Masturbation and post break-up depression

[faylette.livejournal.com]

I just wanted your opinions. I recently broke up with my boyfriend and I am, as you could guess, very upset. The other night, I masturbated with random thoughts and enjoyed it quite well. I figured I could continue to masturbate in this period of post break-up depression, but now I'm unsure. Everything from Hello Kitty slippers to the colour blue reminds me of him, and I am getting increasingly sad. Now I fear that if I masturbate, I will think of him.

Should I give it a shot just to see how it goes? Should I not risk it at all?

This is bugging me so much. :(

Comments

[comatose.livejournal.com]

I know how this feels. My last relationship ended a year ago. I'm over it now and have been for quite some time.

But the first two months after the break up, I don't think I masturbated at all. I was depressed and sad of course, but I found myself drifting to thoughts of my ex. I was still doing that occasionally earlier this year and the strange thing was that I felt nothing for him, but because he was my last sexual partner, I couldn't really help it.

It was very frustrating and it actually was a big turn off for me.

This really hasn't offered much help to you, I'm sure, but in my opinion... after a break up you need time to heal and move on and that includes all aspects of your life that it can affect.

Somehow you have to train yourself to think of anything else BUT him when you're masturbating. I found that it was frustrating to do at first, but became easier the more times I distracted my thoughts away from him.

Well, I hope that helped somewhat.

[faylette.livejournal.com]

Thank you. I found that very helpful. :)

[lindsey-nichole.livejournal.com]

When I got out of my first serious serious relationship (dated 2+ years, lived together etc) I wanted nothing to do with anything. I associated orgasming with him because he was the first guy that I was able to orgasm with. It took a little while before I had any desire to try and the first few times I masturbated actually brought on tears and a lot of emotional release. Over time I stopped associating it with him and it became about me again.

I think when you are ready, you'll be more comfortable with the idea - but trying now isn't going to hurt.

Sorry about your break-up, I know how hard it can be.

[oboegoddess.livejournal.com]

Masturbation can be very healing and take your mind off the pain, but can be hard when you are thinking of your ex. I would recommend forcing yourself to think of anyone else besides him. Even a favorite celebrity you think is hot or something. That way you can get the benefits of orgasm, but not feel like you aren't letting go of your ex. And of course, if it gets to be too much and you can't avoid associating the activity with him, take a break for a while.

[kristen-182.livejournal.com]

My boyfriend of 2 years and I broke up in April, and I was insanely broken hearted (well, I still am...). When we were going out, I almost rarely ever masturbated, and a couple weeks after we broke up, I actually found myself doing it a lot more often. I found it more as my escape, and it almost subconsciously convinced myself that I was still attractive and whatnot. If I can remember correctly, I probably thought of him a few times during the act, but after a while, I managed to still think those same thoughts, yet theer was no defined face to this man anymore, which I think helped a lot.. I'm not really sure what I'm trying to say here, but I hoped it helped somewhat... I sorta rambled. But yeah, if you have any other questions, lemme know <3

[lindseydyan118.livejournal.com]

I feel your pain...I just got dumped (for another girl) by the love of my life and I find it so hard to do anything without thinking of him. Just thinking about sex is enough to make me cry. I think we should form a support group or something! Good luck to you...If you ever need to talk or vent or anything, just let me know...

[faylette.livejournal.com]

Indeed, we need a club. :(

[disenchantedgrl.livejournal.com]

icon love <3

[lindseydyan118.livejournal.com]

Thanks....It definately fits my mood!

[fakeplasticrose.livejournal.com]

Masturbation is a wonderful way to relax and calm your nerves, and I believe that it could help you get through the post break-up period more smoothly. Why don't you try watching pornography? That could help you keep your mind off of your ex when you get yourself off.

*HUGS*

[disenchantedgrl.livejournal.com]

I do too ex or no ex

[faylette.livejournal.com]

I don't watch pornographic videos though, and I certainly don't own any. I feel very uncomfortable looking at things like that.

[emmycantbemeeko.livejournal.com]

Hardcore porn may not be your thing (though don't knock it till you've tried it- ask around among your friends or read reviews online and you may be able to find some you find arousing), but try watching a mainstream movie with sex scenes you think are hot, or reading some erotica (there's a TON of free stuff at literotica.com, and all categorized by type/theme so you can avoid stuff that makes you uncomfortable). Giving yourself something to focus on sexually aside from a particular person you've already had sex with can help you defuse the associations of sex = person who hurt me, which I've always found helpful in the getting-over-him process. And remembering that you're a beautiful, sexy person capable of enjoyment and fulfillment, sexually and otherwise, without him can be a huge boost to the ego. Porn or erotica are helpful because they give you something to really conciously focus on at first to keep your mind from drifting to him while you masturbate. Later, when you feel less vulnerable and less consumed with thoughts of him, you'll probably find it unneccessary. But it's a nice help when you're drowning in emotions the way one often is after a breakup.

