(( VaginaPagina ))

Well, I believe you are your own worst enemy. You are the only one who is going to reverse your phosphorus levels. Nobody is going to do that for you. However, just like the alcoholic, you have to want to get better. You are still getting a big payoff from being anorexic and that is why 'you're not getting better' like you say. Maybe you like the attention that this disorder draws- and that's okay, everybody wants and needs attention in their lives, but this is not the most positive way of drawing attention to yourself, if that is what you enjoy about your disorder. Maybe, you think you need an excuse to feel sad about being abused- no matter if you think it was just a bit of abuse. Any type of abuse it worthy of fixed, because there is a reason it made you feel bad- and maybe that feeling really has resulted in your self made disease. Thats okay too, you need to tell yourself that being abused is not okay, whatever the amount and length, it obviously made an impact on your life if you still think about it a lot. You have to want to be healthy, if you want your body to last its lifetime- and if you don't want any unpleasant surprises disease wise. You seem to be trying to help yourself by going to many health specialists, and thats an excellent start- because you need all the help you can get with this disease, especially if its from yourself. You are really trying to help yourself, you should do that more. I was anorexic for a part of my life... i was 5'6 and got down to 80lbs. Thats discusting, I never felt normal. Somehow, i fixed myself, and now I like to give my body nurishment and I do feel normal. Sometimes, I get that anorexic feeling (because it never goes away) but I use my brain and tell myself that I need all the minerals and vitamins I can get from my food in a day- and then I will truly feel Good, and Healthy. I think being anorexic is a selfish disease as well, because you are only ever thinking about yourself and not the rest of the people who care for you who want you to be healthy and live long. You are the only one judging yourself and telling yourself that you need to be skinny. Your opinion is the only one that counts- because if it didn't, you wouldn't be anorexic right now. Be strong, and love yourself- this is a very hard disease to come out of, but you can do it if you want it enough. The more you want to be healthy and not anorexic, the easier it will come to you. Why don't you try to be as healthy as you can be, and make the world drop their mouths in astonishment when they see such a healthy person who loves their body so much. Its a hard process to become healthy again, but you've got it made because guess what? NOBODY IS STOPPING YOU!