Fears of the first visit

[orangecat1.livejournal.com]

I'm 24 and have never been to the gyno. And I'd be perfectly happy with not going now, except that I haven't had my period for 3 months. So I figured I really need to suck it up and go because there might be something wrong.

Basically I have the normal, everyday fears, "will she think my vagina is weird?",  "do I need to shave?",  "will that giant speculum hurt like the dickens?" etc. etc.

I also worry about inappropriate lubrication. I'm usually always wet, doesn't take much at all and I worry that it'll happen during the exam which would be embarrassing.

Then there's my biggest fear, which is that the doc will think I'm totally pathetic for still being a virgin. I know it shouldn't matter what she thinks, I don't know her. However that doesn't make it any less worrisome for me. It's not like I'm waiting for marriage or anything, I just haven't dated any guys I like enough to sleep with yet.

See, I'm even trying to justify myself to you all and I don't even know you either. lol

Anyway, my fears are many, and I've put this appointment off for longer than I should have. I'd really appreciate any suggestions on how to overcome this, or any words of wisdom from you gals that have been there.

I'm just generally a basket case even thinking about this visit. I don't like the idea of some stranger poking around down there.

Comments

[mari-mac1109.livejournal.com]

Your doctor does this for a living. I'm sure it'd be pretty hard to surprise her--he or she has probably seen it all! I wouldn't worry about the lubrication problem. The doctor will be wearing a glove with some lube on it, so it'll be a lube party down there anyway. :) Plus, vaginas have discharge regularly. I mean, mine oozes several tablespoons of egg whitey discharge every month. Fluids are supposed to be down there, and I'm sure your gyno won't make anything of it.

If you're worried about the speculum, you can requet that a smaller, children's, speculum be used for the exam. For me a regular speculum was only slightly uncomfortable and I was a virgin when I had my first exam too!

And she totally won't think you're pathetic for being a virgin. :) Everyone becomes sexually active on their own timing and there is absolutely nothing wrong with being a virgin! I'd wager a bet that your gyno sees at least a few patients who are much older than you are and haven't had sex and maybe even don't plan to.

And, you can explain to her that it's your first time and I'm sure she'll take the procedure slowly and explain everything to you.

If she acts unprofessional in anyway and validates your worries, I would find another gynocologist.

Good luck!

[tenna.livejournal.com]

I definitely agree with everything that has been said here! There is simply nothing to worry about. :)

[reijigin.livejournal.com]

I second that someone who looks at vaginas for a living has seen EVERYTHING, and you'd have to do something pretty fantastic to surprise them.

I think your gyno might be surprised in a good way to have a patient who's waiting it out like that, too ;)

Don't feel pathetic for still being a virgin! I did the same thing and it was definitely worth it. There's no "right" way to do it, it's just your preference.

I'm going to my first appointment in a week, too! I'm really nervous for the same reasons, but I know it'll be fine. I'm going to Planned Parenthood so I know they'll be really kind. The lady on the phone was really sweet, too.

What everyone else is saying....

[incarnated-joy.livejournal.com]

I really really doubt your gyno will not have seen it before :) Vaginas/vulvas come in all shapes, sizes and colours, and I can guarantee your doc will have seen just about all of them :P

Also shaving is entirely up to you. My first ever visit I was in the uncomfortable stages of regrowth which mean it was irritated looking, my doc pointed it out and said "you should moisturise more, I use this stuff..." the second time I didn't have time to wax/shave and she didn't say anything except to comment on how my skin looked less irritated, did I try that solution she recommended lol.

And if you are scared of the speculum, ask for a small one. I used the normal one my first time and I was still a virgin at the time. It made me jump and squeal a bit but after that wasn't so bad, second time I asked for a smaller one (still a virgin) and it was much better, hardly felt a thing.

An as someone who is also usually very wet it doesn't matter, its part of your normal body secretions, it it kinda makes it easier for things going in. I know my own doc uses lubricant on the glove so they don't want you to be uncomfortable and dry.

And he/she will by NO MEANS think you are weird for being a virgin. It actually makes their job easier :P less things to test for) but your doctor doesn't judge. Its their job to look after the health of your vagina, virgin or no and they know that everyone is different :)

Good luck with!

[marijke-rose.livejournal.com]

I've had a few exams (I'm 28, now, I was 18 when I had my first), and I've had two pregnancies, soo.. here is what I have to say based on my experiences:

I was the same way, actually, except not ashamed of being a virgin. And a doctor should not be caring about that except in regards to how being sexually active can effect your health. What I mean is that she should not be judging you at all. And it is almost completely unlikely she'll even know if you choose not to tell her (I lied about my status because my mom was standing right there, and my doctor couldn't tell - note: I do NOT recommend lying about this - I, myself, 'fessed up at my next exam a year later).


