(no subject)

[infiniteblue25.livejournal.com]

I remembr when I was 13 and I got my period. I told my mom and she said finally! she got hers when she was 9!!She bought me some kotex pads and spray deodorant for my "area" ( i know.. how horrible) told me to light spray the outside of my underwear No idea what she was thinking! Anyway She and I have my sisters children one being a girl that is now 10 years old. I have a feeling she's gonna get her period soon and i just wanna make it more of a loving celebration and healthy experience for her. Anyone have any ideas? I thought maybe a womyn-box with a mix of products/book/small gifts and of course I want to take her out to dinner and talk to her about it like "grown women" Any suggestions? Anything you wish your MOM would have done? Thanks in advance..

Comments

[therainqueen.livejournal.com]

My mom gave me a pretty grown-up ring.

I think literature is definitely a good idea, though. And lots of stuff to make her feel pretty. Candles or something?

[infiniteblue25.livejournal.com]

sounds good maybe ill get her a little moonstone ring? symbolic of her "moontime" I think Ill also make a "scientific" booklet with a calendar and then a "wise woman" with some proud vagina friendly stuff in it.

[therainqueen.livejournal.com]

There's an idea!

[blissedmistake.livejournal.com]

put in some tylenol!

it's really cool you're doing this for her. i would've felt more comfortable talking to an aunt closer to my age. i actually got mine at my grandma's. it was so embarassing because she lived way out in the country and we had to drive into town to get some pads. she gave me some sort of cloth pad to wear till we got some disposables.

my mom never talked to me about that sorta stuff. i remember getting some christian book about sex but nothing about periods. n school we all watched this video about how our bodies change and that was my "education" about puberty.

[infiniteblue25.livejournal.com]

yeah i remember that.. It's so embarrassing that if it had any USEFUL info you would miss it anyway. Yeha I remember my mom getting me some teen midol! I thought that was the THING!!

Re: my story!

[jessalafaye.livejournal.com]

that sounds just like my story! But I didn't tell my mom, she figured it out when pads started going missing :)

[jigglyqueen.livejournal.com]

really good idea!

some girls don't want a lot of fuss over it though, so make sure you know how she feels about it before taking her out for a meal to talk about it!

[infiniteblue25.livejournal.com]

yeah! I was kinda that way... I won't make a spectacle!! that worse than keeping it a secret I think. We already talk about it now and she's a pretty "fussy" girl who likes alot of attention and primping over her (very unlike me actually) so I think It'll be okay. I prolly won't have "the talk" during the meal that would just be celibratoryhehe.

[jigglyqueen.livejournal.com]

yeah in that case i'd go all out with the box and put loads of health and beauty products in it :) Like special soaps and things like that!

[rockstarbob.livejournal.com]

Wow, what a thoughtful idea! She's really lucky to have you.

I'd say, you know your niece and you know what you WISH would have happened for you. Go with your instincts!

[infiniteblue25.livejournal.com]

yeah. I think I have a good Idea about her personality and what I wanna do. I think I'll just take my time and keep an eye out for related little treasures and info. Im gonna definately tell her about ALL her options with products (eco-friendly and disposable) when you think about it, our options have grown SOOO much in say the last 50 years.

[rockstarbob.livejournal.com]

They really have! I only WISH I'd known about things like the Keeper when I was starting out. It would have made the whole thing a lot less traumatizing, painful, and shameful.

I'd probably give her a book of some kind. How about:

http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg/detail/-/0684842319/ref=pd_sim_books_5/102-4933602-9102507?v=glance&s=books

http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg/detail/-/081292990X/ref=ase_sanfranciscosexiA/102-4933602-9102507?v=glance&s=books

http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg/detail/-/0802774784/ref=pd_sim_books_3/102-4933602-9102507?v=glance&s=books

Just for starters. ;)

[papasfritas.livejournal.com]

How was it "painful"? :(

[rockstarbob.livejournal.com]

Changing tampons every three or four hours got to be excrutiating after about two or three days.

