PMS-EMOTIONAL-boyfriend doesn't believe it

[earthstone.livejournal.com]

i get extremely emotional right around the time of my period. i have mood swings, get sad, angry, and cry alot. this is not something i can control or change when it happens.
my boyfriend seems to think otherwise. he says there is no such thing as PMS and i should just deal with it. he says it is just a way women can be angry at other people and justify it. i know there are cases that women can be deceitful, and use this as an excuse, just as men can be deceitful, but i am not talking about these few instances.
over all, do you get PMS? how does your significant other handle/ feel about it?

(i am trying to bring it up with him without being too emotional and defensive.)

Comments

[lunderpope.livejournal.com]

I'm exactly the same way. At first, it just seemed to my boyfriend like we were fighting and that I was just being a bitch for no reason. But when he saw that I would start crying for no reason (a dialoge which usually goes like this BF:What's wrong? Me: I don't know... BF:Cmon...what's wrong?? Me: I HAVE ABSOLUTELY NO IDEA!) and that my period would start a couple days later, he put two and two together. I wish to god that I didn't have pms, because it makes me think that I am completely nuts for about 5 days straight! Tell your fella that this isn't a plot by the IWC (International Women's Conspiracy), and that it's really just hormones. Throw in a copy of "My Body, My Self" and you should be set.

[earthstone.livejournal.com]

i know i know!!! i have said my hormones really do change! but his head is too thick.

[violet-tigress1.livejournal.com]

my boyfriend seems to think otherwise. he says there is no such thing as PMS and i should just deal with it. he says it is just a way women can be angry at other people and justify it.

So... why is he still your boyfriend?

[earthstone.livejournal.com]

this is a reason to break up with someone? i love him. we live together. we have a great relationship.
he is NOT A WOMEN AND DOESNT UNDERSTAND HORMONES. thats why i posted. so i could figure out a way to talk to him about it.

[revolte-avecmoi.livejournal.com]

uh. punch him in the face.
haha, sorry, that isn't really constructive. tell him to do some research before he voices his completely ridiculous (and incorrect) opinions.

[earthstone.livejournal.com]

i have anxiety too. its difficult.

[1337chix0r.livejournal.com]

Meh, my SO just comforts me. PMS is real. Hormones are real. Maybe you should pull up information on the net about it & show him. Also, I'd shoot this back at him "You're not a woman, you don't have the hormones we do, so you have NO clue wtf its like."

[imindiaunajones.livejournal.com]

Well, it's not as if PMS is this big "myth" or anything like that and it's a completely legitimate occurrence. That said, I certainly know my fair share of females who will use those couple of days before starting their period to be as mean/upset/etc as they can be -- whether or not they may actually be feeling that way is an entirely different story. I wouldn't be surprised if your boyfriends misconceptions stem from pop culture references about PMSing women.

I feel for you though. My ex couldn't understand why I just wasn't sexually charged 2 out of 4 weeks in the month. I had been on HBC ever since we had gotten together -- it was just the way it was. I really didn't feel like having sex after taking my pills for a week, and that feeling usually lingered for a while. He'd get angry about it, we would bicker about it from time to time (I guarantee you, we never had make-up sex on the subject, haha), but we dealt with it.

I never really had many issues with PMS though

[shellymonsta.livejournal.com]

I suffer really badly from PMS I must admit. There is one day a month when I will be the most evil insane nasty person towards my hubby and then the next day I'll be a blubbering mess who won't stop cleaning and feeling guilty about everything from the banana's not being ripe yet to the car needing a wash (yes I am THAT insane).

He tends to cope by humouring me, hugging me and telling me its Ok and he loves me but he is a super softy and was the one that pointed out the fact that I seem 'sensative' about 4 days before my period.

Just a warning though, for me it gets MUCH worse during pregnancy so good luck with that in the future lol!

[lust-lizard86.livejournal.com]

GAH! I know exactly what that's like. My bf thinks it's bs too. But I think he's starting to catch on. I don't think I get exceptionally bitchy, but I do get really emotional, and everything makes me cry. So, everytime the sobbing starts when I hear an emotional song, I point out that it's PMS.

"See! Right here, staring you in the face. I don't always cry to the Wicked soundtrack. Just when I'm PMSing."

I think it's sinking in.

[michigan-loverz.livejournal.com]

It's very real and as much as he doesn't want to believe it, we as women would rather it not happen to us at all.

My husband doesn't understand it and honestly I've stopped trying to explain it to him. He knows that I just need to get through it and I'll be ok in a few days. I do however know when it's approaching and warn him. He appreciates that more and more each month :)

here's a site

[1madgirl.livejournal.com]

http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/premenstrual-syndrome/DS00134/DSECTION=2

I'm a logic demon, so I like to beat down accusations like this with factual presentation.

While some dispute the psychological components of PMS, the biological aspects are hard to explain without acknowledging it as a valid issue.