Learning to fantasize and please yourself in ways that have nothing to do with an ex can help stem the feeling of dependence and deprivation. If it doesn't work right away, no worries, but it's definitely worth trying at regular intervals till you feel better. And you will feel better eventually. Promise. I'm so sorry you're going through this, but take heart- it does pass.

[tyrsalvia.livejournal.com]

What about written erotica? http://www.literotica.com is a site that a few of my friends have mentioned. It's free, and you don't have to worry about looking at people you think are creepy.

sexual camel

[jbberish.livejournal.com]

Hm, I rarely think of specific people when I'm masturbating, so I've never associated it per se with a person.

However. After my last girlfriend left me, I didn't masturbate for two years. I just wasn't in any kind of sexual space, it didn't have much to do with her. When I did, I burst into tears every time I had an orgasm for a few months. I think its most important that you do what you want and stay true to your own desires.

[disenchantedgrl.livejournal.com]

when my ex moved to NY a year ago, I decided to get him off my mind by doing something to distract me. I started to read books on architecture. I suggest that you take up something like that, a class, reading, art/crafts, you know. I think its normal to masturbate about your ex, you have feelings for him. I used to do this with another ex but when I started to think about all the bad things he did to me while masturbating it actually turned me off and I stopped masturbating. Maybe something like that would help.

Good luck and best wishes.

[spokenonlyonce.livejournal.com]

I would echo the others who have advised you to think about someone else or watch pornography. My boyfriend and I broke up back in March and one of the several reasons for it was that he kissed his ex-girlfriend. It was so hard for me to masturbate for ages because I would get an image of him in my mind and then all of a sudden I'd be thinking of him kissing her and not only did I have to stop immediately but more than once I rushed to the bathroom thinking I might be physically ill. I figurd out that the only way I could masturbate for awhile was watching porn. Eventually I was able to masturbate again without the porn when I could construct fantasies with fictitous men and just focus on those fantasies so that I wouldn't think of my ex. And now I'm at a point where I can think about my ex, my current crush, or just no one in particular at all and it's fine. It's a process... just find what works and be kind to yourself.

*big hugs*

[scien.livejournal.com]

Yeah, it can be really tough :( *hug*

After my breakup I tried really, really hard to not think of my ex when I masturbated, but it took a couple of months before I managed fully. It was pretty horrifying, not least because I was both horny and angsty for two months solid hehe. Not a good combo.

Definitely give it a go, you probably need it. If your mind betrays you at the last moment, then just know that this too shall pass. Read smut, or watch it, or just imagine it, and try to keep this about you. It will get better.

[loonylupinlover.livejournal.com]

Try having an evening that's just about you. Light some candles that smell nice, put on a favorite CD, relax in a bubble bath with your favorite scent, and just remind yourself that you're still attractive and a sexual being with or without a partner. Think happy thoughts about yourself and your body, and hopefully your brain will follow along. Don't feel too distressed if you do end up thinking of him, because it is perfectly natural to still have feelings for him right after a breakup. But just remind yourself that this is something for you, something about you, and hopefully that will help. :) I think if you can remind yourself that you can still have a good sexual life even after a breakup with someone you cared about, that that will help in a lot of ways. :) Best of luck.

[erlgirl-9.livejournal.com]

I'm not sure about your question, but as to your music...HOuse of the Rising Sun is by the band "Animals"

[fallingtopieces.livejournal.com]

Forgive my useless reply here, but your icon makes me smile.

Also, for the sake of fun trivia, this! (http://kiv.pp.ru/cgi-bin/index-house) I wouldn't have linked to something so unrelated except it's totally weird that this came up. I was thinking about this very project at work today. :)

[erlgirl-9.livejournal.com]

Haha, sweet!

[fallingtopieces.livejournal.com]

I went through this same thing last year and I feel for you. That's not much help, I know. :) I pretty much second what everyone else said, but I just wanted to say good luck with things and feel better soon!

[--videokilled.livejournal.com]

I'm sorry about your breakup :(

[poonchkie.livejournal.com]

Oh geez, I hope the only thing I think of when I see Hello Kitty is HK, herself. That totally sucks that you think of him when you see HK.

Think of it this way: Hello Kitty is so cute and soft and nice. Total opposite of your ex. HK = good and nice thoughts. Ex = icky thoughts. So think of HK in a nice way!