I'm so glad to have found the Keeper!

[papasfritas.livejournal.com]

Wha... pain? I've never had pain with tampons. :( (read: :).

My Keeper should be here in 3-10 business days. I'm scared. ;)

[appletrees.livejournal.com]

You're luck then! I could only used the "slim" tampons back when I used disposable products. All the other ones hurt too much, even on my really heavy days. Super absorbent? Fageddaboutit!

I adore my Mooncup now! No more pain.

[papasfritas.livejournal.com]

Really? I think I remember mine hurting once because it wasn't in far enough...

When I first started using one, people told me it would hurt, but it just "slid right in," and I was definitely OK with bypassing any pain. :)

[appletrees.livejournal.com]

Well, for me at least it's not about the position, it's about insertion. I'm sure if I used plastic applicators, it would be fine, but I don't want to. Everybody's different.

[stellalunatic.livejournal.com]

Wow, that is really great of you. My mom had a little bit of an awkward talk with me, but she bought be some beautiful irises when my period started.

ooh! a journal! I love giving people journals. puberty is definitely a time to keep a journal. mine, unfortunately, was not private (as in read by my parents and led to trauma) and I eventually threw them away, which I regret now.

[infiniteblue25.livejournal.com]

Oh man!! I disagree witht he snooping soo much. That IS traumatic.

[appletrees.livejournal.com]

Neat, my mom would never talk about it, so I was quite shocked when I started bleeding for the first time. I was really young (about 9 I think), and my mom didn't believe me when I told her I was bleeding! Argh.

Anyway, I would include candles and bubble bath or bath salts if you make a gift package for her. Maybe a gift certificate to a massage place. Perhaps a hot water bottle?

[infiniteblue25.livejournal.com]

im sewing flax-heating pads for all my girl friends for christmas so I think Ill just do an extra for her and put it away for the package later....

[ex-invigorat426.livejournal.com]

That's really sweet :)
I didn't get any talk or anything. I got my period, put on a pad and told my mom. When my cramps got horrible that day, I layed on the couch and moaned and cried and she went and got me heating pads.


Maybe books like "Cunt" and such, things to help her out with her period and just her self all together. I have no clue though :(

[grrlyparts.livejournal.com]

i would totally get her a Vinnie's Tampon Case and the Rollercoaster Period Chart which you can buy here: http://www.tamponcase.com/home.html

you can also get those at borders in the young adult section sometimes, it's a gift pack with a book. i think those are a great way to show girls that their periods aren't horrific and scary, not to mention the tampon cases are just super handy. Also, the GURL book put out by www.gurl.com is good stuff for young girls and it covers lots of issues from periods to masturbation to dating and school.

they also sell teen-pack types of things for girls that include smaller (narrower) tampons and literature--i've seen those at wal-mart before. maybe also (depending on how liberal you are) get her a Zine from www.sisterzeus.com or a copy of the vagina monologues which has some amazing monologues about getting your period for the first time.

she's really lucky to have you to show her all of this stuff. the whole idea is really cool to me--i almost wish i had a little sister that i could do this for. periods should be exciting and unscary passages into womanhood and i'm sure you're gonna make it a lot more exciting and comfortable for her :)

xo
katy

[bohica-susfu.livejournal.com]

Damn, I wish somebody had done that for me! I got mine when I was 13 on a road trip with my dad and my younger brother and the most I got out of it was "Damnit Meg! Can't you women control these things!?!?! WHY didn't you bring anything for this!??"

What can I say, other than for many more reasons he and I are not in touch anymore...

[stellalunatic.livejournal.com]

I am so sorry that you had to endure that sort of crap when you started. I hate it when guys sort of bury thier heads in the sand about women's anatomy and bio processes, or worse, act like creeps about it.

