Can't feel pleasure during sex, too busy performing. Advice?

[c0ma3th0.livejournal.com]

( Trigger warning -- mention of child sexual abuse )

Scared to have oral sex?

[tinyroses72.livejournal.com]

Hi!

So there has been a problem within my sex life lately. I am too scared to let my boyfriend perform oral sex on me because I'm scared he may transmit his oral herpes to my genitals. I used to have the biggest fear of herpes which included panic attacks, staying up all night in fear, multiple doctor visits and HSV tests. I was absolutely CONVINCED I had it from a previous partner even though I barely had symptoms- I would get any sort of irritation and run to the doctor for swabs and blood tests and take photos to post on here for others advice. All my herpes tests have been negative as well as all other STD tests. I finally got over that fear of herpes mostly with help from all those tests, my doctor AND therapist. BUT, my boyfriend doesn't understand my issue. He respects that I am scared to, but asks me probably ever other time we have sex or at least mentions it making me feel guilty. He did it on me twice when we first starting having sex, and it was unprotected oral. I freaked out and thought i would wakeup with herpes and we havent done it since. Nothing ever happened and that was months and months ago, so would like to keep it that way. I know every time we do it unprotected its taking a risk. He argues that he hasnt had a coldsore in years so the odds are very low and I should just relax...but i feel unsafe taking any unnecessary risk. I mentioned female condoms or dental dams and he wasnt into that. Any advice at all on this situation?