vaginapagina | Setting Limits (Reply)

So about a month ago, my boy and I started dating [Background- I'm 18, he's 22, both virgins, though he's had more experience than I].

We had known each other for about 2 months beforehand and fallen madly in love (my mother has described it as 'twitterpated' and 'apeshit in love', though I'm not sure the two are that equivalent...) In the month prior to our hooking up, we set a very strict limit on what we could and could not do- this limit was vastly due to his being my employer at the time (possibly one of the worst situations in which to meet your prospective manbeast, gah!). Because of this limit, and the physical stress it put on our relationship, I crossed a very prominant line. Our first date was after my shift on my last day of work. That night, I stayed at his apartment, and slept with him (nothing more than sleep. and kissing, but nothing terrebly sexual). Now, I know that it's not dirty or horrible or anything like that, but it was a big deal back then. I'm an intelect, I'm 'better' than that, I don't -do- things like this! [Though I hold NOTHING against people who take relationships MUCH faster than mine. I know people go at their own pace, I was just very disappointed in mine...]

But I got over it. That wasn't so bad. It was actually enjoyable. I could get used to that!

A few days after that night, I moved to another town about an hour away, which REALLY hasn't agreed well with our relationship, especially since we don't have cars. But somehow we have managed to see each other surprisingly frequently- I don't think that we've been apart for more than a week and a half. There was even a week that I stayed with him at his apartment because I didn't have any important things to do at my place. That week was interesting. I was on the tail end of my period, so when I first got there we didn't do much. We didn't even really get into our random intense make out sessions until a day or two before I left. One of the nights though... he started fingering me, and I let him, and it was good for a while, in the blind intensity of it all, but then it started to hurt a little bit and I snapped back to myself, told him to stop (which he did very politely), and I curled myself into a little ball and almost started crying because I was so disappointed in myself. I was disappointed that I let myself let him do such a thing to me. I mean, we haven't even been together for a whole month!

I -KNOW- that everyone takes their relationships at their own pace, and I -KNOW- that sexual interactions are -not- to be seen as something completely horrible and dirty and nasty, because we are in a very loving relationship. I know society tells us so many contradicting things about how we should view sex and that a lot of women are turned off of the idea simply because it can be seen as a way of objectifying women. In the very beginning of our relationship I was nervous about that last bit, but since then we have been able to talk about things rather openly and I -KNOW- that he's not going to pressure me into doing anything that I'm not ready for (actual sex is still a speck far in the distance, and we are both very aware of this fact- this decision comes from my own personal moral boundaries, etc., and the fact that I don't want to rely on condoms alone, and I cannot afford BC [not to mention that I've never been able to swallow pills :X]). Especially not after that one incident.

BUT. Since we don't see each other very often (and are in constant fear of not finding transportation!), instead of slowly letting out sexual tensions a little bit each day with friendly kisses, etc., When we visit we get into things VERY intesnsively. And while it is all very fun in its own right, it's starting to concern me that after a while we just won't be able to hold back anything any more and we'll do something that we both regret. We've tried discussing it, and we just can't seem to come up with anything tangeable- I can never find the words to completely explain why I feel the way I do about certain things because I don't completely understand them to begin with. Though I know there are many other roads to take than the one that leads directly to sex, I can't figure out where my boundaries lie because I can't figure out how I'd feel about certain acts until I do them (followed by either a reaction of 'oh that wasn't so bad' or a complete breakdown like that one night). He's expressed that he wants to make me feel good- emotionally and physically, so he won't push me to let him touch my nether-regions again, but I confuse myself- I think 'oh, well he's already done it once' but 'I wasn't ready then and I'm not ready now.' and he wants me to help him along to show him what makes me feel good, but my experiences with self-stimulation have been less than extraordinary, so I can't give him any ideas. He loves loving my breasts, and I'm fine with that, but getting excited about it is rather hit-or-miss.

I'm not entirely sure what I hope to get from all of this, and I apologize for the length. I keep trying to look for a quick answer somewhere, but I know there isn't one, and its just making me stress out WAY too much for my own good. I just REALLY needed to rant about it and ask you all what your thoughts are on the matter, or if you have any suggestions to help with the tension build up (and before you suggest it- masturbation a) is more frustrating than satisfying, maybe i'm doing it wrong- but I don't really care enough to 'perfect' the technique; and b) would probably just make me miss him more!) Its frustrating me so much that I can't figure these things out.

Any thoughts are welcome. Thanks, ladies (and gents? o_O)!