when will sex feel good?

[sinkswim.livejournal.com]

hello everyone!

my boyfriend and i had sex for the first time last week. i finally got over the initial pain and tenseness, but it still doesn't feel all that amazing. is this normal? will it ever feel good? how will i know when i have an orgasm? i'm so confused!

Comments

[iamnokiller.livejournal.com]

If it didn't feel good eventually, no one would rave about it =)

[alistaere.livejournal.com]

It usually takes a lot of practice. XD; Practice and communication. That's about it.

[eclare.livejournal.com]

I didn't really enjoy sex for years after I started. I think a lot of women have sex earlier than they have libidos. I know that today, if I have sex when I'm not really horny I don't really enjoy it.

That sounds really negative. So let me clarify. We kind of portray sex as this “natural” thing that happens by itself like…well, I guess like pubic hair. But although babies learn to walk and talk spontaneously, they still have to learn. It doesn't come all at once. Just like that, your body needs to learn how to have sex.

Just listen to your body, keep trying, and try to have fun with it even if it's not getting you off right away.

[stenodork.livejournal.com]

i totally agree.
when i was having sex (too early, i might add) it was with the wrong person, i didn't really want it, and i definitely didn't like it.

you have to be aroused first or it doesn't work really.

[eclare.livejournal.com]

Apparently it's super common for womens' first sexual experience to be because someone else wanted to do it - her boyfriend, her best friend was already doing it, etc. I'm not saying rape, just not her idea. She's agreeing to someone else's want.

I kind of wonder if that's like this horrible negative thing that we should encourage the next generation of women to avoid. Or maybe it's an ordeal (like a first period) that teaches you something. I mean, it's easier for me to say, "Sex was bad because I was with the wrong person" than it is to say "Sex was bad because I wasn't being honest with myself and I didn't actually have a sex drive yet." Maybe if you start out doing the exact wrong thing it makes it easier to recognize the wrong thing later on?

[six58.livejournal.com]

aw sweetie. thats totally normal.
it just takes some time for you to figure out what feels the best for you.
so yes. it will feel good eventually. =)

i also agree with the libido thing that eclare mentioned.

the hornier you are, the better it feels. =p

[h0rsegurrrl.livejournal.com]

Many, many women do not orgasm from penetrative sex at all (I don't), but rather from clitoral stimulation. If you're not used to giving yourself orgasms, you may want to get comfortable with that before asking a partner to help you (there is a lot of information under the "masturbation" tag). You can continue to try to have orgasms with your partner, although you may not be successful until you discover on your own way of pleasuring yourself and can then show your partner, but there is no harm in trying. How will you know when you have an orgasm? I can't really think of any other way to explain; some other people on here may have a better description, but in my experience, you'll know when it's happening to you, lol.

This is something that I have learned from taking many theatre classes as a major, and it applies to many things in life, not just theatre. In order for one to enjoy something that is going on (be it a theatre show, a concert, or yes, sex), one must become emotionally engaged in the act, whatever it may be. If you allow your mind to say, "This is nice; it feels good and I'm getting closer to my boyfriend," then your body will likely follow - basically, if you go in with a positive mindset, then you'll have a better time than if you were to go in with a negative or neutral mindset, and your boyfriend will likely pick up on the fact that you're more engaged and feed off your energy (in theatre, if the audience is giving the actors good feedback, the actors will feed off their energy resulting in a more successful show). I can't find my notes right now but I hope that comparison makes sense. Good luck.

[warmtea87.livejournal.com]

Lol, um you'll know. I had a few sexual partners before my current boyfriend, but honestly he has been the only one to give me amazing orgasms. It takes time, it take pratice, for both partners. You need to learn what gives you pleasure. Maybe you should take some alone time (like a good hour or so in a nice relaxing bath) and find out what feels good to you and what doesn't, then try that technique with your partner. You also need to learn what positions you like the best and how to position yourself to get the best possible pleasure. It really takes experiance and time.

[xjimix.livejournal.com]

Yeah, my first girlfriend wasn't ever comfortable telling me what she wanted or how to get her off... I really had to read her mind sometimes and compile the small pieces of information she felt comfortable divulging before I started to get good at oral... before that I was way too rough... so I think that you need to figure out what works for you first before you can teach your partner, and don't be afraid to give advice if it doesn't feel right.

[counterfeitmoon.livejournal.com]

Be sure he touches you in lots of ways besides just putting his penis inside of you or touching your breasts....if he starts out before that by touching you and kissing you all over....making sure you feel aroused before he actually has sex for you....and finding out what feels good *for you*...that will go a long way towards making sure sex is amazing for you.

I second (third, whatever) the advice to try touching yourself and see what you like, so you can find out how your body responds. How you touch yourself isn't necessarily how you will want your partner to touch you, but it will give you an idea how your body responds and what orgasm feels like.

[scien.livejournal.com]

If you've not had an orgasm, generally the most productive way to practice is on your own :) it can be helpful to get a handle on how things work by yourself before you try them with a partner. There are lots of memories on the subject in this community and in sextips.

And yes, sex definitely gets better with practice, just like every other skill you'll learn in life!

[real-bethy.livejournal.com]

Remember when you first started riding your bike? You fell down a lot and scraped your knees but then after awhile, you figured it out and then would coast down big hills with your hands off your handlebars? Sex is kinda like that. I think the media and our friends sort of present us with unrealistic depictions of sex - things like you have mind-busting orgasms, both of you at the exact same time, nobody has bad breath and nobody accidentally toots when their lover goes down on them. It might take awhile for sex to be totally rockin' for you two - as silly as it sounds, you need practice (and most people do when they have sex for the first few times or they have a different partner). If you both care about pleasuring each other and don't mind doing a little exploration into driving each other wild, it's going to be just fine!:) And keep mind that each time you have sex, the results may vary. Just relax and go with the flow.

And you will know when you orgasm. Trust me. Your body acts involuntarily - a kind of pressure builds up and then is released...it is hard to explain, but you will notice. It took me a long time to have an orgasm when I first started having sex because I was still learning what to do and what I liked...but now I have them quite a lot!

[ms-kitsch.livejournal.com]

Sex will only feel good if you're aroused beforehand... This often means lots of touching, kissing, and foreplay. It's really fun learning all about a new partner and what s/he likes, so be completely honest and open! Try new things, new positions, toys (if you're comfortable with that), lubes, massage, sex on the floor, etc. etc. etc. The key is to be aroused, lubricated, and comfortable with your partner.

As far as an orgasm goes, have you ever experienced one while masturbating? If not, this is a must! Figure out the where and how you like to be touched, and what turns you on. The more familiar you are with your body and fantasies, the more you will enjoy sex and be able to express yourself to partners. And, as others have said, many many women do not orgasm solely with penetrative sex, so don't feel pressure about that. I've had sex lots of times, but only experienced a few orgasms during penetration-- and all of those were due to clitoral stimulation.

Remember to be safe, only do what you're comfortable with, always have protection on hand, and have fun!