If he still doesn't agree, he can have my monthly acne, bloating, and mood swings. ;)

[toshfraggle.livejournal.com]

Watch Oprah with him. Cry. If that's not proof I don't know what is.
But if this guy honestly thinks that women are manipulative with PMS, and that you are specifically, then it might be worth re-evaluating the relationship. If you stay with him long term and got married, is he also somebody that would think Post partum depression isn't real? That taking care of a baby/house isn't stressful? That balancing a job and kids is easy? (and that's all from listening to guys who say the same thing...)

[onehundredmoons.livejournal.com]

Is your BF a technical sort? Maybe he would appreciate reading something a bit scientific about how hormones are at work during a woman's cycle. Or perhaps some reading from a respected source just acknowledging that PMS exists, like this (http://www.womenshealth.gov/faq/pms.htm)? That's not a great link, but you get the idea.

Other than that, it sounds like a real communication issue between the two of you if he's disregarding your very real feelings as something you chalk up for the heck of it. I don't reckon he would like it if you treated him in this way. Perhaps you can make it clear that it's hurtful when he accuses you of using it as an "excuse"?

I used to get horrible mood swings back when I was on the pill. After my husband lived with me for long enough, he would have been a fool to think I was making it up. ;) Perhaps your BF should talk to some other women about this, too? Female friends, sisters, etc?

Good luck!

[oh-killer-tofu.livejournal.com]

well i'm on the other end of this. i dont experience much of anything related to pms execpt breast tenderness and acne and my boyfriend sometimes uses pms as an excuse as to why i'm upset about something.

just last week, about 3 days after my period had stopped... he did something that made me mad and then while i was mad he told me something like you're not really mad it's just pms. and my reaction is always... no i'm pissed off because you did something fucked up! this pisses me off possibly more than anything else i can think of because he is discrediting my feelings and saying that they are not legitimate and at any other time of the month i wouldnt be reacting this way even though my period was over...

so basically my feeling about pms is dont bring it up. how about overall there just needs to be an understanding that sometimes women can be more emotional about certain things and that it doesnt matter what time of the month it is. our boyfriends/SOs just need to be more understanding of our emotions period!

[hexvenus.livejournal.com]

I get wicked pms, I'm more emotionally unstable than normal.

My partner is "ALWAYS cheating on me", when I have PMS. He really ISN'T but I imagine he is. I always feel worst about myself during PMS, generally starts 2-3 days before my period and encludes the first day of my period then disappears.

[lunderpope.livejournal.com]

"My partner is "ALWAYS cheating on me", when I have PMS. He really ISN'T but I imagine he is"

UGH ME TOOOO

[morbid-mistress.livejournal.com]

I have pretty bad PMS. There is plenty of research out there to indicate that it certainly is real. I never experienced it at all until I went on birth control, now it's a monthly horror :/ I wish I didn't have it! (I'm trying different birth control pills in order to lessen it) So, certainly I wouldn't make it up in order to feel sad for a week.

I think you just need to show your bf the research out there and explain to him that you aren't making that up. Also, he really should trust you and not just think you'd lie about something like that in order to be mean for a week :/ I realize a lot of people have misconceptions, but it's time for him to grow up and understand hormonal changes. That's not a woman being mean, that's science.

My SO is very understanding about it, and does whatever he can to make me feel better. However, he's well educated about women's health issues as well.

[rose-yuille.livejournal.com]

Wow, I'd be really tempted to kick him in the nutsac for that. Like someone above pointed out, it sounds like he thinks you're actively MAKING IT UP in an excuse to be mean to him...paranoid much?

Whilst I'm certainly not advocating that you end the relationship on the strength of this, he should certainly understand that he's being an arse, and that saying stuff like that is hurtful. Also that he's WRONG! It seems a bit rough that you should have to prove that it exists to him, when everyone else in the world knows that it does. Tell him not to talk to you about it again until he's brought you cast iron proof that he's right. He won't be able to find any :)

Good luck!

[frecklestars.livejournal.com]

Your icon rocks my world. :P

[fantasmicalidea.livejournal.com]

I get PMS too and my boyfriend is really understanding about it. I just have problems with one of my girl friends believing that PMS is real because she's never had to experience as far as she says. She holds about the same opinion as your boyfriend does of it.

[tsukichibi.livejournal.com]

Off topic... LUNA! Icon love. Such a sad scene... :(

[emilia-romagna.livejournal.com]

PMS can be viewed as a medical diagnosis that subordinates the thoughts/feelings/emotions of menstruating women - if you feel any kind of negative feeling (anger, sadness, anything) for two weeks before or after your period, which, for an average 28 day cycle is pretty much all of it, it can be attributed to PMS. Like, "Dude, why is that chick so pissed even though all I did was x stupid thing?" "She must be PMSing". Makes it easier to dismiss "irrational" female emotions. Women as well as men can use this negatively on other women, as your boyfriend said, and is supported by the fact that its an actual medical diagnosis.

That being said, that doesn't actually make him right. Yeah, hormonal fluctuations exist, and they absolutely affect the way that you feel, and can sometimes seem irrational or extreme. This shouldn't devalue how you feel, nor should others disregard your feelings (not that he has). I suffer from PMS right before and during my period, with depression and mad cravings for Robert's Pirate's Booty.