A guy friend once said he didn't really want to know anything about women's cycles and stuff, and I retorted that men complain when women don't give pleasing oral sex because they don't understand the anatomy, so maybe we are all better off knowing about eachother.

[finding_helena]

Blah... that's icky of them. Shoulda just bled all over their silly car. :P

[mangofandango.livejournal.com]

My mom gave me and my sister an awkward talk before it happened. Hardly worth it, really, since she told me things like "you probably won't even feel it if you're not paying attention" and stuff like that that turned out to be very untrue, and was very obviously uncomfortable. My sister cried when she got hers, maybe because of the way my mom made her feel about it, I don't know. I shook all over the place and felt weird and awkward.

My mother gave me a "maiden bracelet", I think she may have gotten it from the Chinaberry catalog (chinaberry.com ?). It had handmade beads, red to symbolize menstruation and womanhood, white to symbolize purity and "maidenhood" (read: virginity :P), and black to symbolize the wisdom of old age. I knew my mom didn't really want me to grow up though, so it didn't make me feel good about getting older or becoming a woman or any of that. I kind of liked it though, and if you give her something like that or talk about her getting older, make sure you do it in a positive, excited sense (this might seem obvious, I don't know, it really wasn't to my mother).

I really liked "The Period Book". I got it from the library, adn I thought it was great. It was written by a 15-year old girl, i think, and her aunt. Very chatty, playful, cartoony, but also period-positive.

Maybe offer to get her a set of cloth pads (I love the night ones most) or another type of protection of her choice after you've told her what all her options are. I would say a cup would be good, but when you're a 13-year-old virgin they might be difficult, i don't know. but yeah, that's something to think about.

you're awfully nice to do this for her. good for you. :) i hope it all goes well and she comes out of it feeling great about her period. :)

[medbsbraid.livejournal.com]

I LOVE the period book!!

[clydiebaby.livejournal.com]

How cute. My mom kinda did this for me. One of the best things she added were little "one application" packets of KY. It made learning how to use tampons MUCH easier! She also added a bunch of chocolate bars to feed any cravings :P

[infiniteblue25.livejournal.com]

oh cool! yeah I remember trying to get in a flat top cardboard tampax ouch! took a while to figure out!

[kamalea.livejournal.com]

That is just a phenomenal idea. We had our training thing in school - 5th grade, I think - & got that "teen" package from them; we kept it under the sink in the kids bathroom. When it happened, it was traumatic in terms of me wearing white pants at school & getting teased awfully. That, and I had horrific cramps every damned month. My mom was very kind about it, and loving, and my dad/brother didn't bug me too much. But it never felt like the rite of passage openly that it did to me internally. I think what you're doing is really terrific. As others have said, every girl is different & you know your niece best. Definitely the box with info/books, definitely some kind of jewelry/memento gift (the moonstone ring is a neat idea, so is the gem bracelet). I think I would also make it time to talk about some of the other rites of passage - shaving, make-up (maybe let her wear some tinted lip gloss and clear mascara when you go out to dinner?), masturbating ... the things we all struggled through around that age. So exciting to let her know that those aspects of growing up are exciting. But I would DEFINITELY get her OBOS above all else; more answers in there than she will hopefully ever need.

It's a little bit of a tangent, but what about information about masturbation? According to my diaries, 10 is when I started masturbating (I even drew pictures!). Knowing that for years I used a marker (eeww, I know), I would really have loved to have had one of the little mini-dildos or vibrators you can get...

[infiniteblue25.livejournal.com]

well, she already shaves and wears a LITTLE makeup from time to time, wears a bra ect thats why I think her "dot"as she calls it is gonna get here soon.. Yeah I know my mom NEVER talked to me about masturbation. We don't have talks about it now even though she has mentioned it " I masterbate every six months wether i need it or not, hahahah" she's silly. I will definitely look for some books on the subject and mention to her that everyone does it and it's a perfectly natural, healthy,private activity.

