vaginapagina | Listening to your instincts (Reply)

Hello everyone,

I don't have any questions today nor I'm actually offering some special ground-breaking advice, I'd just like to share my story which is about discovering that something's different with your sexual health from the majority and finding a way to solve it.

So, last summer I posted here, asking this:

Is there a possibility of woman's pleasure bits (clitoris and whole vulva) not giving sexual pleasure as they should? I know that when I'd just rub a hand between my legs over my clothes, or rubbing myself on the, let's say, sofa hand-rest, I would feel something nice.

So I was really looking forward to my first experience and getting a proper sexual touch from someone who attracts me. But I was very disappointed because it appears that my bits don't give me much plesure. It just felt...nice and pleasant. The sensation just wouldn't go up, it would stay the same. There were fingers, there was tongue, fingers in the vagina looking for a g-spot and around clitoris...but nothing that really aroused me, made me gasp or moan :(

I mean, I know it takes some women lots of tries to orgasm, and to be honest, I didn't have such expectations on my first encounter but I expected a lot more pleasure, it didn't have to necessarily blow my mind. When I told him that it feels like there's some kind of plateau I just won't go over he suggested that a vibrator might get me over the edge (he's got a lot more experience than me, including sex toys).

So I went to a sex shop yesterday and got myself a small bullet with 3 speeds and a lube. I got really excited over the prospect of finding out something new but it was mostly the same. Only difference was that I'd sometimes manage to hit a spot that would give me a reaction but it's either 'nothing' or 'TOO MUCH'!! so I'd have to move from there right away. I couldn't find a way to create a light pleasure and then build up on it, to get more and more. I mean, I'll keep trying, but it just worries me that I don't feel much....

So, to summarise, I tried touching myself before, realised I never get any great response and so I gave up on masturbation (trying all kinds of suggestions: shower head, vibrator, finger, rubbing against pillow...nothing) thinking that perhaps I'm not aroused by the idea of my own hand touching myself and that it's going to be different when it's with someone else.

I've got many lovely, considerate and comforting replies but...somehow, I didn't feel like any of those suggestions have something to do with me, I just couldn't apply them to my situation. I had a feeling it's not *just* that, in a way someone knows their body and doesn't identify with the situation, you know? Funny to say that, because in my post, it obviously says that I wasn't (still am not) very familiar with the sexual side of my body. But sometimes you just know something is not as it's supposed to be, according to all the things you've heard/read/been told and you start thinking you're crazy.
I talked to my friends, and general responses were: "Oh you've got to be in the mood/be in the right mind-set" "You're not doing it right, did you try this/that?" "It's because you're trying too much, just relax and don't think about it, you're stressed out/stop trying to do it if it upsets you" "It took me long time to orgasm, why are you so worked up?! it will come"

But what most of the people didn't understand, is that I wasn't even talking about orgasm, I was talking about feeling certain pleasure those bits are supposed to give me. It's not supposed to be just nice and pleasant, like someone is stroking your cheek and that's it.

I've been googling like mad, trying to find similar situations but couldn't find any, maybe I was using wrong key words. I finally stumbled across a term 'clitoral adhesions'at www.the-clitoris.com which seemed to explain my situation.

So after months of feeling like a freak and deffective, I decided to go and talk to my GP. I felt really awkward asking such delicate question because it's not about yeast infections or rash or discharge, but it's more personal, more emotional. But somehow I managed to talk about wetness, fantasies, my clitoris, masturbation etc. She examined me and told me she can't see my clitoris and that she will refer me to a gynaecologist. In a way I felt relief that it's not just in my head and that my paranoia was justified, but on the other hand, I started freaking out that it's something that can't be fixed.

Last week I finally had an appointment and the gyno took her time. She told me they look at the women's health as a whole, from mental to physical. Again, lots of personal details, to the point that I started to cry but she seemed to understand everything I'm talking about, and she was able to finish my sentences or find a right word for me to explain something. After she examined me (which ended up being least embarrassing part of the whole visit, heh) she told me that my inner labia is not separated completely at the top, it's stuck together and thus blocking the clitoris and that's why I don't have access to it = not feeling enough stimuli. In the end, I told her about the term 'clitoral adhesions' I found and she said 'yes, that's what I'm talking about'.

As a treatment I've got an oestrogen cream that I need to massage in every day and hopefully it will work...if not, something else could be done I guess/hope. I have a follow up visit in 2 months.

What I'm trying to say with this post...we don't get to know/be told about everything when it comes to sexuality/our body, and as most of you know already, we are all different. But apparently, not just in the way that one thing works for one, different thing for another, or how it looks; shapes, colour, sizes, sensitivity, but also in a way that things are not always so straightforward and are perhaps not always 'good to go' since day one and have to be 'fixed' or 'edited' in a way, in order to achieve full potential.

I wish I had known about it long time ago so I could fix it and avoid all the frustration I've gone through. My 2 previous gynos never told me anything so I didn't have a reason to doubt it's physical.

So if you feel something is off and you can't find a reasonable explanation, don't just suffer quietly and accept it as it is, go around, ask friends, browse internet, use communities/forums like this one.

And if your GP/gyno waves it off, ask for second opinion, be persistent, if you don't care, no one else will.

Good luck to everyone :)