How to get over nerves about receiving oral sex?

[onlygoodbook.livejournal.com]

I've been with my partner (cis-male, I'm cis-female) for almost a year and we have a wonderful relationship and active sex life... and I still can't get over my nerves about oral sex to actually let him go down on me, though he is eager to do so. I love going down on him and so I can imagine that he would earnestly look forward to returning the favor, but I just can't imagine that it won't be a turn off for him. One of my concerns is that I've NEVER had an orgasm. Oral sex is kind of the last frontier. Both PIV sex and being touched by my partner can both feel great, but intense approaching-an-orgasm feelings come and go pretty quickly, dissipating after a few seconds. If oral sex doesn't do it for me either, I am a bit worried that my partner (and I!) will be disappointed. How can I work on my own feelings toward this so that I can relax? I've been sexually active for five years (I'm 23) and I'm starting to feel like there's something wrong with my body. No one is making me feel this way - every sexual partner I've had has been understanding and not taken my inability to orgasm as some kind of deficiency or personal insult, so this is coming from me.

I don't feel insecure or unsure about sex and I have a healthy body image, except for these few square centimeters in this one very particular situation! :-/

EDITED TO ADD: Aiming at orgasm isn't at all the object of sex for me. My partner and I have a great sex life, I think, and I am always happy to be intimate with him. I don't think about reaching orgasm, just enjoying the experience.

Thanks!

Comments

[six-dollar-baby.livejournal.com]

Something that can help is the use of a blindfold, if you're comfortable with that. Keeping your eyes covered can intensify sensation. i've found it also helps with relaxation, as i'm not looking at my body, so i don't get self-conscious about it. it's a simple psychological ploy but it works.

And, like any sex act, don't be disappointed if it doesn't produce an orgasm the first time! It takes time and practice for partners to learn about each other- that means he will need time to figure out what you like, and you'll need time to figure out what works and what doesn't. Just focus on enjoying the act in the moment.

You can bring other things into *ahem* play as well- your partner can touch/finger you while he's down there, or one of you can use a vibrator or other toy to enhance things. If you've got your hands free, you can use them to touch your breasts/nipples/neck/anywhere that feels good as well.

Enjoy!

[six-dollar-baby.livejournal.com]

And, to add to this- orgasm is a tricky creature. i didn't have my first until i was 24- like anything else, everyone has a different experience. It doesn't mean there's anything 'wrong' with your body, it simply means you haven't figured out what works yet. Try not to focus on orgasm as the ultimate goal- instead, spend some time with yourself just fantasizing, touching, figuring out what feels good. i think fantasy is a key thing- let your imagination go! It'll take you to some interesting places.

Two things that helped when i was Figuring It Out (TM):
1: Indirect clitoral stimulation. A vibrator on the labia just around/below the clitoris felt much better than directly on the clitoris itself- too sensitive!
2: Blood flow. To that end, breathing deeply and clenching/unclenching the butt muscles seems to force more blood into the vaginal area, which makes things feel really good.

[may-third.livejournal.com]

RE: orgasms, I agree 110%!

Also, I had my first orgasm when I was 19, and it wasn't result of any partnered sexual activity! We had a detachable/massage showerhead that did the trick. And subsequent orgasms came from little vibrators, and then, finally, I learned to let go enough to orgasm during oral. Another key for me was getting extremely turned on BEFORE my partner started going down on me, I find that it's harder for me to orgasm at all if I've already had something *inside* me, so to speak. Very recently I had my first orgasm from clitoral stimulation during PIV, (I'm 22 now), so don't get discouraged :)