of the hole, thats where the pain and burning and the feeling like it was being stretched but shouldnt be, was. the part of the finger inside didnt hurt where it was. just the outer rim area is the best way i can desctibe it.

i also tend to not handle pain well at all so the prospet of it hurting makes me REALLY nervous, ive gotten to the point that the pain does really hurt but ill work myslef up so much that ill even start to cry b/c of it and being so nervous about it. i try though at less worked up, nervous time, to relax myself and my muscles but i still dont get anywhere.

thanks for the help and advice, :)

[http://users.livejournal.com/ksiezniczka_/]

Wow. When I saw this title I immediately thought of gauged/stretched ears and thought, "OH GOD, NOT THERE!!!"

I've never heard of stretching your vagina, but I suppose anything is possible. But really, your vagina should be able to handle a penis if it could handle up to a 9lb baby. But as the above person said, your hymen could still be intact, which would have a lot to do with the pain. You should definitely try using lube and maybe start out with foreplay to relax you a little.

[https://users.livejournal.com/---littlelotte/]

He says usually people will spend 20-30 days stretching this area a few mins each day.. i've never heard of stretching the vagina this way... or doing it at all except naturally. i can't see how that would do much for your vag since it stretches back anyway, EXCEPT that it would get you used to having something in there. the only thing that i can think of that he may be talking about is when people have to dilate their hymens due to unusual thickness or whatnot. but as far as i know this isn't needed that often.

[cbackson.livejournal.com]

I feel like I've seen a few posts from people whose male partners have said this same sort of thing, and I'm always like, "Wha?" Because yeah, I've only heard of that due to vaginismus. Unless there's a secret vagina-stretching club that I've been left out of...

[mykissmightkill.livejournal.com]

what do you mean dilate the hymen?
also, i prob shoulda explained that better, by stretching i think he meant trying to put one of my own fingers in and moving it around and then working till im comfortable with adding another finger or so to try to get used to having bigger things in that area.

there have been times when we were both so worked up (but arent going to try having sex) and stuff that he got his finger(s?) inside of me and was trying to work and stretch the hymen but no luck breaking or anything like that b/c it would start to hurt to much and then id get less exicted and eventually we'd just stop. he's mentioned that he thinks my hymen feels kinda thick

[pinkdramon.livejournal.com]

Actually it's more like 10 minutes every day for 6 months or so.

In my case.

So say the instructions from my vulvovaginal specialist.

Yeah people really need to do it that way sometimes :(

It is for both the psychology & the physical aspects.

[procraftinator.livejournal.com]

I have Vaginismus, and I gotta say that the stretching will not help at all if it's painful. It may just be your hymen, if you're a virgin, but if it's as far in as an inch it sounds like it could be Vaginismus. Read up on it at www.vaginismus.com. My suggestion is to never to anything that hurts. Yes, sex usually hurts the first time, but if you teach your body that sex ALWAYS hurts your vagina will not like it, and it will only make things worse. You can have plenty of sex without penetration, and maybe when you're all wet and aroused from that you could try inserting a finger or something small, and then work yourself up slowly. Your body will let you know when it's ready for something bigger, I promise. Also, lube lube lube! Can't stress that enough.

[mykissmightkill.livejournal.com]

Thanks for the info :) i am a virgin but there have been times of not trying to have sex that my boyfriend has gotten a finger or so in and has pushed the hymen and has tried to stretch and break it but after awhile it hurts to much and we stop. I think it might be thick. which makes me sad to. but as for the vaginismus, but what you said about it always hurting i think might be my problem. the pain part really scares me so no matter what i do with my bf and as much as i want to have sex, the pain factor creeps into my head and then i end up not being able to have sex b/c then it DOES hurt to much.
like i said there have been times when he has gone farther in but we werent thinking of having sex at the time, just fingering and playing around.

when i say i have pain, its like he gets his finger in an by an inch or so, and the part of his finger that IS inside isnt hurting, its like the outer rim of the hole itself feels pain and hurts so thats the part he's saying needs to stretch a bit. :/

[night-of-love.livejournal.com]

My first thought was actually that some lube might help. I don't produce very much lube naturally, regardless of how aroused I am, and the addition of extra lube (liquid silk being my faviorite) really helps.

THe problem for me is not that there is too much friction when I don't use lube, which is what makes it painful.

Good luck on figuring this out and props on working at it.

[mykissmightkill.livejournal.com]

we usually do alot of foreplay to make sure we have enough lube, and to me it feels like theres a ton, and i feel like its ready lol so i usually go ahead and say okay when he says that i feel wet enough.

[archangelbeth]

Yes, what procraftinator said -- it doesn't sound like it's just the hymen, if it's about an inch in. And yes, again, what procraftinator said -- if you have vaginismus (or vulvodynia), then trying to stretch it by yourself despite pain is likely to make it worse, not better. I'd get a gynecologist who knows something about those two conditions (or at least the first one) -- i.e., call up and say, "I'm concerned I may have vaginismus and would like to know if Dr. X is familiar with the condition," and don't go anywhere that the Dr. poo-poos the possibility.

