Sweetie, having read some of your responses here I think a lot of things could be at play.
First of all, while you may no longer experience conscious trauma from your sexual assault, it's quite likely that your subconscious is still hurting and healing from it.
Second of all, self-esteem and self-image plays a big part in how sexual and sexually open we feel. If you're very uncomfortable with your body, of course it makes sense you wouldn't feel very great about exploring it so intimately with another person!
Thirdly... being afraid of being "bad at sex" is very common. The thing to realize is that the only key to good sex... and I really mean this... is communication. If you are open and responsive to your lover's needs, and comfortable expressing and exploring your own, and comfortable discussing your sex life and sexuality with your partner, sex WILL be good sex.
But of course, it's hard to be very communicative when you feel uncomfortable with your body itself.
I hope that you look into counselling and therapy. I hope that you start opening up good lines of communication about your body and your sexuality with your partner.
And then there's the issue of pressure. In my experience, nothing is a bigger libido killer than pressure to either a) have sex or b) have AMAZING SEX. When you or someone else puts pressure on you, sex becomes a chore, not a fun and exploratory thing.
So my advice is to take a breather. Agree with your partner to have fun together without sex for a little while. Do other things together... cuddle, play-wrestle, whatever. Have fun with each other, and make sure the goal is to always have fun and not to do anything that makes you uncomfortable.
While you're doing that, start looking at working on your other issues. With a little soul searching, I really believe that one day you will find yourself having a wonderful and fulfilling sex life. :)
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Date: 2006-03-15 10:14 pm (UTC)First of all, while you may no longer experience conscious trauma from your sexual assault, it's quite likely that your subconscious is still hurting and healing from it.
Second of all, self-esteem and self-image plays a big part in how sexual and sexually open we feel. If you're very uncomfortable with your body, of course it makes sense you wouldn't feel very great about exploring it so intimately with another person!
Thirdly... being afraid of being "bad at sex" is very common. The thing to realize is that the only key to good sex... and I really mean this... is communication. If you are open and responsive to your lover's needs, and comfortable expressing and exploring your own, and comfortable discussing your sex life and sexuality with your partner, sex WILL be good sex.
But of course, it's hard to be very communicative when you feel uncomfortable with your body itself.
I hope that you look into counselling and therapy. I hope that you start opening up good lines of communication about your body and your sexuality with your partner.
And then there's the issue of pressure. In my experience, nothing is a bigger libido killer than pressure to either a) have sex or b) have AMAZING SEX. When you or someone else puts pressure on you, sex becomes a chore, not a fun and exploratory thing.
So my advice is to take a breather. Agree with your partner to have fun together without sex for a little while. Do other things together... cuddle, play-wrestle, whatever. Have fun with each other, and make sure the goal is to always have fun and not to do anything that makes you uncomfortable.
While you're doing that, start looking at working on your other issues. With a little soul searching, I really believe that one day you will find yourself having a wonderful and fulfilling sex life. :)