I totally sympathize with anxiety about receiving oral sex. (I'm a cis-female who sleeps with cis-male partners.) To me, honestly, it feels somehow more intimate than PIV sex, although I can't explain why. It may be that I can't see my partner's face while he's doing it and I can't hear him saying anything, so in the absence of that feedback I tend to freak out. I think my upper body also feels kinda lonely, maybe? I'm not sure. But yeah. I feel really, really sympathetic.
I had a partner who is very enthusiastic about his interest in going down on me, and that's been somewhat helpful. He asks, respectfully, if he can do it, but he also says something about how it turns him on. Feeling both desired and in control of the situation helps me. I've also noticed that I sometimes needed him to stop for a second during it because I get overstimulated and need...a second...or two...before things can continue without my being in pain or discomfort. I usually can now say to new partners "I'm a little nervous about this, but it helps if I know you're really into it."
Are you able to have an orgasm by yourself? Sometimes showing someone what to do (or simply letting them watch you) can help. It gets you comfortable 'letting go' in front of them, and it helps them figure out what does it for you in terms of places and rhythms. I also have found with dudes who don't get me off that one solution is to get on top of them and basically use them as sex toys to produce my own orgasm. At first doing this freaked me out a little, but it has worked well in the past. (The guys I've done this with have been very amenable!)
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Date: 2011-12-31 08:02 pm (UTC)I had a partner who is very enthusiastic about his interest in going down on me, and that's been somewhat helpful. He asks, respectfully, if he can do it, but he also says something about how it turns him on. Feeling both desired and in control of the situation helps me. I've also noticed that I sometimes needed him to stop for a second during it because I get overstimulated and need...a second...or two...before things can continue without my being in pain or discomfort. I usually can now say to new partners "I'm a little nervous about this, but it helps if I know you're really into it."
Are you able to have an orgasm by yourself? Sometimes showing someone what to do (or simply letting them watch you) can help. It gets you comfortable 'letting go' in front of them, and it helps them figure out what does it for you in terms of places and rhythms. I also have found with dudes who don't get me off that one solution is to get on top of them and basically use them as sex toys to produce my own orgasm. At first doing this freaked me out a little, but it has worked well in the past. (The guys I've done this with have been very amenable!)