I had to search back for 4 decades to a time when someone was trying to pressure me into sex (I was a virgin at the time) and his behaviour horrifies me. As others above have mentioned, he's disrespected your boundaries; even worse IMO is that he's disrespected your body. More than once. I believe he knows exactly what he's doing, especially because of the "good sport" comment. I won't sugar-coat it: that makes him a sadist.
The fact that he has more sexual experience than you does not mean that he actually knows HOW to be a good lover. If he's incapable of learning how to be sensitive to his partner's needs (and it so looks like it), it wouldn't matter if he had 20 years of being sexually active. I've had FWBs and even FBs who've treated me better than he's treating you.
I'm very worried for both your physical and psychological safety. What if it weren't just some sexual pain or discomfort for you? What if you were having a stroke or heart attack (pretty rare, but I recently met a woman who'd had a stroke in her early 20s) during sex – and he didn't stop – well, then you might be dead (or severely disabled, in the case I know). Or it could be something as innocuous as a muscle spasm. No matter how trivial, the correct response would be to pull out immediately and see how he could reduce your pain level.
Psychologically, it sure sounds as if he's grooming you. With his Jekyll-and-Hyde personality, he's been able to convince not only you but everyone around you that he's the perfect guy for you. Your friends probably envy you, because he's such a gentleman, and they wouldn't understand why you're complaining when they can't see anything but his respectful public behaviour.
Even worse, he's likely hoping you'll eventually get tired of fighting him off. [Typing that makes me feel sick inside.] Whether you're trying to control your fertility with FAM or unwell or simply not in the mood, that doesn't matter to him. Excuse me for my bluntness, but it seems as if you're no more valuable than a blow-up doll to him because to him the most important thing is that HE gets off, inside your body, NO MATTER WHAT.
I don't know whether the two of you live together (it wasn't clear). If you are, then I believe the safest thing for you would be to not be living with him. The first commenters were suggesting that you talk to him. I think it's already moved beyond the talking stage. Face it: he's NOT stupid (duh - he's in grad school); but he's oblivious and acting as if he's entitled to sex, anytime, anywhere.
I'm sorry you've been having to deal with this all by yourself for the last couple of months and I hope you'll be able to stay safe as you decide how to proceed.
no subject
Date: 2012-05-01 03:25 pm (UTC)The fact that he has more sexual experience than you does not mean that he actually knows HOW to be a good lover. If he's incapable of learning how to be sensitive to his partner's needs (and it so looks like it), it wouldn't matter if he had 20 years of being sexually active. I've had FWBs and even FBs who've treated me better than he's treating you.
I'm very worried for both your physical and psychological safety. What if it weren't just some sexual pain or discomfort for you? What if you were having a stroke or heart attack (pretty rare, but I recently met a woman who'd had a stroke in her early 20s) during sex – and he didn't stop – well, then you might be dead (or severely disabled, in the case I know). Or it could be something as innocuous as a muscle spasm. No matter how trivial, the correct response would be to pull out immediately and see how he could reduce your pain level.
Psychologically, it sure sounds as if he's grooming you. With his Jekyll-and-Hyde personality, he's been able to convince not only you but everyone around you that he's the perfect guy for you. Your friends probably envy you, because he's such a gentleman, and they wouldn't understand why you're complaining when they can't see anything but his respectful public behaviour.
Even worse, he's likely hoping you'll eventually get tired of fighting him off. [Typing that makes me feel sick inside.] Whether you're trying to control your fertility with FAM or unwell or simply not in the mood, that doesn't matter to him. Excuse me for my bluntness, but it seems as if you're no more valuable than a blow-up doll to him because to him the most important thing is that HE gets off, inside your body, NO MATTER WHAT.
I don't know whether the two of you live together (it wasn't clear). If you are, then I believe the safest thing for you would be to not be living with him. The first commenters were suggesting that you talk to him. I think it's already moved beyond the talking stage. Face it: he's NOT stupid (duh - he's in grad school); but he's oblivious and acting as if he's entitled to sex, anytime, anywhere.
I'm sorry you've been having to deal with this all by yourself for the last couple of months and I hope you'll be able to stay safe as you decide how to proceed.