I was so scared of the whole thing, even though I'd read about the proceedure in detail through various teen magazines. I waited until I ended up with a raging yeast infection before I finaly went. It was terrible! I was in Utah (I was working there, so living there temporarily) and called my mom who lived in Idaho (all in all, about 4 hours away).. the drive back to Idaho was EXCRUCIATING (I didn't want to go to a doctor there because I didn't know any.. my mom knew of a doctor in Idaho).

Anyway, for me it was that I was in so much pain from the yeast infection, and so scared by the fact that my labia were swollen up to two or three times their normal size (and over-the-counter products were only making it worse), that I finally went and totally did NOT give a CRAP what happened so long as the pain stopped!

To be straight-forward, the pap smear can hurt a little (but it feels like you suddenly get cramps.. and they usually go away completely within an hour... if you can totally relax through it, then it won't hurt). The Speculum only hurts if you clench against it (whilst it's being inserted) or if it snags your labia.

The pap smeear literally only lasts a second. For me, that is always the most uncomfortable part of the whole thing. (With the yeast infection, and my not being relaxed at ALL, the pap smear cramps lasted a few hours.)


I can tell you that you are likely not going to have a doctor who will consider any wetness inappropriate. She knows you aren't going to get off on her exam, and she knows that your vag WILL likely try to lubricate against her 'invasion'. She also isn't too likely to even notice your extra wetness as she'll likely use water or lube during the exam, anyway.


My only suggestion is that I'd recommend bringing your own robe or something that can be opened in the front (like a button-up shirt), since their paper gown things are useless (at my first appointment, I ended up just ripping it and throwing it on the floor as I got onto the table, and just said "to hell with that.") That was in America.

In Germany, where I'm living now, you usually don't have any gown (some women wear skirts), and usually your top isn't exposed (they don't always do a breast exam here, I've noticed). So, essentially, you walk to the table ass-naked but with a shirt on.


Oh and expect the doctor's assistant to walk in the door whilst you're on the table, legs spread.. I HATED that about my American gyno. If I'd go back to her, I would tell her that if she needs her assistant, then the assistant needs to come in BEFORE I get on the table or not to come in at all (at my gyno's exam room, the door was right in front of me, so anyone who'd walk in would get a full look.. as said, I hated it).
You could do the same, if you want.. but I don't know if EVERY doctor has their assistant walk in in the middle.

[archangelbeth]

I've never had an assistant walk in during a pap/pelvic! Yikes! (They also use thin cloth gowns where I am.)

So, for the OP:
Yeah, I won't say "you won't feel a thing!" But it's only ever been mildly uncomfortable for me. The pap-smear thing with the q-tip feels... ooky. It's not quite pain, but I have a definite, "Okay, that? I don't like that." But it doesn't last long at all.

Relax the legs, remember to breathe, clutch the side of the table if needed... Remember that it's perfectly expected to feel embarrassed -- most women (maybe even so close to "all" as to make no nevermind) are culturally programmed to be very touchy about who gets to look/touch our private parts, and to have an emotionally charged time when we do give such permission. Letting a doctor look and touch goes against everything that the media (and probably our parents) ever told us. It's likely to take some double-think and practice to learn how to be entirely okay with the process.

[subarashiine.livejournal.com]

Everyone has said it all :)

I just wanted to say... DON'T WORRY!! ^_^

[atalanta0jess.livejournal.com]

Honestly, I was scared for my first annual exam, and when it was over, I thought, "that was it?" It usually turns out to be much less of a scary thing than you expect it to be.

That said, if you are a virgin as in "have never had sexual contact with anyone" a pap smear is probably largely unnecessary. If you're really uncomfortable with the idea of getting a pelvic exam, you could mention that to the doctor, and ask if you really have to in order to get the missing-period thing checked out. I don't imagine they have to look at your vag to figure out why you haven't had a period, although I could be wrong. In any case, it is within your rights to get only those procedures that you want, and in this case, maybe that means only those procedures necessary to diagnose the problem.

However, there's also nothing wrong with getting your first pap out of the way. It might be freeing to just go ahead and do it, because then you'll know what its like, instead of having to deal with all those (unnecessary) fears.

[mzhartz.livejournal.com]

If anything, your doctor will like the fact that you're a virgin. And the more open and honest you are with her, the better. Let her know it's your first time, and she should walk you through every step.

