painful sex and orgasms

[groupieforhire.livejournal.com]

Hey everyone. I have three random questions which (I think/hope) are pretty unrelated.

The first is about orgasms, in response to the multiple orgasm post below. Forget multiple orgams; are there women who simply can't orgasm from intercourse? It took my current boyfriend 3 months of trying, but (unlike those before him) he succeeded orally and we haven't had much of a problem with that since. Vaginal, on the other hand, usually feels nice, but I've never felt orgasmy, if that makes since. Are there a lot of women like that?

Question number two... anal... any ways to make it less uncomfortable?

And question number three... sex has always been pretty painful for me. Mostly sort of a stinging kind of pain; we have to stop somewhat often, and the only way to make it stop hurting is usually to take a bath (the hot water seems to help a lot). I've gotten it checked out, but haven't gotten any good answers. It's not BV, 90% chance it's not endometriosis, etc. Could it just be that my boyfriend's a bit, well, large? Any other ideas?

Thanks in advance for your help!

Comments

[princess-kessie.livejournal.com]

1. The vast majority of women all over the world DO NOT orgasm vaginally/from piv sex. It is a minority that can and do. For the most part, many women require clitoral stimulation to orgasm - either direct via manual stimulation or indirect through friction or body contact. I personally use a small butterfly vibrator on my clitoris during sex, as I need direct stimulation. You just need to find what works for you personally, and don't worry about what society thinks 'should' happen in the bedroom!

2. That's a tough one. Going very very slow to start, only allowing him in when YOU are good and ready, stopping if you feel any pain, trying again later, plenty of lube, ensuring your bowels are empty - all of these can help make it feel less uncomfortable and more pleasurable. It may be that he is too big for you, and you may never feel entirely comfortable. I personally find that keeping a small-ish dildo strictly for this purpose, and using it before anal can be very helpful. But you should never feel pressured to continue with something that is too uncomfortable for you.

3. It is entirely possible that your man could be a little on the 'large' side. From my own past experiences, and from what I have read over the years, excessive stretching from a too-large partner can cause the stinging you refer to. Perhaps having a leisurely bath together before sex might help relax and loosen you up a tad? Starting off with a toy, and/or fingers and plenty of lube, then moving up to himself when you feel ready can help. More frequent sex can help keep you 'stretched' - I know if I go too long in between, I get tight and it stings a bit when the hubby and I get around to it again...also the comment about condom and spermicide allergies is quite possible too. I am lucky, no latex or spermicide allergies - but I AM allergic to hubby's semen, off all things!!!

I hope you find something that works for you! ^_^

[groupieforhire.livejournal.com]

Thanks for your advice! I'll definitely try slowing down and using fingers. I don't think we could really have sex more often... it's usually about every day, and sometimes more, so I'd have to set an alarm for a 3am booty call to fit it in ;) Condoms did hurt more, but we both got tested and we've been going au naturel for a little over a year. How did you know you were allergic to semen? Semen always hurts like crazy, although I kinda figured it was the salt hitting the open skin from stretching.

[princess-kessie.livejournal.com]

I get intense itching if we have unprotected sex - then end up incredibly sore for the next week - like I've been badly burned both inside and out. We persisted for a year, thinking I might just get used to it, but it got worse and worse. We went back to condoms, and the reaction went away inside a week. So I went for allergy testing, and among my many many allergies, I am officially allergic to his semen...I have heard that it is actually not *that* uncommon to be allergic to your partner's semen - go figure!