Your boyfriend's thoughts on this matter bring up a couple of things that I think need to be discussed. The first one that really jumps out at me is that sex isn't always about love, and you can certainly love someone very much without wanting to have sex with them. Sex isn't about proving your love to someone, it's about mutual enjoyment. If you love each other and you want to have sex, that's great. But lacking a sex drive or a desire for sex isn't about lacking love for someone - and I wouldn't want the OP to feel she needed to have sex with her partner just to prove her love for him.
Also, this statement: "i mean, the guy wants only her -that- much so it must be an expression of how much he loves and sees only her right? again alluding back to the stated fact that he's usually a nice guy."
Being a nice guy most of the time does not, under any circumstances, make it okay to scare someone into having sex with them, and the OP said her partner gets "scary". While I agree that it is very important for the OP to clearly express her desire to not have sex with her partner, she should also never, ever have to "fight him off". If he's forcing himself on her or manipulating her emotions to get her to have sex with him, he is doing a terrible thing. He is not expressing his love and desire for her, he is doing her serious harm. Confusing passion with force is a dangerous idea.
I know your boyfriend means well and is only trying to help, so please understand that I am also trying to help by pointing out a few things that may not have occurred to him when he said what he said.
To the OP - please remember that sex should be about you as much as it is about your partner, and he never has any right to demand sex of you. He doesn't need sex to live, though he may want it very much. Even if he does want it, he has no right to take it from you without your consent. If you need any help with any of this, VP is here for you.
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Date: 2006-10-09 02:34 pm (UTC)Also, this statement: "i mean, the guy wants only her -that- much so it must be an expression of how much he loves and sees only her right? again alluding back to the stated fact that he's usually a nice guy."
Being a nice guy most of the time does not, under any circumstances, make it okay to scare someone into having sex with them, and the OP said her partner gets "scary". While I agree that it is very important for the OP to clearly express her desire to not have sex with her partner, she should also never, ever have to "fight him off". If he's forcing himself on her or manipulating her emotions to get her to have sex with him, he is doing a terrible thing. He is not expressing his love and desire for her, he is doing her serious harm. Confusing passion with force is a dangerous idea.
I know your boyfriend means well and is only trying to help, so please understand that I am also trying to help by pointing out a few things that may not have occurred to him when he said what he said.
To the OP - please remember that sex should be about you as much as it is about your partner, and he never has any right to demand sex of you. He doesn't need sex to live, though he may want it very much. Even if he does want it, he has no right to take it from you without your consent. If you need any help with any of this, VP is here for you.