And one thing that helps me is to carry on a conversation throughout the whole thing. I think when there's silence is when I start overthinking it. I ask questions about what she's doing (which is probably what you'll want to do the first time) or else we just talk about the weather and current events.

[astaciamorrigen.livejournal.com]

Don't worry about what your vagina looks like; they're all different and they're all normal. :)

As for the actual visit, there's a good thread here (http://community.livejournal.com/vaginapagina/11580417.html?thread=139580417#t139580417) that details what to expect during the exam.

The biggest thing though is to try to relax. I know that's not so easy to do sometimes, but if you can it will make it go a lot easier. :)

not meant to scare you, I found it humorous at the time

[nmbr5wthabulet.livejournal.com]

My cervix is extremely far back; far enough back that they had to use the pregnancy speculum on me and (after 3 years of getting none) I was (pretty much) a virgin. So she's using the plastic speculum and isn't able to get close enough to do the pap smear. I'm just chillin there on the table in a paper gown with a paper blanket, spotlight on my vag and she stop and she's like "I think I might have to get Dr. _____ (she's a nurse practicioner, but she's pretty well veresed in vag issues)" and I just kind of stared at her. I really didn't want him so come and poke around. Apparently she noticed this because the next thing out of her mouth was "Oh don't worry. He won't look at your face."

Thank god she was able to find a speculum long enough and made a note on my chart so that doesn't happen again.

Re: not meant to scare you, I found it humorous at the time

[atalanta0jess.livejournal.com]

hehe..that's crazy. He won't look at your face. Great!

re:thanks!

[orangecat1.livejournal.com]

Thank you for the replies! You guys are great.

In response to the person who said I might not need a vaginal exam to find out what's wrong with my periods...I didn't know that. I will talk with them first to see what they think is needed. I'm going to planned parenthood because I have no insurance, and no regular doctor, so I hope they are able to just do a basic consultation about my problem and not only the procedures.

Does anyone have any idea what would cause a missed period for 3 months? I'm petite but not overly skinny, don't over exercise, haven't been sick, not on any meds, nothing that fits any of the causes I've read on the 'net.

I am stressed but I'm ALWAYS stressed and it's never caused a problem before. I don't think I'm anymore stressed now than I was four months ago when my periods were normal.

I'm just really worried that it could be something serious. (and me with no insurance, sigh)

Re: thanks!

[atalanta0jess.livejournal.com]

I don't know for sure that they wouldn't need to do one...but like I said, it won't hurt to ask. :) No reason to undergo a pelvic exam if you don't need one!

Good luck. I'm sure it will all work out ok.

[recuntulous.livejournal.com]

Everyone has good advice! I wanted to add a couple of things. I never really feel any physical discomfort during my exams, and I can't even feel the pap part.

The other thing, is to stress that if your doctor doesn't seem sensitive to you, I would cancel the appointment and find another one. If there's a way you can call and talk to the doctor beforehand (I know that's hard), it's a good way to tell if the doctor will be a good one for you. I have a friend who went for her first annual exam when she was 19 or 20, and had a freak awful doctor. he didn't believe her when she told him she was a virgin, and insisted on using the normal-sized speculum anyway, and it hurt her a lot. I'm sure this won't happen to you and i've never ever heard of anything like it before, but if your doctor acts disrespectful, I'd leave and make an appointment somewhere else.

[recuntulous.livejournal.com]

Also, I rarely ever shave (now, I don't shave anything, at all), and once I was nervous before an appointment because I had shaved and was afraid the doctor wouldn't like that. We all get nervous about lots of silly things that don't matter, on both ends!

[justreadmyspine.livejournal.com]

I am not a virgin, but I totally sympathize. I've only had sex with one guy, who is now my husband, and although I've been on birth control for three years, I'd never been to a gyno or had any sort of vaginal exam until recently when I problems with my period. I had been putting it off not because I was embarrassed or anything, but because I was afraid they would find something wrong. I was totally paranoid. But it ended up being SO easy. My husband was with me, so if you have a friend or someone you'd be comfortable bringing with you, that might be helpful (some people prefer to do it alone, but I couldn't have done it without my husband holding my hand). It didn't hurt at all, but that's coming from a non-virgin. They would use a small speculum on you and they would ask you if it hurt and all that.

Also, you don't have to worry AT ALL about what you look like down there. They've seen it all and they don't care. You don't have to shave unless you want to. Hell, I was bleeding like crazy from my period when they examined me, so they can handle anything :)