telling parents

[shear-bliss.livejournal.com]

I'm not sure if this is the right place to do this, but I'm at a loss and this community has been a great place for me to come when I needed help.

I found out today that I'm pregnant. I want to have a medical abortion and I've done the research, I know what's involved.

I just have no idea to tell my parents about it. I think they'll support my decision, but I just don't know how to phrase the words.
Any advice?

EDIT:
I told my mother today and she was amazing.
She supported my decision and respected me because I took the initiative to do my own research.

Thanks to all of you for your advice.

Comments

[cathubodva.livejournal.com]

I'd like to point you in the direction of abortioninfo, which is a wonderfully supportive community especially for this topic.

Best of luck.

[macabre.livejournal.com]

Just as a side note, abortioninfo is a good place to ask questions about abortion and such. They are very helpful and non judgmental.

But on to your question, are you sure you want to tell them? Because if you are uncomfortable with it, you don't have to. It's definitely your decision either way. When I had my abortion, I was just very straightforward with my parents. I sat them down, told them I was pregnant, and what I was going to do.

From there, we went step by step.

[shear-bliss.livejournal.com]

Yes, I want to tell them.
a] because I really can't afford an abortion on my own.
b] because I'm always up front with them about things in my life and I don't feel I can hide it.

Thank you for your advice.

[macabre.livejournal.com]

No problem. I wish you good luck.

[shyshutterbug.livejournal.com]

First off - thirding the rec of abortioninfo. Amazing comm, that.

Secondly, I will reiterate macabre's point that you don't have to tell them. According to your profile, you're 18, and therefore they don't have to be in the picture whatsoever, at least from a legal perspective. (If you'll be doing the medical process in their presence, medically speaking it's probably a good idea to let them know what's up.)

But if you do want to tell them - and this is a personal opinion coming from someone who's never had to have this conversation with her family, so take it with a grain - I would be very upfront with them. Make sure they understand it's hard for you to tell them, but you love them/feel they should know/want their support/value their input/insert pat phrase here. Let them know that you have weighed your choices and made this decision based not only on your research but on your circumstances. If you go into the conversation with maturity and a willingness to hear what they have to say, good and bad (they will have valid and valued opinions, but yours is the one with the power to make a decision!), I'll bet things would go smoothly.

Good luck, dear :)

[if-by-sea.livejournal.com]

I would be honest and upfront about it and be firm about what YOU want to do about it and your feelings on the matter. Good luck.

Maintainer Note - Reminder for Commenters

[jocelina.livejournal.com]

OP, thank you for trusting VP enough to come here for help. We're honored to have you, and we hope you receive kind thoughts and lots of helpful advice.

Commenters: We'd like to remind you all of VP's rules (http://www.vaginapagina.com/index.php?title=VaginaPagina_FAQ), specifically with regard to abortion debate in VP on LJ:

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Click here (http://www.vaginapagina.com/index.php?title=VaginaPagina_FAQ#What_is_VP.27s_position_on_abortion.3F) to read more.

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[paperflowers16.livejournal.com]

just in case you dont want to tell them, maybe check out planned parenthood. some clinics have abortion services and maybe they can work with you on payments or something? i dont know if their rates are any different. good luck

[jocelina.livejournal.com]

I would sit down someplace where you'll all be comfortable, and let them know that you have something important to tell them and that you're counting on their support.

Then just let them know what you've told us -- that you've found out that you're pregnant, and have done some research and figured out that medical abortion is the best option for you. They might have questions about the procedure, so be ready to answer those, or maybe to point them in the direction of printed or online resources if they're the type who prefer to read up on things themselves (or if it would be more comfortable for you to do things that way).

I hope everything goes well -- if you have any other questions, we're here to help. :)

[archangelbeth]

I would sit down someplace where you'll all be comfortable, and let them know that you have something important to tell them and that you're counting on their support.

Yes, this. Worst comes to worst... Write a letter. You can use it as a script/prompt for yourself, or just hand it to them if it's too hard to say the words.

Good luck.

[pocochina.livejournal.com]

Regardless of whether you decide to tell your parents, the NNAF (http://www.nnaf.org/) may be able to help you with payment; also, as someone above suggested, many PPs are able to work on a sliding scale.

Good luck.

[mud-faerie.livejournal.com]

When I was in this situation, I wanted to tell them for weeks but found it incredibly hard to build up the courage, even though I knew they'd support me.
In the end, it got to the point where I simply HAD to tell them due to timing - I couldn't leave it any longer. I ended up bursting into tears over dinner one evening(!) and couldn't even say the words - they ended up having to play the guessing game. Luckily parents (usually) aren't stupid and they got it after a couple of questions. They asked me what I wanted to do and I said I wanted a termination, and from there on they were (luckily, I know) extremely fantastic. They let me be in control of the whole process but did not judge and both came along with me to the clinic
All I can really say is, sit them down and try to be as calm and rational as possible. Obviously, I didn't manage to do that though :o) I think when you actually get to the point of telling them, it's just going to come out however it comes out, regardless of any script you've got in your head or whatever.
Good luck sweetie, I hope it works out okay.

[kuni-bob.livejournal.com]

I seriously teared up a little bit when I read your edit. Go, your mom!! I'm glad she was very supportive. Congrats to you for having the guts to be up front about it. Good luck!