vaginapagina | How Long To Wait On Having Children?? (Reply)

My fiance and I are getting married and I am really excited. I'm going to be married, have a family, and all that. Really the only things that are missing in my life at this moment are a Phd in Art History and a baby. I want both and I know I can have both, but one has to come first (as far as my priorities). I am really torn right now. I'm a young woman (21) but I have a history of menstrual problems and physical problems, plus I've always wanted to be a young mom (one who plays with her kids. My mom was sick a lot after having me and my brother and she NEVER played with us because she was physically unable) who is able to bounce back easily after pregnancy. With my family history (on both sides) pregnancies are difficult ordeals, there is a history of several miscarriages on both sides. I have had three "chemical pregnancies" myself, and on top of that I've had issues with cervical displaysia and problems with my ovaries. Both my grandmothers, three aunts, and my mom had to have hysterectomies because of uterine or ovarian problems... and my theory is that the younger I am when I have children, the easier it will be for me physically and emotionally to bounce back health-wise, lose baby weight, and play with my children as well as keep a career going. I've wanted a baby for a long time, ever since I was a little girl, and I've always had an idea in my mind of what kind of mom I want to be, but now I have a new passion, art, and I don't want to give that up either. I know I can have both... but one has to be more important than the other. I wish I could say this is easy, but its not.

My fiance says he wants to wait, at least for a little while, because he wants to have time for just us. I understand that and I want that too. He also wants to wait until we are financially ready, and I want that as well. But the thing is that he's in the Navy, and every 18 months he goes on a 6 month deployment. He goes away for 6 months in December and I am thinking that when he comes home I want to start trying and that will give him 18 months with me and the baby before he has to leave again. If we're lucky then he might even get to see our baby's first steps or maybe first words! Or at least see the baby beginning to walk, and making gurgling sounds rather than actual words... He wants to wait longer than that, but I don't want to wait until after his 2nd deployment to try... or at least I don't think so right now. I know that it makes more sense to wait, but I really REALLY want a baby asap. As far as long term goals go, having a great marriage and family have been my goals for the longest amount of time and I know those things will make me happy, but I am afraid that later in life I will feel that I cheated myself if I do feel that I can't take proper care of my family and give my career my all. For instance, if I have a child with special needs and I feel that I need to spend time at home rather than in college or pursuing my dream job. In such a case, I would give up everything to be there for my child. Or for instance, if my job is too demanding of my time and I miss out on too many milestone events for my children, I would want to give it up in order to be there for them. There are so many what ifs... I don't want to cheat myself when it comes to my career, but I also don't want to cheat myself when it comes to having the family I've always wanted.

My fiance says that as soon as we're married and ready to try we will visit my doctor and find out what kind of physical condition I need to be in to give birth to a healthy baby. I am currently underweight and my body has been... kind of screwed up because I have an eating problem which I am working on... so I don't even know whether or not I can have children. I was warned that with my eating problem I could have potentially damaged my own fertility... and I know that a lot of people with my problem have families... but with my family history on top of that... who knows... but anyway... I am just so confused.

Basically I just want to some advice and kind words.