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vaginapaginaDear Uterus,
So, as I'm sitting here with our IUD hanging half (I'm bad with fractions) out of our close friend Cervix, it has become clear that we need to have a discussion about Big Life Decisions. Specifically, the decision is to determine how best to prevent small life from taking up tenant status within you.
The easiest and most obvious, I think, would be to simply get another ParaGard. But you'd have to promise to be nice to this one.
So tell me, please, what went wrong with the first? It's been 7 months since you met, and you seemed to be getting along pretty well until now.
Did Miss Cervix maybe not like Mooncup? I know she and Diva were best friends, but Mooncup plays so much nicer with 'Gina. Besides, it's a little unfair for Miss C to decide now that she doesn't like Mooncup. They've met plenty of times before, and the last time was 3 or 4 days ago. Our IUD was very much in place then: I checked, so I know.
Because I really need to know about this. With the lengths and intensities of your visits with Aunt Flo, a cup is very much a necessity. Much as I love my bloodless panties, I can swallow the $35 dollar loss and go back to Diva if I need to. What I can't do, however, is depend on any kind of absorbing products; I've tried that and decided that I can't afford to by new pants so often.
Option Number Two involves potentially eliminating the need for a cup of any kind by getting a Mirena instead. Now, we all know that I'm not a big fan of artificial hormones, however localized, but I would be willing to do this for you.
There would, of course, be drawbacks. The first is that you might not feel like yourself, even provided that you promise to keep a closer eye on the Mirena and not let it hang out with Miss Cervix unsupervised. Your visits with Aunt Flo would probably become shorter and more infrequent, and personally, I've become sort of attached to her "open the floodgates" personality, and I'd miss it if it were gone. Also, there's the fact that, after a ParaGard, 5 years' worth of protection really doesn't sound like all that much anymore: we don't want a baby ever.
Perhaps the best option would be for me to cut off communication between you and the Ovary sisters. I know, it's what I was initially looking for all along. But please understand that, due to some people's stupidity, it's very difficult for a 19-year-old -- or a 20-year-old or a 21-year-old or a 22-year-old or a 23-year-old or a 24-year-old -- to get a tubal ligation. That's why we got the IUD in the first place. remember? Because it seemed like a reasonable compromise.
I could look into it again, if you want: I already have been. This Essure procedure sounds like it would be pretty good for us. We could arrange a roadblock on the Fallopian Highways and quickly get on with our lives. I don't know if our insurance covers it, but I know it does cover traditional tubal ligations, so it's at least worth researching further.
Of course, there's still the difficulty of finding a doctor who will do it. Delia might if she could, but she can't (so she won't) because she's not technically a physician. She might know someone who could do it, and she'd probably refer us there. It might still be an uphill battle, though, and I don't know how many more birth control fights I have in me.
Anyway, please weigh the following options and rank your first, second, and third choices. Then have your secretary contact me: phone or email is probably best, as I'm having difficulty decoding meaning in the blood spots on my panties, though the plastic knob in my os is pretty damn clear. Hard to mistake that one, which is apparently uterus-speak for, "Fuck off!"
Sincerely and desperately,
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frolicnaked
P.S. Just for the record, no I am not willing to go the "abstinence until menopause" route, so don't even dare to suggest that.
P.P.S. To VPers: I'm not sure if I'm asking for input -- though if you have any, I'd welcome it -- or just to work through my thoughts. People here might understand it better than would the friends in my personal journal.
So, as I'm sitting here with our IUD hanging half (I'm bad with fractions) out of our close friend Cervix, it has become clear that we need to have a discussion about Big Life Decisions. Specifically, the decision is to determine how best to prevent small life from taking up tenant status within you.
The easiest and most obvious, I think, would be to simply get another ParaGard. But you'd have to promise to be nice to this one.
So tell me, please, what went wrong with the first? It's been 7 months since you met, and you seemed to be getting along pretty well until now.
Did Miss Cervix maybe not like Mooncup? I know she and Diva were best friends, but Mooncup plays so much nicer with 'Gina. Besides, it's a little unfair for Miss C to decide now that she doesn't like Mooncup. They've met plenty of times before, and the last time was 3 or 4 days ago. Our IUD was very much in place then: I checked, so I know.
Because I really need to know about this. With the lengths and intensities of your visits with Aunt Flo, a cup is very much a necessity. Much as I love my bloodless panties, I can swallow the $35 dollar loss and go back to Diva if I need to. What I can't do, however, is depend on any kind of absorbing products; I've tried that and decided that I can't afford to by new pants so often.
Option Number Two involves potentially eliminating the need for a cup of any kind by getting a Mirena instead. Now, we all know that I'm not a big fan of artificial hormones, however localized, but I would be willing to do this for you.
There would, of course, be drawbacks. The first is that you might not feel like yourself, even provided that you promise to keep a closer eye on the Mirena and not let it hang out with Miss Cervix unsupervised. Your visits with Aunt Flo would probably become shorter and more infrequent, and personally, I've become sort of attached to her "open the floodgates" personality, and I'd miss it if it were gone. Also, there's the fact that, after a ParaGard, 5 years' worth of protection really doesn't sound like all that much anymore: we don't want a baby ever.
Perhaps the best option would be for me to cut off communication between you and the Ovary sisters. I know, it's what I was initially looking for all along. But please understand that, due to some people's stupidity, it's very difficult for a 19-year-old -- or a 20-year-old or a 21-year-old or a 22-year-old or a 23-year-old or a 24-year-old -- to get a tubal ligation. That's why we got the IUD in the first place. remember? Because it seemed like a reasonable compromise.
I could look into it again, if you want: I already have been. This Essure procedure sounds like it would be pretty good for us. We could arrange a roadblock on the Fallopian Highways and quickly get on with our lives. I don't know if our insurance covers it, but I know it does cover traditional tubal ligations, so it's at least worth researching further.
Of course, there's still the difficulty of finding a doctor who will do it. Delia might if she could, but she can't (so she won't) because she's not technically a physician. She might know someone who could do it, and she'd probably refer us there. It might still be an uphill battle, though, and I don't know how many more birth control fights I have in me.
Anyway, please weigh the following options and rank your first, second, and third choices. Then have your secretary contact me: phone or email is probably best, as I'm having difficulty decoding meaning in the blood spots on my panties, though the plastic knob in my os is pretty damn clear. Hard to mistake that one, which is apparently uterus-speak for, "Fuck off!"
Sincerely and desperately,
frolicnakedP.S. Just for the record, no I am not willing to go the "abstinence until menopause" route, so don't even dare to suggest that.
P.P.S. To VPers: I'm not sure if I'm asking for input -- though if you have any, I'd welcome it -- or just to work through my thoughts. People here might understand it better than would the friends in my personal journal.
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