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Does anyone else have trouble getting off with a partner? I started having sex when I was 19. I'm 27 now and I haven't had a single orgasm with any partners. I feel like every man I've been with thinks my vag is a penis and a few strokes is all it takes me to get me going. I can't come through PIV sex and I'm so jealous of anyone who can. I enjoy the sensation but it's not enough. Mind you I've never been in a long-term relationship so that might affect my comfort level, since most guys I've been with are usually a one-time thing or at the most it lasts a couple of weeks. Anyway.....some times I just want to have sex for the sake of having sex, especially when the guy is super attractive, but I just can't seem to come and I don't know how to instruct them without hurting their super-senstive ego. Not to generalize, but every guy I've been with seems to need some kind of reassurance that they're "doing me right" and I don't know how to say "no, you're doing it all wrong" without being rude, especially when it comes to educating them about my vag. Any suggestions?

or do you think this is somehting I can only achieve in a long-term relationship, where we have time to get to know eachother's bodies better and trust eachother enough to be comfortable to try anything?

Thanks!

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All my "bad" sex seemed to come from one night stands or people I didn't know well. Once I was in a long term relationship, I felt more comfortable "correcting" the guy and they seem to take that better than someone trying to be a "stud" and assuming all vaginas react the same and that whatever he's done in the past will work.

Most of the people I know who have good sex seem to be in more committed relationships(whatever form that may be, I'm not judging). Maybe a long term FWB might be better than a one night stand?

..but i would think having sex with someone once is not enough. You don't know them or their bodies so how can you really "do it right?" I dunno..that's just my experience. Two of my best sexual partners were long term relationships.

YMMV

In the few one night stands I've had, I made it clear that he didn't get off until after I did. The guys always worked hard to get it right for me. You gotta make it like a game. At least, that always worked for me.

speaking from a guy's point of view; if you are having sex with a guy and he is bothered by your asking for something specific (or even general!) about how you would like him to play to make it more enjoyable for you, I would suggest that he isn't worth bothering with in the first place. My opinion (I tend to have lots of opinions) is that he should ask what you like BEFORE and while you are playing; asking after the fact about 'was it good for you?' is kind of late. If he doesn't ask, tell him; if he isn't asking you, I feel HE is being rude, there is no reason to not tell him; you are being a good partner if you are NOT passive about asserting what you want. This is for both of you, not just for him to stroke his ego that he is such a wonderful lover (who really isn't since he isn't asking).
Try it, you might be surprised at the positive reaction you get!

Bravo!

I agree and can totally relate. A couple of my girlfriends I know can get off anytime, any where, but curiously enouhg, they both lost their viriginity and learned about sex in long-long-long-term relationships when they were teens that lasted well into their 20s, but now they can get off no matter who, where or what the circumstances are.

Maybe I just need more experience?

Lol...I'm going to try this, but stupid me, I'm always afraid the guy is going to lose patience. I was with a really good looking guy last Thursday night and he was pretty good with his fingers, but he didn't have the patience to keep going or maybe I was too afraid to ask him not to stop what he was doing down there. Grrr...must be more brave in bed. Thanks!

I am the exact same as you. I'm 23 and have only ever had casual sex and I know for a fact that this is not enough. I've had one orgasm and that was through an amazing one-timer giving me oral..apart from that; sex just seems like something to please a man.

I think sex would definately be more enjoyable (with a better outcome) in a long term relationship. If a guy really digs you, he'll do anything to make you cum.

I can't get off with my husband using his penis. I have to have be able to rub on my clit while laying on my back sitting up a little. It's a bit uncomfortable for him this way. But that doesn't mean he doesn't get me off or it is any less intimate than a woman who can get off from PIV. When he uses his fingers to make me cum is best. He still plays a part in it and his finger tips can hit my g-spot just right whereas a penis seems too broad. It did take me a few years to make him realize it isn't his penis that is lacking because PIV doesn't get me off. Women are just different and it takes different ways to get us off.

Don't feel like you have to screw 10 more guys to get more experience. I would suggest picking someone you like and actually waiting to get to know them better before you have sex. There is no rush really...connect with him on other levels and see if you can make something lasting out of it.

Unless of course you're only interested in casual sex :)

Either way..have fun in the process.

Cool, thanks!

It's so nice to get a guy's perspective. I will defo try be more assertive and specific next time around. To his credit, he was trying, and I didn't voice my needs....I don't know why....well I can probably guess, but that's a whole other discussion.

I try, as in all areas of my life, to be diplomatic about voicing my needs......in bed, I try to make it seem sexy or resort to humor when all else fails, but somehow his needs still end up trumping mine. It's not so much about the orgasm, as I can get them solo easily, but I'd just like to have one with another person....just to see what it feels like.

Yes! be more brave. It can only help the next woman he sleeps with. I think we have to think of it as doing each other the favor of educating the men so fewer of us have to settle for less.

Thank you! I agree with this.