[euphonism.livejournal.com]

why did you substitute a Y for O in "women"?

anyway. i wish my mom would've talked to me BEFORE i saw blood in my panties. sure, i got the typical in-class learning, but it's nice to hear it from a grown womAn without a bunch of giggly sixth graders around. really, things were kept rather private in my household...i never got any "talks." just a box of pads and told not to wear tampons as apparently my dad did a study on them and found them to KILL PEOPLE! aha

[iliad-communes.livejournal.com]

She substituted a y for the a in "woman," actually. It's a fairly common way of differentiating woman-positive communities from the possible language-based assumption that a woman is just a modified man.

[emerald87418.livejournal.com]

even though MEN carry the Y chromosome. see, that's what confuses me.

[oh-so-quiet.livejournal.com]

when my daughter gets her period, i'll celebrate with her. probably take her to a spa. buy her a kit of everything she needs; some cloth pads, some chamomile or raspberry leaf tea, a few books, a heating pad. stuff like that. have a talk with her about what menstruation is about, and how it's something that she can be proud of instead of something taboo. :)

[fearer-of-raven.livejournal.com]

when I first got my period my mom was taking a defensive driving course online and pushing her deadline, so when i went to tell her i got a "not right now" I dont think she had even heard what i said to her in the first place. We had talked about it though so I knew what to do and had a stash of slim fit tampons. it took me acouple tries to get it in right but i got it and told her the next day. I wish circumstances had been a bit different but we talked more about it later and everything was fine.

[ex-alongthe.livejournal.com]

Make a cake with rasberry jam between the layers and draw a nice cunt on top.

[infiniteblue25.livejournal.com]

ha!

[finding_helena]

An acquaintance of mine has lesbian moms, so she grew up in a very woman-positive household. She said that when she started her period, her moms took her out to a restaurant AND ANNOUNCED TO EVERYONE that she had just gotten her period. Quelle embarassment. I'd recommend not doing that.

My mom just handed me pads and treated me like it was normal, which was pretty nice. I wish we'd had a bit more of an open dialogue about it, mostly so I could have asked her a couple of years later when I tried to go for tampons. Basically, having it as a topic of conversation is good.

I unexpectedly got to be the one to initiate a nine-year-old camper a couple of summers ago. As I recall, I handed her some pads and said "Welcome to the sisterhood, it gets boring after a while." And answered her questions the next day about whether she could still go in swimming.

[begraven.livejournal.com]

I remember feeling so proud and awed when I started. Then I went to tell my mom and she just looked at me and sighed. I don't remember much else other than a really difficult discussion with her.

Now, I am pagan and plan to give my girl a "Rite of Passage." I know that my friend did this for her daughter and it was the most wonderful experience for both of them and brought them closer. I wasn't at the Rite, so I don't know the what occured.

I will look and see if I can find the ritual. Here it is if you are interested: http://www.sacredwheel.org/windsword/bls/rtcomage.html

Here are some other good links for coming of age ideas:
http://www.yoni.com/maiden.shtml
http://www.wmm.com/girlsproject/c556.htm (movie documentary of a navajo coming of age ritual)
http://www.uuworld.org/2002/04/feature3.html (a womans story about her daughters coming of age )

I have plenty more links for pagan rituals, so if you want those, I'll post those on my journal begraven Just thought I'd be considerate of those who aren't interested `;~)

[infiniteblue25.livejournal.com]

wow. thanks.

[foreverlost18.livejournal.com]

i think it's a great idea that you are willing ot be so open iwth her. i wish my mom had. form what i remember, my mom just bought me a box of pads and told me things get better and stuff. she told me about the cramps and stuff, but not a whole lot. i didn't find out a lot of stuff till i was..wow..16 or so, that's when i started to use tampons. periods/sex/anyhting of that nature, were not talked about in my house.
but i dunno if this might be an issue or not, but i do know that a lot of girls get kinda defense and embarrassed when they are about to have their periods (or are having them) so you might wanna keep that in mind.