vaginapagina | orgasm difficulty (Reply)

hello. i looked through the archives and didn't find anything close to what i'm about to ask, so here goes: i (being female bodied, eighteen, queer) have been with my current partner (male all around) for two years now. we've been sexually active nearly every day for those two years, and while i enjoy it very much, i've had a real honest ohmygosh orgasm only a handful of times. he was sexually abused when he was younger and by nearly every partner he's had, and has a lot of issues about sex and sexuality that we're slowly working through. lately, now that i can focus on my sexual issues since his are mostly resolved, i've been very aware of my orgasms and masturbatory habits. the questions:

i have difficulty orgasming with my partner, but i do have empty boring scratching an itch sort of "involuntary pelvic muscle contractions" when i masturbate, and quickly. i find it difficult to be sexually aroused with him unless i'm using a vibrator on my clit or he takes an unreasonable amount of time to concentrate on me and behave in a manner i've referred to as "fucking like a lesbian". does this mean i'm not "heterosexual," not sexually attracted toward him?

i define "fucking like a lesbian" as sex that involves concentrating on getting your partner off: touching more than just the obvious sexual organs; understanding that cock, while cool, isn't the most amazing thing ever when it comes to sex; thinking that the destination is less important, or at least not more important, than the ride. i define "fucking like a man" as the hard fast get it over with all about having an orgasm concentrating on penis/vagina almost entirely kind of sex. while i do get off on fucking like a man, and masturbate in that style, i most often prefer (or would prefer, as it barely happens) lesbian-style sex. are these stereotypes completely inaccurate and to be demolished entirely? (well, yes. ignore that question) and does all of this make me gayer than i thought?

is it unreasonable to want my "fucks like a man" partner to "fuck like a lesbian?"

p.s.: no offense meant by the use of labels and stereotypes. these are categories i use in my head to explain why current partner-man and ex partner-men fuck completely differently from my ex partner-women. i identify as queer and use that word to reject stereotypes and definition of sexual orientation and gender.