Things aren't black and white. Sexuality is fluid. A lot (a LOT) of people are not 100% straight, but they never indulge in or explore the thoughts or feelings they have towards the same sex, and therefore identify as straight. Some have the courage to think about it, which sounds like what you are doing now, and others go a step further and actually act on it or otherwise really take this new-found awareness into their lives.
This is hard, though, and can include a lot of risk-taking, because most of us are raised in a heteronormative world were any sort of same-sex attraction is often coded as "wrong" or "bad". Thankfully this is changing, and a lot of people can have great lives as queer, but it would be naive to assume that getting there is equally easy for everyone.
The thing to remember, is that there is no *right* answer. You don't need to figure out right now whether you're straight or gay. You probably aren't one or the other. It's also entirely possible that even though your current relationship were to end soon, you might still want to continue dating guys, or even if you dated girls for a few years you'd want to go back to guys for a while, or mix it up... and the stigma against bisexuals? total bs. Those who believe that are still operating within a gender binary, where you can be either straight or gay, which is absolutely ridiculous, and that should definitely not be enough of a reason to keep you from exploring this side of yourself. Really, the idea that "you're not gay enough" is something that people have to learn to let go of. For example, I've called myself a lesbian for 5 years now, and have exclusively dated girls for this time, although I dated guys before that. But now I think I would like to try to date a guy again... and it almost seems like that is more of a big deal to others than coming out in the first place was! That was like "oh, you're realised you're gay, congrats!" but it's like I only get one chance... "what, you already used your card! you can't change *again*!" which is again, ridiculous, because if *I*'m okay with it, why shouldn't others be. I never said I was 100% gay... anyway, this is getting too long.
So basically, it's time to do some soul searching! Try to think about what *you* want, rather than what others or what society would want you to do. Because let's face it, society is all about putting us into boxes that may or may not work for us. :)
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Date: 2010-02-07 08:31 am (UTC)This is hard, though, and can include a lot of risk-taking, because most of us are raised in a heteronormative world were any sort of same-sex attraction is often coded as "wrong" or "bad". Thankfully this is changing, and a lot of people can have great lives as queer, but it would be naive to assume that getting there is equally easy for everyone.
The thing to remember, is that there is no *right* answer. You don't need to figure out right now whether you're straight or gay. You probably aren't one or the other. It's also entirely possible that even though your current relationship were to end soon, you might still want to continue dating guys, or even if you dated girls for a few years you'd want to go back to guys for a while, or mix it up... and the stigma against bisexuals? total bs. Those who believe that are still operating within a gender binary, where you can be either straight or gay, which is absolutely ridiculous, and that should definitely not be enough of a reason to keep you from exploring this side of yourself. Really, the idea that "you're not gay enough" is something that people have to learn to let go of. For example, I've called myself a lesbian for 5 years now, and have exclusively dated girls for this time, although I dated guys before that. But now I think I would like to try to date a guy again... and it almost seems like that is more of a big deal to others than coming out in the first place was! That was like "oh, you're realised you're gay, congrats!" but it's like I only get one chance... "what, you already used your card! you can't change *again*!" which is again, ridiculous, because if *I*'m okay with it, why shouldn't others be. I never said I was 100% gay... anyway, this is getting too long.
So basically, it's time to do some soul searching! Try to think about what *you* want, rather than what others or what society would want you to do. Because let's face it, society is all about putting us into boxes that may or may not work for us. :)