There's a chance it's just your hymen, and presumably any gyno could figure if you have a hymen present and if it's particularly thick or whatnot -- but I wouldn't suggest just assuming that when it could be something more serious.

[mykissmightkill.livejournal.com]

the boyfriend says he can feel the hymen and when he can get fingers in enough to feel around when i dont feel to much or any pain, i can feel his fingers hitting something inside so im pretty sure its still there.
when i say i have pain, its like he gets his finger in an by an inch or so, and the part of his finger that IS inside isnt hurting, its like the outer rim of the hole itself feels pain and hurts so thats the part he's saying needs to stretch a bit. :/

i will be at a gyno soon for shots so i can ask.

[chaeri.livejournal.com]

He says usually people will spend 20-30 days stretching this area a few mins each day..

i wonder where he got that??

i agree with poster above - time to see a gynecologist.

also, it sounds like you are so uncomfortable that you are just not ready to have someone touch you there. does he do any sort of foreplay - kissing, touching breasts, etc - before he touches you there? does he know how uncomfortable you are with it?

[mykissmightkill.livejournal.com]

i prob shoulda explained that better, by stretching i think he meant trying to put one of my own fingers in and moving it around and then working till imcomfortable with adding anotherhing finger or so to try to get used to having bigget things in that area.

i will be seeing a gyno soon for shots so i can ask about this.

we do tons of foreplay before hand, and only after foreplay and him seeing if im wet enough does he try to put his penis inside. there have been times when we were both so worked up and stuff that he got his finger(s?) inside of me and was trying to work and stretch the hymen but no luck breaking or anything like that b/c it would start to hurt to much and then id get less exicted and eventually we'd just stop.

[diamondxavenue.livejournal.com]

i don't think you can stretch the vagina. they're muscles, so they expand and contract. it helps to be really turned on because it relaxes the muscles. And if you've never put anything up there you may still have a hymen.

i have the same problem; it hurts anytime something goes up there. i don't really have advice as i haven't learned how to handle it either, but good luck!

[mykissmightkill.livejournal.com]

i prob shoulda explained that better, by stretching i think he meant trying to put one of my own fingers in and moving it around and then working till imcomfortable with adding anotherhing finger or so to try to get used to having bigget things in that area.

there have been times when we were both so worked up and stuff that he got his finger(s?) inside of me and was trying to work and stretch the hymen, so there def still is one.

[ellinht.livejournal.com]

if the hymen is in fact the problem, which it sounds like it may be, you can get it surgically removed which may help with the problem.

Otherwise you could try break it yourself where you are more comfortable and can take things at your own pace.
Remember to breathe and relax your muscles because that will help with pain.

[mykissmightkill.livejournal.com]

at this point, as long as im not awake for it, id be like REMOVE THE SUCKER MWHAHAHAHA

XD yeah im a little weird lol

[2partswater.livejournal.com]

anything in there hurts before you get used to it. hell, even 13 years later i get a little "twinge" of pain upon penetration of anything - fingers, penis, or a toy - and i refuse to use cardboard tampon applicators. things have to be LUBED to really help penetration.

the first time i was fingered i was like, "um, this isn't pleasurable AT ALL!" but yeah, after a few times it got better. the first time i had sex wasn't THAT painful, but we had been using fingers.

yes, masturbate or practice with a toy or just use your fingers. it will eventually loosen up. also, when you're a little nervous or expecting pain, you might tighten up. if you're not nervous, you might still tighten up because you expect it to hurt.

[ms-empathy.livejournal.com]

Cardboard applicators drive me nuts! I'm so glad I don't have to deal with those anymore (I use a DivaCup).

[ms-empathy.livejournal.com]

I never stretched mine out before I started having sex. It hurt like hell the first several times, but it feels amazing now. So you don't really need to stretch it out yourself, but it would definitely help.

Fingering still hurts me, and I've been having sex for about 2 years. It may be psychological, but considering the therapy I've been through, I sort of doubt it. So I suggest that you just skip the fingering and go right for the sex (assuming you're emotionally ready for sex). But whatever you do, make sure whatever is going into your vagina is heavily lubricated. Lube will make everything feel better for both of you.

Also, I suggest staying away from spermicides until sex is comfortable, as spermicides make some people's vaginae hurt.

Good luck!

[mykissmightkill.livejournal.com]

hrm that seems to be the general consensus for basically everything youve said.
i never really thought it was good for fingers to be in there anyway really though. i mean theres the nails and the bacteria even if you do wash well. lol
i feel that i am emotionally ready. pain sucks. i wish i could go numb for a little while and fix this lol x.x

the bf and idont use condoms b/c he hates them so much. (funny story as to why other than that its not comfortable and less sensational, but he'd prob not be happy if i told the whole lj community haha)

[godst.livejournal.com]

Ok, I want you to go here.

here (http://www.mhhe.com/socscience/sex/common/ibank/ibank/0010.jpg)

Hymens can cause a lot of problems, and if your hymen is causing your problems, your best bet it to identify what kind of hymen you have. I had similar troubles until I found one of these pictures. Now, I know I have a septate hymen and when intercourse happened, it just popped loose. Yeah, it hurt-like hell-but, there's nothing to be worried about after the first few times. And even then, if you get enough lube-it's no problem at all. :D:D good luck

[mykissmightkill.livejournal.com]

Coolio :) thanks for the link. ill have to check it out and she whats going on down there, cuz i havent ever really looked at it that close :)
Thanks!