Hormones can do crazy things to your (or any woman's!) mood, and unfortunately that fact of life can get used incorrectly. Basically, I think your boyfriend should chill and bring you tissues or your choice of food therapy for those irrational moments to show how supportive and loving he is :)

[mylittlebox.livejournal.com]

Feel free to send him to wikipedia to do some research. Or drop some medical journals in his lap. For that matter, have him look up PMDD.

Also try explaining that hormones are like drugs, so in the way that someone who takes PCP is not in control of their actions, women who are PMSing also have difficulty controlling their emotions. But I have the feeling your SO will just roll his eyes and tell you that you're exaggerating.

For me, this would be an absolute dealbreaker. He doesn't care enough about you to consider that your feelings are valid, or that you have a legitimate problem. This speaks to me of being self-obsessed and self-assured. Maybe I'm wrong and he has redeeming qualities, but this is not a good sign in how he regards you as a person.

[indis-earfalas.livejournal.com]

Hah. PMS isn't real? Even my kids have noticed it ... and it's gotten worse as I've got older.

My 10 year son old randomly told me, not that long ago, that when his sister gets periods he's going to get a job and move out - because between the two of us, "it's going to be a war zone in this house!"

LOL.

Actually, some of the worst fights I've had with the BoyThing have been while I'm pms-ing ... and then its like, 3 days later and I'm head-desking to the nth degree. He's good value though - according to him, if I'm only saying it the week before I'm due then he's not going to pay much attention ... if I'm saying it all the time, then its something we've got to have a sit-down about.

[untstuntstgirl.livejournal.com]

My boyfriend tries his hardest to be understanding and sympathetic with me when I'm being moody because of my period.

Sometimes, I am just nasty just because I don't feel good. He brings it to my attention when I am. Sometimes I get defensive, but sometimes I realize he's right, and I apologize and try to be nicer, despite how crummy I feel.

I have a very understanding boyfriend. It takes a lot from me to push him to the point that he can't tollerate me anymore and he starts being nasty back.

If your boyfriend doesn't believe you, find some reliable sources to prove it to him. If he refuses to believe you, then it kind of sounds to me like he's being a bit sexist...and determined to continue.

[starship.livejournal.com]

Hm, I certainly don't make up the way I feel around my period. I feel incredibly sorry for my boyfriend. I'm always snapping at him and then apologizing for being in a bad mood. During and around my period, I feel so unreasonably angry that when someone coughs it annoys me.

I always offer him the option to not be around me when I'm like that, but he never accepts.

Perhaps show him this post and all the comments?

[tsukichibi.livejournal.com]

I definitely get PMS, unfortunately. It would be so nice to be one of those girls who doesn't have to deal with it. I get the severe mood swings, irritability, crying, and occasionally depression. It is so irritating, because I'll be cheerful one minute and then crying or pissed the next. My symptoms are more emotional than physical [probably because I get cramps during my period *sigh*]. I don't think you could make up a mood swing like that, lol.

:-/ I hope your boyfriend starts appreciating our point of view soon. As rotten as PMS can be, it's a million times worse when you've got some jerk going "PMS isn't real" [not to say your SO is a jerk...].

Incidentally, if I was in a bad mood and someone said, "Oh stop PMSing.." I honestly think I would hit him, and I'm not a violent person.

[dayglow.livejournal.com]

My boyfriend pretty much rocks when it comes to dealing with me and PMS. My symptoms aren't bad, but the Thursday (and sometimes Wednesday) before my period shows up on Saturday, I am a wreck. Usually I don't even realize what's going on or why I'm crying/feeling stupid over more-or-less nothing until my boyfriend says, 'Look, hon, you're going to be bleeding this weekend, it's nothing. Don't cry'.

I don't think I would get into a relationship in the first place with someone who has the attitude of your boyfriend, so I'm no help there.

[mari-mac1109.livejournal.com]

Ugh, that totally sucks. I would try to set him down the week or so after your period (when PMS and period suck aren't going to be an "issue") and calmly explain to him that this is how you feel. If he doesn't believe it, ask him to watch you for a few months. If he doesn't really notice a pattern, write down how you feel/pains/bloat/etc on a little calendar and show him. Say, "Okay. See, this is how I felt this week, and then in a few days, I had my period! This is called PMS and it's due to what's going on hormonally in my body leading up to my period."

As other posters have said, show him some medical sources, as well.

And, if that doesn't work, tell him, "Well, I'm going to mysteriously get sick/achy/depressed/anxious once every month. Sorry! Since I'm so sick, you should probably bring me a cup of tea and give me a massage."

I get pretty emotionally shitty PMS. It hits and I feel *worthless*, fat, like a total failure and like everything is going to start falling down around me. My best friend (who is male) finally started saying (when I routinely get like this. Like NOW), "I am going to remove your ovaries, woman!" And then we split a brownie and it's a bit better. :)

Good luck! Hopefully your partner will understand that it's not like you *want* to feel this way.