How to get over nerves about receiving oral sex?

[onlygoodbook.livejournal.com]

I've been with my partner (cis-male, I'm cis-female) for almost a year and we have a wonderful relationship and active sex life... and I still can't get over my nerves about oral sex to actually let him go down on me, though he is eager to do so. I love going down on him and so I can imagine that he would earnestly look forward to returning the favor, but I just can't imagine that it won't be a turn off for him. One of my concerns is that I've NEVER had an orgasm. Oral sex is kind of the last frontier. Both PIV sex and being touched by my partner can both feel great, but intense approaching-an-orgasm feelings come and go pretty quickly, dissipating after a few seconds. If oral sex doesn't do it for me either, I am a bit worried that my partner (and I!) will be disappointed. How can I work on my own feelings toward this so that I can relax? I've been sexually active for five years (I'm 23) and I'm starting to feel like there's something wrong with my body. No one is making me feel this way - every sexual partner I've had has been understanding and not taken my inability to orgasm as some kind of deficiency or personal insult, so this is coming from me.

I don't feel insecure or unsure about sex and I have a healthy body image, except for these few square centimeters in this one very particular situation! :-/

EDITED TO ADD: Aiming at orgasm isn't at all the object of sex for me. My partner and I have a great sex life, I think, and I am always happy to be intimate with him. I don't think about reaching orgasm, just enjoying the experience.

Thanks!

Comments

[helenkacan.livejournal.com]

I'm glad to see you edited your original post. So just think of this as a sensory experience. If you think you'll feel disconnected because his body and head are waaaaaaaay down there (so far away - it feels like miles, I know), you could hold one of his hands. That can make you both feel more connected. And, any time you want to stop, you can tug on the hand and pull your partner back up to your level. I see you mentioned your upper body feeling "lonely". Well, you could hold your partner's hand near where your breast is (if you like to have your breasts touched). Or you could kiss your partner's hand which is a loving, tender gesture.

I hope you will be able to get more comfortable with the whole idea of receiving oral sex. There's nothing quite like the feeling of having your partner's breath on you even before there's anything being touched.

I don't know whether you and your partner laugh about things during sex, but this could START out as a fun experience. It doesn't have to be ALL serious or about technique, etc. A neat thing for a partner to do is to trace the letters of the alphabet over your clit and labia. You could even turn it into a game, questionning your partner if a letter's been missed (or done out of order and - oh, dear - they'll have to start all over again).

Another thing is to get the most up-to-date info on oral sex to see how many different things can be done with teeth (gently), tongue (tip or flat) and lips. It really is a terrific learning and feeling experience.

Also, do you think you'd feel more comfortable if the lights were off and perhaps only a few candles were lit (not where you could knock them over)?

I hope some of the above will be helpful for your situation.

[rikstar.livejournal.com]

I grew up in a very comunicative house hold and I just thought I might share some things with you that my mother has told me!! 1. Every girl is nervous about oral the first time (whether this is true or not doesn't matter, it helps to think so!), you just gotta relax and enjoy the ride (I closed my eyes the first time because I didn't want to see him down there). 2. if you want to experiance an orgasm you need to find your special spots on your own time ( know they self!, or better yet, you have to learn to love yourself before anyone else can love you the way that you deserve to be loved ;) ). 3. communication is the key to reaching orgasm with a partner ( don't be afaid to tell them when something is feeling really good ) 4. the louder you get the better it feels ( i swear I thought she was nuts when she told me this, but it has proven to be absolutely true for me. when I get loud He enjoys it more and it starts feeling better and better hence getting closer to an orgasmic state. 5. if you are afraid that he won't like the smell down there, tell him that you are afraid, chances are he likes it a million times better that you do (guys are just weird like that!). 6. the more you focus on the feeling and just let yourself be in that feeling the more likely you will be to orgasm, don't think about trying to get there, if it's not gonna happen it's just not. Oh and one from me... guys love it down there, but alot of them don't know what they're doing. it is very important to talk to him about how it feels when he's doing his thing. don't be afaid to say no i don't like that, or oh yeah right there! sqirming is totally natural and makes it more fun!! ENJOY and GOOD LUCK! :)