[like-marmalade.livejournal.com]

Oh...you make me happy. Because when I was 20 I came here with pretty much the same question. No tampons, no masturbation, sex = ow. For some reason, even though I know you're having a hard time, reading someone so much like me kinda makes me squishy inside. =P

So! You're not that comfy with your body, you don't really like touching (hence no masturbation) and no tampons. But, my friend, I will tell you that sex is still possible! Because I was able to achieve it! lol!

Going to a gyno might be nice, I happened to be going to the gyno for a visit (unrelated) around the time me and the bf (ALSO LONG DISTANCE AT THE TIME...see how much we have in common?!) were trying, and failing at, having sex. So I was at the gyno and I was like, "Maybe I have vaginismus?" because honestly sex was not working lol, and my gyno told me she didn't see any signs of it from my checkup so I was like, well okay.

Just try and try again. I know this is hard but RELAX. Drop your hips. Don't squeeze your thighs. Even though we've been having sex for a couple of years now, it can still hurt me, especially if I tense up. I totally understand the, "I expect pain so I get nervous" thing because I do that too! I can squeeze/tense up my thighs together and basically trap him so he can't go any further lol! It's a bad habit. =P

Also, when we first started trying, and even a little afterwards, we'd put a pillow under my butt to raise me up a little. I read it somewhere online LOL. Might wanna try that, who knows?

Anyways! I know it hurts, but you can do it! Try not to get too frustrated (if you do I understand lol, I used to cry), and try try again. It took us a few times (and we were both virgins...your guy might be able to make it a little easier for you lol), to actually get it. But I mean, don't FORCE yourself to try, (I'm sure that's a given), but you know what I mean.

Oh and like, if he kinda goes in with teh penis, you can totally make him stop and just sit there. And maybe, without going in further, he can rock back and forth a little, to get some juices flowing. Sometimes that helps me.

If you want to read my post about it once upon a time not so long ago, it is here: http://community.livejournal.com/vaginapagina/5541120.html

My Email is Eitak456 at yahoo dot com, if you ever wanna be like, "It's still not working, you're so dumb Marmalade!" =P lol!

Most of the ladies here are WAY smarter than I am on advice and stuff so definately listen to what they have to say! I like like to be the person who encourages! Good luck!!

[mykissmightkill.livejournal.com]

<3 you!! lol :D squishy feelings inside yayyy ^_^ it is nice knowing a lot of other people are having/had similar problems. I'll be at the gyno sometime soon i think for shots for preventing cervical cancer and something else. so i could always ask her to check me out.
i have a feeling i have a thick hymen too. when i was little i had a weird bike accident, and i bled from my vagina, but the bf is convinced its still there and when he has his fingers in, i feel like he is pushing on something too. But i was wondering if maybe that accident had affected my insides too.
Also, I think one of the problems is that he tries to move a bit fast b/c he is excited. and moving fast, im sure, will def not help me handle the pain or the issues any better.
the times where we got closest to having him in me, were when we were lying on my couch with no one home watching a movie, both really relaxed but getting turned on b/c he was teasing me and doing thigns slowly, so i climbed on top of him and we sorta connected penis into vagina a little bit, but woudnt go any further b/c i wasnt on HBC yet. but i was so relaxed AND comforable and ready feeling. so i think ill bring that idea up again.
Thank you for the advice and showing me your post as well :) my yahoo is taralynn031@yahoo.com if you wanted to message me as well :) but if you wanted to even just talk, I use aim and we could be all like WE BECAME ONLINE BUDDIES B/C OF OUR VAGINAS!!! then you could message me on AIM :) lol my screen name is: Mykissmightkiii <--yes three i's :) no worries though if you dont message. :)

[pinkdramon.livejournal.com]

If you don't want to go and get a sex toy,

Then go to the gyno and ask them to get you a set of medical dilators. They can order a set for you if they don't have one on hand.

You might even be able to bill your insurance company, so, submit the bill :)

[minimery.livejournal.com]

I'm so glad you wrote about this! It's really nice knowing that I'm not alone in this struggle! I got married last month and my husband and I hadn't had sex before we got married and it hurt so bad. I expected it to hurt the first time, but my goodness it was worse than I had ever thought. We are still having trouble with the whole situation (but we haven't been giving penetration our full attention due to period and him being really sick for a week and a half, etc). I think after the first couple of tries hurting so bad I just have a negative connection in my mind, which is awful, because I want to have (good) sex with him so bad. We're trying to figure out what will work best to get my body used to sex so we can start having good sex. I'd really be interested to hear what ends up working for you.

[mykissmightkill.livejournal.com]

yeahs theres been quite a few people in the same situation and its def nice to know youre not the only one :)

its prob a good idea to read through all the helpful suggestions everyones left me :) and good luck to you guys, and congrats on the marriage ! :D

when things finally work, ill try to remember to post back to you or this site and let people know what did work for me :)!