(( VaginaPagina ))

I like what you said about your husband checking in... this is absolutely how it goes with a good lover. There's checking in regularly to make sure the other person is also enjoying themselves, and if there's evidence otherwise, things stop. I come to this from a fairly "toppy" place myself, and I take that responsibility SO seriously - whoever I'm with needs to understand that her pleasure is important, her comfort is incredibly important, she can always call a halt or whatever. And I pay attention to every tiny little detail of her reactions. If they seem off, I check in. Always.

I'm not amazing - to me, this is the absolute baseline requirement to have sex with someone. I'm always glad to hear someone else articulate the same thing. :) I wish the communication aspect of it all, and the mutual-consent-and-enjoyment stuff, was something we taught kids.