HPV and breast lumps.

[imeowface.livejournal.com]

Hello lovely VP friends. I'm not sure if this is relevant, but I hope you guys can offer some advise.

One of my dear friends lost her virginity to a guy she thought she would be with forever. Unfortunately, he gave her HPV, and they have since broken up. She made him get tested for all STDs before they had sex, but there is currently no HPV test for males. On top of that, my friend discovered a few lumps in her breast. She recently had surgery to remove the lumps, but I don't know how her surgery went because I've been terrified to call her. I feel so selfish and like I'm being a horrible friend, but I have no idea how to help her through this situation. I want to be there for her. I just don't know how. I've been reading the success stories you guys post her, but my friend is so devastated about her situation. How can I help her?

Comments

[http://users.livejournal.com/__recidivist/]

I mean this in the kindest way possible: if you want to help her, get over yourself and call her. It isn't about you right now. It is about your friend going through a tough time. In order to help her, you might need to shelve your feelings for long enough to go over with a pint of ice cream and a movie. It's okay that what your friend is going through feels scary and overwhelming for you, but it probably feels a lot worse for her, and she could really use someone right now. It sounds like you're already upset that that's not you. So get over there.

[imeowface.livejournal.com]

Thanks. I think I just needed a virtual kick in the butt. Unfortunately, we don't live in the same city anymore, but I gave her a call and hopefully she'll call back soon. I wish I could just go over there, give her a big hug, and help her through this!

[hallwayjulie.livejournal.com]

It doesn't matter that you don't know how to be there for her. What's going to be most important to her is that you're there, period. That's what she needs, and that's what she'll remember. Sometimes being a good friend is just about your presence and availability. Good luck!

[imeowface.livejournal.com]

Thank you for this encouragement. I just want to help my friend! I hope I can.

[melodic-lyrics.livejournal.com]

Please don't take this as being rude - but why are you devestated for her? Because she has HPV, or just the overall situation? If the lumps in her breast have been taken out, and she's on the path to recovery that's wonderful. You should share her joy in that.

As far as HPV goes?...as long as she's getting regular papsmears to see how it is affecting her cervix, it's really not a big deal. I hate to put it that way, but I've had HPV. about 50% of all sexually active young people have it, and about 80% of the population will have had it before they die. HPV is the most common STI, and while there is no cure, most women (70%) are able to clear the disease on their own in 2 years. The other 30% are women who probably will have to get further procedures done (colposcopies, leep surgery, cryo, etc).

As long as you come at her with facts and support I see no reason to avoid calling her. She probably needs the support of a good friend.

And I'm not sure if it was implied, but the lumps in her breast likely have nothing to do with HPV.

Now, go call her. See if she wants to hang out or go to the mall. Sometimes being supportive doesn't mean you have to call and "talk about it"...cause she might not want to. Don't treat her differently than you would've before, people don't like being pitied.

[atalanta0jess.livejournal.com]

You can help her by calling her up. Say "Hey, how did your surgery go?" Ask what's going on with her. Tell her what's going on with you. If she's freaked about the HPV, share some facts with her (e.g. how prevalent it is, that it doesn't cause problems for most people, etc.)

Help her by letting her know that you're her friend and that you're available to listen if she needs it.

Its ok to say "I don't really know what to say, but I wanted you to know that I'm thinking of you."