Don't feel too bad, sweetheart. There are plenty of men in the world that suffer from the same addiction that your loved one does.
Firstly I'd like to address your insecurity about porn and your boyfriend watching it. I happen to be a very sexually open woman so I by no means expect you to follow my example, but I absolutely do not consider masturbating to pornography to be cheating.
My reasoning behind this is because he is not physically going out and cheating on you. He is not directly associating with the persons in the pictures and videos, one on one. He is using them as a tool for arousal... he sees something that turns him on, he likes it, and wants to get off to it. There's nothing wrong with exploring your sexuality this way (at least in my opinion -- mind you, this is just how I view things.)
The thing that I absolutely don't approve of is taking that fascination to the next level and having sexual conversations with someone when you're already in a committed relationship. That is pretty much borderline cheating in my book, unless both people in the relationship have an understanding about it, or something. IDK. But me, personally, I think that's pretty close to cheating.
I understand that you love him, and I think it's very brave of him to come forward and admit to you that he has a problem, and he very much wants to do something about it.
I also understand that it is your own insecurities preventing you from forgiving him and helping him through this.
This is most definitely a two-way street.
I think that in order for you to be in ANY sort of healthy relationship, with this guy or someone else, you need to work on how you view yourself, and you need to not rely mostly on how others view you in order for you to feel good about yourself. You need (again, this is just an opinion, not like you MUST do this...) to look in the mirror, and say yes, I am sexy. I love myself. I'm beautiful, no matter who I'm with.
The biggest issue I'm seeing, strangely enough, is not your boyfriend's addiction to porn and all of the internet stuff he does with it (which is NOT to say that it isn't a big issue...) but the fact that you are not okay with yourself.
You might want to seek some kind of counseling to help you work through your own issues before you start thinking about the issues he has. You can't really be like 'THIS IS ALL ABOUT ME ME ME I DON'T FEEL PRETTY I FEEL LIKE HE CHEATED, ETC.' when he is openly admitting his faults to you and obviously wants to seek your support and love and understanding in a time that's potentially much harder for him than it is for you.
I really wish you the best and If you ever need anyone to talk to, feel free to seek me out. I am so sorry you're struggling with this, but it sounds like you want to feel good about yourself above all, and you have every right to. So I really hope I can help out if you want to talk.
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Date: 2011-08-02 04:17 am (UTC)Firstly I'd like to address your insecurity about porn and your boyfriend watching it. I happen to be a very sexually open woman so I by no means expect you to follow my example, but I absolutely do not consider masturbating to pornography to be cheating.
My reasoning behind this is because he is not physically going out and cheating on you. He is not directly associating with the persons in the pictures and videos, one on one. He is using them as a tool for arousal... he sees something that turns him on, he likes it, and wants to get off to it. There's nothing wrong with exploring your sexuality this way (at least in my opinion -- mind you, this is just how I view things.)
The thing that I absolutely don't approve of is taking that fascination to the next level and having sexual conversations with someone when you're already in a committed relationship. That is pretty much borderline cheating in my book, unless both people in the relationship have an understanding about it, or something. IDK. But me, personally, I think that's pretty close to cheating.
I understand that you love him, and I think it's very brave of him to come forward and admit to you that he has a problem, and he very much wants to do something about it.
I also understand that it is your own insecurities preventing you from forgiving him and helping him through this.
This is most definitely a two-way street.
I think that in order for you to be in ANY sort of healthy relationship, with this guy or someone else, you need to work on how you view yourself, and you need to not rely mostly on how others view you in order for you to feel good about yourself. You need (again, this is just an opinion, not like you MUST do this...) to look in the mirror, and say yes, I am sexy. I love myself. I'm beautiful, no matter who I'm with.
The biggest issue I'm seeing, strangely enough, is not your boyfriend's addiction to porn and all of the internet stuff he does with it (which is NOT to say that it isn't a big issue...) but the fact that you are not okay with yourself.
You might want to seek some kind of counseling to help you work through your own issues before you start thinking about the issues he has. You can't really be like 'THIS IS ALL ABOUT ME ME ME I DON'T FEEL PRETTY I FEEL LIKE HE CHEATED, ETC.' when he is openly admitting his faults to you and obviously wants to seek your support and love and understanding in a time that's potentially much harder for him than it is for you.
I really wish you the best and If you ever need anyone to talk to, feel free to seek me out. I am so sorry you're struggling with this, but it sounds like you want to feel good about yourself above all, and you have every right to. So I really hope I can help out if you want to talk.