Thank you for sharing your experience. and yes....fingering my clit feels really good during PIV sex, and yes it's best when it's his fingers and not mine. I have yet to discover a g-spot. My clit seems to be the only thing that gets me going.

"It did take me a few years to make him realize it isn't his penis that is lacking because PIV doesn't get me off. Women are just different and it takes different ways to get us off. "

- Do you mind if I ask how he came to terms with this? Was he angry in the beginnning? I don't know why, but angry men scare me. Did he feel like he was less masculine?

Yes! I blame tv and movies to a certain extent because they always show women coming quickly simply from his penis inside her when simply that is not the way it happens most of the time.

He was never angry, it just depressed him and made him feel like a loser. All I could do was reassure him he wasn't less masculine or a loser. We also looked at books and sites for new ideas and stuff about the body and that showed him that women are a bit more difficult to get off than what porn shows. He thought that every man was getting girls off because of what he saw in porn and his friends bragging that they did but he found out that they have the same problems and they were just lying. I think us just exploring each other, looking at real material with real people and their experiences and him not thinking he has to be a porn star helped. Cause I told him big penis or small penis or no penis, you can't just pound away and expect me to get off. Women need more than that. We are sensual creatures, not pigs rutting.

He actually got me off the other night and didn't want anything in return. How cool is that?!

MANY women find it difficult to climax via PIV sex. its not just you. :)

sometimes the problem isnt "oh, he didnt do this, or that, or the other so i didnt climax" but "there wasnt enough excitement built through foreplay so i didnt climax". and if you didnt get there through foreplay and PIV sex? AFTERplay. there is absolutely nothing wrong with saying "i didnt get there, can you use your fingers?"

you are responsible to speak up if your needs arent being met. there are very few mind-readers, and generally those who seem like they are? have been with you in a long-term relationship and *know* what trips your triggers. or is just good enough at reading your body language to see what makes you quiver. :)

if you ask and he brushes you off? i'd say decline a repeat performance. there's no excuse for being a lazy lover if you're asked for something that isnt hard to do. (i'm not talking about refusing things that squick you out or you just have absolutely no desire ever to do. trying real hard to get your partner off in ways that they know works doesnt fall under that definition.)

Oh and I'm 25 and until a few years ago I couldn't pinpoint where my g-spot was. And wanna hear something funny? Until a year and a half ago, I thought where my clit is, I thought that was my pee hole! I kept wondering why my tampon string would get wet when I peed. So, one day I was curious, looked up a detail image/drawing of the outside of a woman's vag that had arrows pointing to what everything was and I was like wtf, is that where the pee hole is and not where my clit is. So, I busted out a hand mirror and inspected myself down there and sure enough it was just like the picture. LOL! I felt so stupid but I think it's funny now. I have a mound of tissue right inside on top of my vagina hole and I thought that was my clit but I was told that may just be some scar tissue from my hymen.

i know....climaxing through PIV sex is more like the exception rather than the rule...I just wish I wasn't the rule :p

AFTERplay. there is absolutely nothing wrong with saying "i didnt get there, can you use your fingers?"

- really? I was projecting...I know after I've climaxed I don't really feel like doing much rather than lying around and enjoying the stress-free feeling. So I was being considerate when I don't ask guys to continue wiht me after they got off. That makes me pathetic doens't it?

Yes, for sure, if he is not into my needs at all (well I"m going to ask first and see what response I get), but if he's rude about it...I will defo kick him to the curb.

Thanks!

I'm sorry, but can I please LMAO.........you're very kind to share an experience taht must have been unpleasant for you to make me feel better.....I laughed so hard. But atleast you found your g-spot. wooot! I"m two years your senior and I"m still on that journey. Wish me luck :)

it does NOT make you pathetic, honestly! it just means you hadnt thought this whole thing out.

me, right now i'm going through an absent libido phrase (yay perimenopause) and so there are times when i say flat out "ok, give up on getting me there, its ok, i'll get mine next time". but its ok, we're married and love one another dearly, and i'm choosing the closeness of sex rather than saying "get away, you great hairy beast!" ;)

if he has the opportunity to get off, so do you, UNLESS you actively choose otherwise. but just deciding to be considerate of his great effort to get himself off isnt an active choice to not have the opportunity to climax yourself, ok? its ok to be selfish in that respect.

That's a good idea. I need to try that sometime.

That is AWESOME! I'm always the one who gets off and asks for nothing in return. Does your husband have a borther? Lol...or a friend who shares similar personality traits? Haha........

I've never had casual sex, but I've had three long-term relationships and only one of my partners has ever been able to get me off; it was with manual stimulation. Even once I get to the point where I can explain to them what feels good, I've found that it's hard for them to mimic actions I enjoy.

Hahah it's fine. I think it's pretty hilariously myself. A friend of mine, after telling her that story, thought pee came from her vagina hole so I was able to educate her too. I encourage women now to take a mirror to your crotch and check it out. Quite cool

Ooops....I mean my partner at the time is ususlaly the one who gets off and I ask for nothing in return, PRE-climax anway....for some reason I assume POST-climax, he's done for the night.

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